Monday, December 30, 2013

Random Penguin Fact #42


Saturday, December 28, 2013

The Voice loser blames prejudice for his defeat

It's time for another guest post and this one comes from someone calling themselves KRP-11. Enjoy.

The fifth season of NBC's most popular talent show, The Voice, has recently ended with Tessanne Chin being declared the winner. Even more recently, one of the show's losing contestants has come forward claiming that he was the victim of prejudice which led to his elimination after making the top 5.

the Voice 2013
CeeLo Green, Brad Paisley Christina Applegate and Adam Levine

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Voodoo Medicine

A Louisiana medical center has introduced a radical new outpatient service which involves a combination of two ancient and contrasting systems. Acupuncture is an almost 4000 year old medical practice involving the insertion of needles into key areas of the human body, while Louisiana Voodoo is around 300 years old and utilizes black magic and involves the insertion of needles into a likeness of a human to cause harm to that person.
Voodoo Acupuncture
You may feel a small prick...

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Bubes Says - Merry Christmas

Hi Ladies, it's me again. I want to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas. Unfortunately I wont have time to deliver my message to each of you personally so I am sharing it here also.

Bubes Says - Merry Christmas
That seam in my pants makes it look like I have reindeer toe

Monday, December 23, 2013

Random Penguin Fact #41

Random Penguin Fact
Random Penguin Fact

Saturday, December 21, 2013

A great week for Chinese science

This is another entry to our 2014 STP Guest Post Contest. From the keyboard of (her words) long time fan, Jean Poole. Jean does not currently have a blog or a website so we can't promote her here. So go visit www.obamacare.com or something instead.

It has been an historic week for Chinese Science both here on Earth and in space. This is an extract from the latest edition of the Chinese science magazine, 'Chinese Science Magazine'.

Chinese Science Magazine
Chinese Science Magazine

Thursday, December 19, 2013

WTF? Cray Cray Adorbs

by +Alexa Rankin

Some of you will have come across the new series of Sprint commercials featuring James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell where the two world renowned actors voice act a series of social media conversations. I am not sure if Sprint considered that the roles that each of these men are best known for are amongst cinema's most evil.

Actors from Sprint Commercial
Did Sprint research their past?

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Bubes Says - Happy 50th Birthday, Brad Pitt

Hi ladies, are you ready for a real treat? My very good friend, Brad Pitt is celebrating a milestone birthday today (let's face it, when you get to his age, every birthday is a milestone).

Bubes Says - Happy 50th Birthday, Brad Pitt
It's Trojan Man

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Will OK OK Satanic erection at the Capitol?

by +Tina Cruris

A year after a privately funded monument depicting the 10 Commandments was placed in the grounds of the Oklahoma Capitol, a group of Satan worshipers have announced plans to exercise religious equality and place a monument representing their own religion in the very same grounds.

The 10 commandments monument
the Ten Commandments monument

Monday, December 16, 2013

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Justin Bieber is Googled more than Jesus

Here is the first entry to our 2014 STP Guest Post Contest from Andrea Hernandez who can be found at www.thecreativepsycho.com Be sure to stop there AFTER you're finished here.

Who's Jesus you may ask? You know, Jesus with a ‘J’, the man who supposedly sacrificed himself for the people… Yeah him. Well, he's certainly not as popular as JB. Justin a small Canadian boy known for kicking national flags off stage, sleeping with prostitutes in Brazil and occasionally wearing his pants below his knees is today's leader in pop culture.

Bieber leaving a Brazilian brothel
Bieber after having a Brazilian

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Chess Boxing - Where brains and brawn meet

by +Alexa Rankin

I have just discovered a new sport which combines the tough, manly endurance of boxing and the geeky excitement of chess. Ladies and gentlemen I introduce to you ChessBoxing.

ChessBoxing is a real sport
ChessBoxing - this is the chess portion of the bout

Friday, December 13, 2013

Friday 13th part IV

by +Brad Naylor

The more of these we do, the harder it is to come up with something original...

Happy Friday 13th
Happy Friday Thirteenth

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Slap the Penguin Guest Post Contest 2014

by +Alexa Rankin

As the previous winner of the Slap the Penguin Guest Post Contest, it is my pleasure to announce that we are once again asking people to contribute a guest post. The concept is simple, just write a guest post in a style that would mesh seamlessly into our pages and we will feature our favorites here on this site. The best guest writer could become a member of the STP team.

Slap the Penguin 2014 Guest Post Contest
Slap the Penguin 2014 Guest Post Contest

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Bubes Says - Ben Affleck, Really?

