Monday, October 31, 2011

We have a new writer

Note: Menaj no longer writes for Slap The Penguin. This is an old post.

Since we lost Jack Stropp during the shuffle, we have been a team of 3 writers, struggling to make deadlines and unable to play Uno Moo. Until now.. we have recruited a new writer. Our newest penguin slapper is none other than Menaj Attwar.

The needs of the many...
Menaj Attwar - practicing his Vulcan Mind Meld

Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Lohan Family

A high court judge has ordered that the Long Island home of the Lohan family be converted to a prison. Bars will be added to each room and the doors will be reinforced and retrofitted with security locks. Armed guards will be assigned to ensure that everybody remains inside the minimum security facility.
Lindsay Lohan Behind Bars
Sorry Lindsay, not these bars.

New CD releases November 1st 2011

Happy November everyone. This week we have an exciting list of new releases, again covering a range of styles, so sit back, relax and enjoy.
As usual, clicking the image next to the review will take you the the relevant webpage for track listings and samples.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Harold Camping responsible for Turkish earthquake

Once again, just a matter of days after Harold Camping's prediction for the end of the world, a localized natural disaster strikes. This time the target for the mini-rapture was Eastern Turkey which was hit by a 7.2 magnitude earthquake.

Turkish Earthquake coutesy of Harold Camping
Thanks Harold, we needed saving from our sins

New CD releases October 24th 2011

Christmas is definitely cruising towards us at a rapid rate. Sifting through the festive fluff in order to find decent new releases was only moderately easier than last week. And, as usual, I didn't let you down and have highlighted 5 musical masterpieces for your consideration.

Allergy Warning, some of the albums listed below may contain small traces of Christmas and/or Canadians!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Brad's Geek T-Shirts

Hi, my name is Brad and I am a geek.

There I said it.

Definition of GEEK (from
  1. a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake.
  2. a person often of an intellectual bent who is disliked
  3. an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity [computer geek]
The snake bites back

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Lions and Tigers and Bears Ohio

The sleepy Ohio town of Zanesville is under lockdown thanks to a crazy man who released his entire maniacal menagerie before shooting himself.

Come to Zanesville - famous for it's mauls
Lions and Tigers and Bears loose in Zanesville, OH(my)

Michael Bay owes us another apology

World renowned explodophile movie director, Michael Bay has already publicly apologized for the mediocre quality of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, claiming that the 2007/08 Screenwriters Guild strike was to blame.

Transformers 2 - Don't waste your time
“Even without a nose, I know this movie stinks”

Monday, October 17, 2011

What got slapped 12 months ago

Now that Slap the Penguin (formally My Twist News) is well into it's second year, we figured we would reminisce about old times by looking at what was happening on our site 12 months ago. Also it saves us having to do any serious writing, we just recycle old stories, just like the daytime soaps. So here is our version of a Days Of Our Lives dream sequence.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Hot Christmas Toys 2011

Are you looking for the ultimate Christmas toy to keep your children occupied through the new year?
We have put together a list of what we believe to be the hottest selling items leading up to the festive season. We suggest that you buy early to avoid disappointment.

Should have listened to Slap The Penguin
You spoiled my Christmas

Harold Camping announces new Rapture date

It is official, the beginning of the end of the world commences less than 1 week from today. Harold Camping's latest guess for The Rapture is October 21st 2011. This is his second attempt this year to predict Judgement Day. Read about the May 21st miscalculation here.

Harold Camping didn't see this rapture coming 30 years ago
Blondie Rapture from 1981

New CD releases October 18th 2011

Another week, another weak selection of new releases. I was all set to create a list of the greatest CDs from 20 years ago, including Nirvana's Nevermind, Pop Will Eat Itself's Cure for Sanity and Doubt by Jesus Jones, but I forced myself to sit and listen and drink beer and write. Then I plugged myself into and clicked on '1991 Radio' to sterilize my ears.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Esquire change their mind

Performing a 180 the magnitude of which has not been seen since Netflix changed their mind about Qwikster, Esquire magazine have updated the result of the Sexiest Woman Alive 2011 contest.

