Random Penguin Fact #42

The Voice loser blames prejudice for his defeat

It's time for another guest post and this one comes from someone calling themselves KRP-11. Enjoy.

The fifth season of NBC's most popular talent show, The Voice, has recently ended with Tessanne Chin being declared the winner. Even more recently, one of the show's losing contestants has come forward claiming that he was the victim of prejudice which led to his elimination after making the top 5.

CeeLo Green, Brad Paisley Christina Applegate and Adam Levine

Voodoo Medicine

A Louisiana medical center has introduced a radical new outpatient service which involves a combination of two ancient and contrasting systems. Acupuncture is an almost 4000 year old medical practice involving the insertion of needles into key areas of the human body, while Louisiana Voodoo is around 300 years old and utilizes black magic and involves the insertion of needles into a likeness of a human to cause harm to that person.

You may feel a small prick...

Bubes Says - Merry Christmas

Hi Ladies, it's me again. I want to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas. Unfortunately I wont have time to deliver my message to each of you personally so I am sharing it here also.

That seam in my pants makes it look like I have reindeer toe

Random Penguin Fact #41

Random Penguin Fact

A great week for Chinese science

This is another entry to our 2014 STP Guest Post Contest. From the keyboard of (her words) long time fan, Jean Poole. Jean does not currently have a blog or a website so we can't promote her here. So go visit www.obamacare.com or something instead.

It has been an historic week for Chinese Science both here on Earth and in space. This is an extract from the latest edition of the Chinese science magazine, 'Chinese Science Magazine'.

Chinese Science Magazine

WTF? Cray Cray Adorbs

by +Alexa Rankin

Some of you will have come across the new series of Sprint commercials featuring James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell where the two world renowned actors voice act a series of social media conversations. I am not sure if Sprint considered that the roles that each of these men are best known for are amongst cinema's most evil.

Did Sprint research their past?

Bubes Says - Happy 50th Birthday, Brad Pitt

Hi ladies, are you ready for a real treat? My very good friend, Brad Pitt is celebrating a milestone birthday today (let's face it, when you get to his age, every birthday is a milestone).

It's Trojan Man

Will OK OK Satanic erection at the Capitol?

by +Tina Cruris

A year after a privately funded monument depicting the 10 Commandments was placed in the grounds of the Oklahoma Capitol, a group of Satan worshipers have announced plans to exercise religious equality and place a monument representing their own religion in the very same grounds.

the Ten Commandments monument

Random Penguin Fact #40

Random Penguin Fact

Justin Bieber is Googled more than Jesus

Here is the first entry to our 2014 STP Guest Post Contest from Andrea Hernandez who can be found at www.thecreativepsycho.com Be sure to stop there AFTER you're finished here.

Who's Jesus you may ask? You know, Jesus with a ‘J’, the man who supposedly sacrificed himself for the people… Yeah him. Well, he's certainly not as popular as JB. Justin a small Canadian boy known for kicking national flags off stage, sleeping with prostitutes in Brazil and occasionally wearing his pants below his knees is today's leader in pop culture.

Bieber after having a Brazilian

Chess Boxing - Where brains and brawn meet

by +Alexa Rankin

I have just discovered a new sport which combines the tough, manly endurance of boxing and the geeky excitement of chess. Ladies and gentlemen I introduce to you ChessBoxing.

ChessBoxing - this is the chess portion of the bout

Friday 13th part IV

by +Brad Naylor

The more of these we do, the harder it is to come up with something original...

Happy Friday Thirteenth

Slap the Penguin Guest Post Contest 2014

by +Alexa Rankin

As the previous winner of the Slap the Penguin Guest Post Contest, it is my pleasure to announce that we are once again asking people to contribute a guest post. The concept is simple, just write a guest post in a style that would mesh seamlessly into our pages and we will feature our favorites here on this site. The best guest writer could become a member of the STP team.

Slap the Penguin 2014 Guest Post Contest

Bubes Says - Ben Affleck, Really?

Hey ladies, sorry about missing last week. I had this great Paul Walker post ready to go, and... well maybe when things settle down. Anyway, this is older news but there is not much else happening. Why is Ben Affleck playing Batman in the forthcoming Batman vs. Superman movie?

Didn't Affleck already screw up Daredevil?

Liam Neeson returns in Tekken 3

by +Ian C

In 2008 Bryan Mills and his particular set of skills (sounds like a character from Viz magazine) rescued his kidnapped daughter from a bunch of cutthroat Albanian traffickers. Then in 2012, the Albanians tried to take revenge on Bryan and his family and were once again outsmarted by the retired CIA guy. Now Bryan is back in Tekken 3 and this time he must battle against fighters from all around the world in order to defeat the evil Heihachi Mishima.

I can't believe I said yes to 'Battleship'

Random Penguin Fact #39

Random Penguin Fact

Dear Tina - What does 'Slap the Penguin' mean?

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I have recently discovered your website and have spent quite a bit of time reading it. I particularly like reading Brad's posts. He is so funny... is he single?

Anyway, the reason I emailed your awesome advice column is to find out exactly what 'Slap the Penguin' means. I have Googled it and looked on Wikipedia, but I have not yet found the answer. My friends have their own theories, most of them are sort of rude so I need to prove them wrong and I figured you would probably know the answer.

Thanks, Miss Inquisitive.