Hey ladies, sorry about missing last week. I had this great Paul Walker post ready to go, and... well maybe when things settle down. Anyway, this is older news but there is not much else happening. Why is Ben Affleck playing Batman in the forthcoming Batman vs. Superman movie?

Bubes Says - Ben Affleck, Really?
Didn't Affleck already screw up Daredevil?

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Liam Neeson returns in Tekken 3

by +Ian C

In 2008 Bryan Mills and his particular set of skills (sounds like a character from Viz magazine) rescued his kidnapped daughter from a bunch of cutthroat Albanian traffickers. Then in 2012, the Albanians tried to take revenge on Bryan and his family and were once again outsmarted by the retired CIA guy. Now Bryan is back in Tekken 3 and this time he must battle against fighters from all around the world in order to defeat the evil Heihachi Mishima.

Liam Neeson in Taken 3
I can't believe I said yes to 'Battleship'

Monday, December 9, 2013

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Dear Tina - What does 'Slap the Penguin' mean?

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I have recently discovered your website and have spent quite a bit of time reading it. I particularly like reading Brad's posts. He is so funny... is he single?

Anyway, the reason I emailed your awesome advice column is to find out exactly what 'Slap the Penguin' means. I have Googled it and looked on Wikipedia, but I have not yet found the answer. My friends have their own theories, most of them are sort of rude so I need to prove them wrong and I figured you would probably know the answer.

Thanks, Miss Inquisitive.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Taylor Swift Poll - 1 year on

by +Ian C

12 months ago we published a post about Taylor Swift bouncing around from boy to boy after learning that she dumped Conor Kennedy in favor of One Direction's Harry Styles. The rumor is that Taylor uses these romances to get break-up material for her songs. Following on from the long list of ex-boyfriends we tangentially asked readers to vote on Taylor Swift's appearance.

Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift - Hot or not?

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

What is Lindsay Lohan up to now?

+Alexa Rankin

I was reading Tina's reslap post on Sunday and was actually wondering what Lindsay Lohan was up to. Then as if by magic, Google magic, I was alerted to the fact that LiLo has actually been quite busy recently. Not only is she suing the makers of the biggest video game of the year, but she has also announced her engagement.

Young Lindsay Lohan
A young Lindsay Lohan...

Monday, December 2, 2013

Sunday, December 1, 2013

December Caption Contest

Now that December is upon us we can announce the winner of our November caption contest. It was an uneventful contest with very few entries so picking a winner was easy. You can find out if that was you a little later. First we have to introduce the final caption contest of 2013.

By now you must know how this works, send us a caption for the following image either using the COMMENTS, through our FACEBOOK PAGE or via EMAIL. Make sure you get it to us before the end of the month, contest closes midnight on December 31st.

Here is the picture we want you to create a caption for...

What got slapped 12 months ago - December 2012

by +Tina Cruris

Thanksgiving is done for another year, which means that the year is just one holiday away from being done. But before we get to the end of the year we have time for one more reslap. Join me for a short ride (and this is a really short ride) around the penguin archives of December 2012.

Seasoned readers will know the drill, but for newbies, just scroll down and read the teaser. Then when you want to know more, just click the headline and be transported instantly* with the magic of hyperlink technology to that story (*we can not guarantee the instantness of your personal system configuration or internet service)

Friday, November 29, 2013

Halle Berry releases Christmas Song

by +Ian C

40 something movie star Halle Berry is following in the footsteps of Hayden Panettiere and Gwyneth Paltrow by making that sideways move from the screen to the studio. Halle Berry is taking on the Christmas classic, 'Mary's Boy Child' which was originally a hit back in 1956.

Halle Berry sings Mary's Boy Child
Halle Berry preparing to sing her new single, Mary's Boy Child

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving 2013


Today is the 392nd anniversary of the first Thanksgiving celebration which happened back in 1621. It is also the 4th anniversary of us at Slap the Penguin wishing our readers a Happy Thanksgiving. Over the years we have approached the celebration in slightly different ways, but the message has always been the same.

A pig says "I'm Thankful I'm not a turkey"
He hasn't heard of bacon wrapped turkey with bacon stuffing?

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Bubes Says - I am thankful that I did my Black Friday shopping online

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I know I am a day early, but I don't care, we Canadians celebrated our Thanksgiving back in October. Yes, Canadians have Thanksgiving too. Ours is on the second Monday of October, or as Americans call it, Columbus Day.