Rihanna - you just aint that sexy
Rihanna Rejected

Thursday, October 13, 2011

WTF? - Rihanna, sexiest woman alive?

Esquire magazine's November edition celebrates the Sexiest Woman Alive and for some crazy reason which nobody can figure out they decided that for 2011 it would be Rihanna.

Rihanna wearing nothing but some seaweed
Seriously? What is sexy about this?

Monday, October 10, 2011

Netflix axes Qwixter

Just like Elizabeth Taylor, this headline has far too many x's. So what's the story? Way back in early 2011, movie rental giant, Netflix announced it would be separating it's DVD and streaming services into two distinct parts according to it's long term business plan.

Netflix is in a state of flux
Netflix should consider a new name

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Mimes, the silent weapon against bad driving

The Mayor of Caracas is sending 120 mimes out onto the streets in an effort to counter the rampant road rage and lawless driving in Venezuela’s capital city. The city of Caracas is renowned for having some of the worst behaved drivers on the planet. The basic rules of driving are exemplified by the traffic light system. Green means GO and red means GO FAST, before the other guy goes.
Caracas Traffic
A typical scene on the streets of Caracas

New CD releases October 11th 2011

Wow, do we have a mixed bag of music for you this week. From new stars to (very) old favorites, covering every conceivable genre (country, death metal, spoken word, slightly effeminate and trance). As always, you can hear samples by clicking the cover art and following the links on the page, where you can also make a purchase selection.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Thieves steal an entire bridge

A 50 foot corrugated steel bridge was stolen from a property in Western Pennsylvania. The owners have no idea who stole it or when exactly it happened.

County 19, we're in a ditch
Police are baffled by the missing bridge

Thursday, October 6, 2011

12 months ago today

12 months ago today, what used to be My Twist News had it's biggest story of all time. The internet phenomenon, Cigar Guy took off and we were there on the bottom floor of this express elevator to stardom. This is the image that started the whole thing.

Tiger and Cigar Guy
The picture that launched Cigar Guy

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Obama offers funding to stem Apple's Jobs loss

Yeah, I know. Bad taste headline. Steve Jobs was a visionary, a man before his time and will be sorely missed by millions of Apple fanboys.

RiP(od) Steve Jobs
RiP(od) Steve Jobs

Top 10 redheads of all time

Everyone does Top 10 lists, so we are going to be different and do a Top 8. This list is the Top 8 redheads of all time. Actually, not all time, but recent history. I am sure that there are many redheads from way back, but I am not old enough to remember them. We value your opinions and would like to hear your thoughts about who else should be on this list and who shouldn't. Please leave a comment at the end if you want to share your thoughts.
Top 8 Redheads of all time
Top: Kirsten Dunst, Alyson Hannigan, Emma Stone, Amy Adams
Bottom: Isla Fisher, Molly Ringwald, Julianne Moore, Lindsay Lohan

Monday, October 3, 2011

Minnesota Vikings seek help to win a game

The 0-4 Vikings are in desperate need of a win and will try almost anything to revive their flagging season.
Vikings standing after 4 weeks
The Vikings like round numbers, like 0

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Russell Banned

Russell Brand's passport has another red 'X' in it after he was denied access to Canada this weekend. The 36 year old scruffbag was forced to cancel a live performance since Canadian immigration officials would not let him enter the country.
Russell's Canadian Vacation - Ruined
Waiting at Canadian customs with Katy's sunglasses

New CD releases October 4th 2011

October 4th New ReleasesIt feels so good to be back, even though we are now Slapping Penguins instead of Twisting the News. A rose would smell as sweet by any other name so I won't be mixing up the format too much. Here are the 5 new releases that caught my eye this week.

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Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog