Top Ten Stories of 2011

Another year is (nearly) over and what a year it has been. We had a name change, following a 3 month recuperative break. We lost one writer and gained two new ones. More people are reading Slap the Penguin than ever before, and some of them are actually repeat visitors.

Since the relaunch, (according to Google Analytics) we have had visits from readers in 70 countries including the little known country of not set, which I think might be a former Soviet state not unlike Belarus or Georgia or possibly a tiny independent Caribbean island owned by a millionaire.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all our readers,

from the crew at slapthepenguin.com

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Korea Opportunities

This week saw the passing of one of rocks greatest stars and beloved leader of an autocratic state. Kim Jon Bon Jov-il, died this week leaving 3rd son Kim Jong-Un in charge of the country of North Korea. (I should point out that rumours surrounding the death of Jon Bon Jovi have been greatly exaggerated).

North Korea - A country without Seoul

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 12/17/11

Hi again, it's me, Alexa Rankin, back after a week off, with the headlines that caught my eye this week. Actually, there wasn't much that caught my eye this week. I still have a touch of stomach flu and have been living in the bathroom for 9 days. Only two bits of news actually adhered themselves to my braincells this week so here they are.

Where are they now? Weird Science

It was 1985 and the world needed another Nerds and Sci-fi movie. As luck would have it, John Hughes was standing by with a Nerds and Sci-fi movie starring Anthony Michael Hall, Ilan Mitchell-Smith and Kelly LeBrock.

Anthony Michael Hall, Kelly LeBrock and Ilan Mitchell-Smith
(You need a 3 part name to star in this movie)

Bona Polish for Hardwood

I was watching TV yesterday and I saw a commercial for this product. Now, my mind lives in the gutter for the majority of the day, so I thought I misheard. Then I wondered if it was a SNL sketch, but it was not Saturday. So... I consulted one of my friends, Google, and sure enough there it was.

Everything you need for good looking hardwood

A Quiet Penguin

The penguin is having a quiet week, due to both sickness and a lack of material. Brad told me that there was nothing worthwhile to review in the new music category as is always the case this close to Christmas. Alexa is bedridden with a really bad flu and has not been checking in on the headlines.

WTF? Butt Patting

Something I have never been able to understand is the need for men to touch each others butts. Outside of a sporting arena, this would be totally unacceptable behaviour, but, for some reason it is OK to touch another guy's ass while playing sports.

Not a good time to play grabass

New CD releases December 6th 2011

Wow, what a hectic week it's been. Then to top it all, snow. Anyway, better late than never, here is the rundown of what is being released this week. I have received some feedback from some readers that they don't see the amazon widget or the album art. Please check your ad-block settings since this can interfere with the images on the page since they are embedded from amazon.com. Thanks.

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 12/3/11

Hi again, it's me, Alexa Rankin, with your weekly review of the news stories and headlines that caught my eye. Plenty to see this week, some of which didn't make the mainstream media.

November Movie of the Month - The Machinist

The Machinist

2004 R 101 minutes

NETFLIX SAYS - Trevor Reznik (Christian Bale) hasn't slept in a year, and his physical and mental health have eroded. So when cryptic notes pop up in his apartment and he has visions of a co-worker nobody else can see, is it reality -- or just the next level of insomnia? His call-girl girlfriend (Jennifer Jason Leigh) seems to be the only bright spot in Trevor's quickly deteriorating world. And he, too, seems to be breaking down.

Herman Cain : An Exposé

A woman has come forward claiming that she was Herman Cain's mistress for 13 years. Surprisingly, Herman Cain has denied the accusation, just as he denied all of the sexual harassment accusations that rematerialised after he announced his Presidential campaign.

Herman Cain looking like Presidential material

Another New Writer - Alexa Rankin

It looks like we got this one back to front, since our newest writer has already posted before she was even introduced to the public at large. Please join me in welcoming Alexa Rankin to Slap the Penguin.

Alexa Rankin, about to walk into a post

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/28/10

We had a quiet week this time last year, so I was wondering if I should even bother with posting a reslap this week, then I saw that the new girl, Alexa Rankin got her first post up today and I decided it was my duty to deliver for our readers. The full archive can be viewed here.

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 11/26/11

Hi everyone, my name is Alexa Rankin and I was the winner of the Slap the Penguin guest post contest. Ian C invited me to join the team and my role for now is to write a weekly review of the news and the headlines that caught my eye during the previous 7 days.

New CD releases November 29th 2011

Due to a lack of credible music releases and a lack of imagination to string together an alternate list of 5 discs, I have resorted to reviewing the Amazon.com top 5 selling CDs of the year so far. And considering that the year is almost over then I can suggest with confidence that these will be the best selling CDs of the year period. You may notice that the list is dominated by women, and the top four are all 25 or younger.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today  is the day when America prepares a strategy for Black Friday shopping. For those who are not familiar with Black Friday, it is the day after thanksgiving when all the big box superstores offer ridiculous loss leaders to woo consumers into their stores for a pre-christmas shopping frenzy.

Black Friday Mania

Occupy: From Wall Street to Walmart

The 99% are at it again, this time at one of the nation's largest retailers. Protesters have been camping out in the Walmart parking lot in Little Rock, Arkansas since this morning, protesting the disproportionate allocation of money across the United States.

Occupy protesters at a Walmart in Little Rock, Arkansas

i-voxt, the new i-phone voice texting app

There are over 1/2 million apps out there for the i-phone, so how does a single app stand out far enough from the crowd to be discussed by Slap the Penguin? Easy. Because the fact that it even exists is a sign that technology is making us lazy.

i-voxt, the new voice to text app

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/21/10

Another week starts and so here is my reslap of what we were doing 12 months ago. This is a great opportunity to remind yourself of what was happening in the world one year ago. You can also see how funny we used to be, compared to the drivel we publish now. Here is the link for the entire archive.

New CD releases November 22nd 2011

As thanksgiving draws closer and the snowy season kicks off, the realisation that Easter will soon be upon us (according to the seasonal displays in my local Target store), makes me want to sit back and relax, and listen to some great music. Unfortunately I have to review these new releases first.

Ashton and Demi split

After weeks of silence Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have announced that they are separating. Their wedding has lasted as long as 30 Kardashian/Humphries weddings, but they are finally calling it quits, or Kwits, according to Ashton's new social platform.

You really went with the ripped photo cliché?

Mariah Yeater in paternity scandal

Recent evidence has surfaced almost totally clearing Bieber of being Mariah Yeater's 'baby daddy', but did you know that the identity of her father has been brought into question.

Yeater's mother recently suggested that she had a quick fling with a famous movie star and, as a result, she became pregnant and gave birth to Mariah.

Slap the Penguin can exclusively announce the identity of the celebrity embroiled in this latest scandal involving the Yeater family.

The similarity is uncanny, he must be the father

i is for apple

I am in favor of technology making life easier. I love my coffee maker which has a delay timer so that I can wake up to piping hot fresh coffee. I love my universal remote control which covers pretty much every aspect of my home entertainment. What I don't love is 3D! Movies, TV video games, it all just gives me a headache.

A 3D logo for a 2D website

New CD releases November 15th 2011

Back to normal this week, after last week's Twilight special, brought on by a severe lack of suitable material to review. Again, we have a extremely eclectic mix of musical styles for you to enjoy, so get comfortable, put on your headphones and rock along with this week's New Releases. Click the pictures to go to Amazon.com to hear samples (in most cases)

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/14/10

Here I am with another "1 year later" post. If you click HERE you can see the entire archive from this time last year.

Brad was on the cutting edge of technology with a tale about Captcha, the wiggly word security system and how the computers are getting their revenge on humanity. Meanwhile, Ian was reporting on the hot political topics involving Sarah Palin's potential Presidential campaign and her resemblance to Tina Fey.

Ashton Kutcher launches his own version of Twitter

In a press conference today, celebrity idiot and wife stealer, Ashton Kutcher announced the launch of his own variation of the popular social media platform, Twitter. The imaginatively named 'Kwitter' is a combination of the words Kutcher and Twitter.

Kutcher at the launch of Kwitter

What does 11-11-11 mean to you?

Here is a unique post for a unique date. All four of us are contributing to bring you our personal perspective on today's once in a lifetime date, 11th November 2011 or 11/11/11.

Right here, Slapping the Penguin

WTF? - Herman Cain

This is my first poke at a WTF? post so let me know how I do.

You may have heard that Herman Cain has been implicated in a number of sexual harassment cases, from his time at the NRA (National Restaurant Association) which may have put a huge dent in his plans to run for President in 2012.

Herman McCain at the McDonalds Convention

Obama announces Christmas Tree tax

President Obama recently announced a 15 cent tax on the purchase of live Christmas trees in order to raise funds for something or other. A move which has 'needled' people all over the United States for a variety of reasons.

"I'm glad we bought this tree before the tax kicked in"

The Twilight Zone - Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart is possibly the most experienced actress out of the 3 lead characters in the Twilight Saga, with more then 20 movies already under her belt. This is no mean feat considering she is only 21 years old.

KStew, KiKi, Kris, That Twilight Chick

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/07/10

This time last there were a couple of very important stories that we uncovered. You can check out the archive here. The news that cigarette packs were to start carrying graphic images and stern warnings about the dangers and consequences of smoking, which U.S. District Judge Richard Leon has just ruled to be unconstitutional, since the FDA's insistence that all packs carry them violates the first amendment rights of the tobacco companies.

The Twilight Zone - Taylor Lautner

If someone asked me 5 years ago what I knew about twilight, I would likely have said, "It's that time when it's no longer day and not yet night." If you asked me now, I would say exactly the same thing. Even though 3 out of the 4 women in my house are crazy about the books and movies, I have great difficulty getting excited about a soppy, angst-ridden, forbidden supernatural love series.

Twilight - No longer day, and not yet night

Using my 'knowledge by osmosis', I have to dissect and reassemble Taylor Lautner and his role in the Twilight movie(s).

Bieber denies 'Baby Daddy' claim

Justin Bieber vehemently denies that he is the father of Mariah Yeater's baby and is taking a paternity test to prove it. Then when it comes back negative he is suing the ass off her for defamation of character.

Mariah Yeater - Before she loses everything

New CD releases November 8th 2011

Welcome back to another rundown of what is hot and not in the world of new releases. Actually there is only one new release on this weeks list. There was so much crap being released this week that I decided not to bother commenting on it. "If you can't say something nice..."

So instead, since we seem to be having an impromptu Twilight week, here is a rundown of the top 4 Twilight soundtrack CDs.

The Twilight Zone - Robert Pattinson

With the new Twilight movie coming on November 18th, Slap the Penguin is giving you a couple of free 'Twilight for Dummies' posts, just in case you have been living beneath a rock. Yesterday we introduced you to the Twilight Series and now we disect the actors starting with Robert Pattinson who plays the vampire, Edward.

This is NOT a real book,
it is a satirical representation

Twilight for beginners (part one)

This month has one of the most important dates on the calendar for teen girls everywhere. (And for some of their moms too). On November 18th 2011, Twilight: Breaking Dawn (part 1) will be unleashed in an unsuspecting theater near you.

What got slapped 12 months ago 10/31/10

Wow, this time last year was great for stories, and it was really tough to pick a favorite. For the full list click here. Or if you are too lazy then just keep reading for a brief recap or as we call it a reslap. Just like the daily soaps have their rehash of old scenes montage to save having to pay a script writer, we have our rehash the old stories to save us having to actually write something.

Begin dream sequence - DIDDLY DEE, DIDDLY DEE, DIDDLY DEE.

October Movie of the Month - X-Men: First Class

X-Men: First Class

2011 PG-13 131 Minutes

NETFLIX SAYS - In this exciting prequel to the X-Men series, Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) -- the future Professor X and Magneto -- are best friends dedicated to harnessing their powers and promoting the education of fellow mutants during the turbulent 1960s. The duo works together to stop a powerful adversary that threatens mankind, but their ideological differences drive them apart and turn them into ferocious enemies.

Kardashian and Humphries in 10 1/2 weeks

Kris and Kim have bested Mickey and Kim by 1 week, although I highly doubt that their relationship was as tempestuous, or full of blindfolded fridge raiding and cross-dressing alleyway intercourse in the rain.

1 week longer, and 7 ass sizes bigger

We have a new writer

Note: Menaj no longer writes for Slap The Penguin. This is an old post.

Since we lost Jack Stropp during the shuffle, we have been a team of 3 writers, struggling to make deadlines and unable to play Uno Moo. Until now.. we have recruited a new writer. Our newest penguin slapper is none other than Menaj Attwar.

Menaj Attwar - practicing his Vulcan Mind Meld

The Lohan Family

A high court judge has ordered that the Long Island home of the Lohan family be converted to a prison. Bars will be added to each room and the doors will be reinforced and retrofitted with security locks. Armed guards will be assigned to ensure that everybody remains inside the minimum security facility.

Sorry Lindsay, not these bars.

New CD releases November 1st 2011

Happy November everyone. This week we have an exciting list of new releases, again covering a range of styles, so sit back, relax and enjoy.

As usual, clicking the image next to the review will take you the the relevant amazon.com webpage for track listings and samples.

Harold Camping responsible for Turkish earthquake

Once again, just a matter of days after Harold Camping's prediction for the end of the world, a localized natural disaster strikes. This time the target for the mini-rapture was Eastern Turkey which was hit by a 7.2 magnitude earthquake.

Thanks Harold, we needed saving from our sins

New CD releases October 24th 2011

Christmas is definitely cruising towards us at a rapid rate. Sifting through the festive fluff in order to find decent new releases was only moderately easier than last week. And, as usual, I didn't let you down and have highlighted 5 musical masterpieces for your consideration.

Allergy Warning, some of the albums listed below may contain small traces of Christmas and/or Canadians!

Brad's Geek T-Shirts

Hi, my name is Brad and I am a geek.

There I said it.

Definition of GEEK (from meriam-webster.com)

1. a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake.
2. a person often of an intellectual bent who is disliked
3. an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity [computer geek]

geek^-1

Lions and Tigers and Bears Ohio

The sleepy Ohio town of Zanesville is under lockdown thanks to a crazy man who released his entire maniacal menagerie before shooting himself.

Lions and Tigers and Bears loose in Zanesville, OH(my)

Michael Bay owes us another apology

World renowned explodophile movie director, Michael Bay has already publicly apologized for the mediocre quality of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, claiming that the 2007/08 Screenwriters Guild strike was to blame.

“Even without a nose, I know this movie stinks”

What got slapped 12 months ago

Now that Slap the Penguin (formally My Twist News) is well into it's second year, we figured we would reminisce about old times by looking at what was happening on our site 12 months ago. Also it saves us having to do any serious writing, we just recycle old stories, just like the daytime soaps. So here is our version of a Days Of Our Lives dream sequence.

Hot Christmas Toys 2011

Are you looking for the ultimate Christmas toy to keep your children occupied through the new year?

We have put together a list of what we believe to be the hottest selling items leading up to the festive season. We suggest that you buy early to avoid disappointment.

You spoiled my Christmas