Bubes Says - I am thankful that I did my Black Friday shopping online
I got this fetching pilgrim costume for 80% off

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Miley Cyrus hits a mileystone birthday

by +Alexa Rankin

Ouch, the headline puns don't get any better. Yes, Destiny Hope Cyrus finally graduated to legal drinking this week when she turned 21 last Saturday. Most of the excitement was actually lost behind the more interesting celebration of Doctor Who's 50th anniversary, which is the real reason why Miley delayed her celebrations by 24 hours and not to align with the AMA's like she has been telling everyone.

Miley Cyrus 21st birthday cake
Nobody move or the cake gets it

Monday, November 25, 2013

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Top 10 iconic screen cars

by +Brad Naylor

It was a tough task but we have managed to whittle down the list of cars from TV and film to a list of just 10. It took weeks of study and performance measurement to narrow it down and then to place them in order of bestness. We judged the cars on looks, popularity and where they would finish in a race against the other cars. Those numbers were plugged into our secret formula and out popped our top 10.

Top 10 iconic screen cars
It says - Top 10 iconic screen cars

Friday, November 22, 2013

Doctor Who celebrates 50 years

by +Ian C

50 years and 11 faces ago, Doctor Who made his first ever television appearance, the first of many. In total nearly 800 episodes have been screened, covering 239 stories. Each story revolves around The Doctor travelling into a troubled area of time and space with a hapless assistant, discovering that some alien race is messing around with stuff, then putting things right using wit, guile and a sonic screwdriver.
Doctor Who - 50th Anniversary
Doctor Who - geekier than a Radio Shack manager

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Germany has a sense of humor

by +Ian C

For centuries the German nation has been considered by the rest of the world to be a stoic nation with no sense of humor, but the latest round of STP visitor stats contradicts that long held belief. We can officially confirm that Germany does actually have a sense of humor.

Germany - Europe's second funniest nation
Germany - Europe's second funniest nation

Monday, November 18, 2013

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Hundreds of iPads destroyed by bogus apps

by +Alexa Rankin

It seems that technology is making us dumber and the iPad is the leading cause of techtardation. Ever since the first iteration of the i-device, people have been developing apps to make life easier and keep us entertained, but recently there have been a number of apps designed to test peoples stupidity.

Traffic Light Controller Joke App
The Traffic Light Controller App

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dear Tina - My guy loves Arnie more than me

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I think my husband likes Arnold Schwarzenegger more than he likes me. Any time an Arnie movie comes on TV he insists on watching it and yells out catchphrases at the TV, even if they are not in the movie. 

The most annoying one is 'Geht tu dah choppuhr' which he does in a very guttural bad German accent. And then whenever we get a commercial break, he gets up to grab a beer or use the restroom and he says 'Ah'll be baaaack'. 

I don't think it would be so bad if he could do a decent Arnie impression and just do it once to get it out of his system, but it's all the way through the movie. Some days we don't even have to be watching a movie, he just blurts it out. It's like Arnie Tourettes or something.

Please help me before I terminate our marriage,
Mrs. Not an Arnie fan.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Bubes Says - I am Thor, from holding this thilly hammer

Hey ladies, I'm back with another fantastic insight about my amazing life. Yes, I am a singer and ex-international playboy, but there are so many more dimensions to me. Just like a piece of paper has 2 sides, I am more than meets the eye. Here is a picture from one of my recent exploits with my good friend Chris Hemsworth on the set of Thor 2.

Bubes Says - I am Thor, from holding this thilly hammer
You don't understand how heavy Mjölnir is after the 3rd take

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Reslap - Flo in Playboy - 3 Years On

by +Ian C

3 years ago today our very own +Brad Naylor revealed that adult magazine Playboy would be featuring Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials on their December 2010 cover. He posted the story on November 12th 2010 and since that day it has been our most viewed post of all time, averaging almost 500 visits per month.

Flo in Playboy 3 years on
A screen capture of the original post

Monday, November 11, 2013

Sunday, November 10, 2013

A 2,000 pound satellite will crash to Earth today

by +Alexa Rankin

Don't look up today, a twist of irony means that a 2,000 pound satellite may land on your head. It's true that nature does have a sense of humor and someone somewhere will get a first hand demonstration sometime today. I am sorry I can't be more specific but the exact time and impact area have not yet been calculated.

The GOCE satellite
An artists impression of a 2000 lb chunk of space debris

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Where are they now? Child's Play

by +Brad Naylor

It was November 1988 and horror movie fans were about to be exposed to one of the most creepy bad guys in the genre's history, a life size best friend called Chucky. Just what we needed after a bunch of lame horror sequels which dominated 25 years ago. The only other horror movie from 1988 I can think of that is worth mentioning is Hellraiser II: Hellbound.

Child's Play DVD cover
The movie is better than the DVD cover

Friday, November 8, 2013

Blue Language on the set of Smurfs 3

by +Tina Cruris

Even though there is not a smurf called Cursey Smurf, it doesn't stop those tiny adorable blue creatures from using blue language. During down time on the set of Smurfs 3 the air is filled with obscenities which would make Kathy Griffin blush.

Grouchy Smurf using blue language
I wonder why they call him Grouchy Smurf...

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The new craze of headstone advertising

by +Ian C

For those who have recently suffered a loss, you know the expense of burying a loved one, especially considering the cost of real estate these days. Why do you think so many people opt for cremation? A recent survey found that the actual cost (excluding the bar tab at the wake) to bury someone is close to $10,000.

It's not expensive to die, unless you want to be buried
That's what it's gonna take to get a headstone like this

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Bubes Says - Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror

Hi Bubes fans, I am back again to share my latest tale of fun. You may have read about my good friend Pamela Anderson recently completing the New York Marathon (if you haven't then click HERE). You may not know this but I used to be a stand in for both Pam and David Hasselhoff while they were filming Baywatch.

Bubes Says - Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror
An actual Pamela Anderson quote

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Pamela Anderson finishes the NY marathon

by +Alexa Rankin

When Pamela Anderson announced that she would be running in the 2013 New York marathon, many people laughed it off as a publicity stunt or a silly joke, but last Sunday she proved everybody wrong by not just running in the marathon, but actually finishing.

Pamela Anderson finishing the NY marathon
Pamela Anderson finishing the NY marathon

Monday, November 4, 2013

Sunday, November 3, 2013

What got slapped 12 months ago - November 2012

Happy November everyone. A new month means a new reslap (like a recap but for penguin fans) of what we were doing in November 2012. The Presidential election was big news this time last year so you can expect a smattering of politics on your journey through our archives. Don't panic though, we did more than just politics, and besides we offer unbiased and balanced political commentary.

Those of you who have been here before probably know how to use the sidebar archive, but for the new or lazy visitors, read on. We do all the hard work for you.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

CoitUS challenged over name and new logo

by +Brad Naylor

They used to be called Coit Cleaning Services until an expansion project made them an international company. The success of the 'Man in the shiny black van' meant that they could afford to expand to Canada and Thailand and clean carpets and drapes in other countries. In order to identify the original domestic portion of the company they added the letters US after their name.

Coit US cleaning services
Call CoitUS for a full service

Friday, November 1, 2013

November Caption Contest

First of all, I want to thank everybody who entered the October caption contest. We had some astoundingly funny captions and the winner will be announced below after the introduction to the November Caption Contest.

By now, you must know what to do. Look at the picture and imagineer a caption which makes the image funnier. You can use the COMMENTS SECTION below (preferred), or leave your entry on our FACEBOOK PAGE (like us while you are there) or enter by EMAIL.

Now take a look at this and let your creativity flow...

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Bruce Springsteen - Not Born in the USA shocker


Since 1984 American people have been singing along with Bruce Springsteen's anthemic single 'Born in the USA' to profess their love of their country, but in a recent interview The Boss revealed that he was actually not born on United States soil.

Born near the USA
30 years of lies

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Bubes Says... Where's my Lamborghini

Hi it's me Guy Fieri and today we will be making Beef Borghini, Pork Borghini and Chicken Borghini. I was going to make Lamb Borghini but someone stole it in 2011.

HA fooled you, it's not Guy Fieri, it's me, Bubes wearing a Guy Fieri Halloween costume.
Bubes Says - Where's my Lamborghini
That Lamborghini is money

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Bubes Says - Pick your favorite Headswap

Hi everyone, it's me again, Michael Bublé. There is nothjing happening for me this week so I get the chance to do an extra post for you all. I am curious which out of all of the 'Bubes Says...' headswaps is your favorite? Take a look back through all of them and vote below for the one you like best.

Bubes Says -  Pick your favorite Headswap
I like this one

Monday, October 28, 2013

Sunday, October 27, 2013

600 posts and climbing

Now that Back to the Future week is over we can return to some form of normality. That normality would be self congratulatory nonsense as we have just passed another milestone. Yesterday we published post number 600 and we still have a lot more to come with no immediate signs of improvement.

Slap 600 - Since 1955
600 posts and still going

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog

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