Taylor Swift Poll - 1 year on

by +Ian C

12 months ago we published a post about Taylor Swift bouncing around from boy to boy after learning that she dumped Conor Kennedy in favor of One Direction's Harry Styles. The rumor is that Taylor uses these romances to get break-up material for her songs. Following on from the long list of ex-boyfriends we tangentially asked readers to vote on Taylor Swift's appearance.

Taylor Swift - Hot or not?

What is Lindsay Lohan up to now?

+Alexa Rankin

I was reading Tina's reslap post on Sunday and was actually wondering what Lindsay Lohan was up to. Then as if by magic, Google magic, I was alerted to the fact that LiLo has actually been quite busy recently. Not only is she suing the makers of the biggest video game of the year, but she has also announced her engagement.

A young Lindsay Lohan...

Random Penguin Fact #38

Random Penguin Fact

December Caption Contest

Now that December is upon us we can announce the winner of our November caption contest. It was an uneventful contest with very few entries so picking a winner was easy. You can find out if that was you a little later. First we have to introduce the final caption contest of 2013.

By now you must know how this works, send us a caption for the following image either using the COMMENTS, through our FACEBOOK PAGE or via EMAIL. Make sure you get it to us before the end of the month, contest closes midnight on December 31st.

Here is the picture we want you to create a caption for...

What got slapped 12 months ago - December 2012

by +Tina Cruris

Thanksgiving is done for another year, which means that the year is just one holiday away from being done. But before we get to the end of the year we have time for one more reslap. Join me for a short ride (and this is a really short ride) around the penguin archives of December 2012.

Seasoned readers will know the drill, but for newbies, just scroll down and read the teaser. Then when you want to know more, just click the headline and be transported instantly* with the magic of hyperlink technology to that story (*we can not guarantee the instantness of your personal system configuration or internet service)

Halle Berry releases Christmas Song

by +Ian C

40 something movie star Halle Berry is following in the footsteps of Hayden Panettiere and Gwyneth Paltrow by making that sideways move from the screen to the studio. Halle Berry is taking on the Christmas classic, 'Mary's Boy Child' which was originally a hit back in 1956.

Halle Berry preparing to sing her new single, Mary's Boy Child

Happy Thanksgiving 2013

by +Tina Cruris

Today is the 392nd anniversary of the first Thanksgiving celebration which happened back in 1621. It is also the 4th anniversary of us at Slap the Penguin wishing our readers a Happy Thanksgiving. Over the years we have approached the celebration in slightly different ways, but the message has always been the same.

He hasn't heard of bacon wrapped turkey with bacon stuffing?

Bubes Says - I am thankful that I did my Black Friday shopping online

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I know I am a day early, but I don't care, we Canadians celebrated our Thanksgiving back in October. Yes, Canadians have Thanksgiving too. Ours is on the second Monday of October, or as Americans call it, Columbus Day.

I got this fetching pilgrim costume for 80% off

Miley Cyrus hits a mileystone birthday

by +Alexa Rankin

Ouch, the headline puns don't get any better. Yes, Destiny Hope Cyrus finally graduated to legal drinking this week when she turned 21 last Saturday. Most of the excitement was actually lost behind the more interesting celebration of Doctor Who's 50th anniversary, which is the real reason why Miley delayed her celebrations by 24 hours and not to align with the AMA's like she has been telling everyone.

Nobody move or the cake gets it

Random Penguin Fact #37

Random Penguin Fact

Top 10 iconic screen cars

by +Brad Naylor

It was a tough task but we have managed to whittle down the list of cars from TV and film to a list of just 10. It took weeks of study and performance measurement to narrow it down and then to place them in order of bestness. We judged the cars on looks, popularity and where they would finish in a race against the other cars. Those numbers were plugged into our secret formula and out popped our top 10.

It says - Top 10 iconic screen cars

Doctor Who celebrates 50 years

by +Ian C

50 years and 11 faces ago, Doctor Who made his first ever television appearance, the first of many. In total nearly 800 episodes have been screened, covering 239 stories. Each story revolves around The Doctor travelling into a troubled area of time and space with a hapless assistant, discovering that some alien race is messing around with stuff, then putting things right using wit, guile and a sonic screwdriver.

Doctor Who - geekier than a Radio Shack manager

Germany has a sense of humor

by +Ian C

For centuries the German nation has been considered by the rest of the world to be a stoic nation with no sense of humor, but the latest round of STP visitor stats contradicts that long held belief. We can officially confirm that Germany does actually have a sense of humor.

Germany - Europe's second funniest nation

Random Penguin Fact #36

Random Penguin fact

Hundreds of iPads destroyed by bogus apps

by +Alexa Rankin

It seems that technology is making us dumber and the iPad is the leading cause of techtardation. Ever since the first iteration of the i-device, people have been developing apps to make life easier and keep us entertained, but recently there have been a number of apps designed to test peoples stupidity.

The Traffic Light Controller App

Dear Tina - My guy loves Arnie more than me

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I think my husband likes Arnold Schwarzenegger more than he likes me. Any time an Arnie movie comes on TV he insists on watching it and yells out catchphrases at the TV, even if they are not in the movie. 

The most annoying one is 'Geht tu dah choppuhr' which he does in a very guttural bad German accent. And then whenever we get a commercial break, he gets up to grab a beer or use the restroom and he says 'Ah'll be baaaack'. 

I don't think it would be so bad if he could do a decent Arnie impression and just do it once to get it out of his system, but it's all the way through the movie. Some days we don't even have to be watching a movie, he just blurts it out. It's like Arnie Tourettes or something.

Please help me before I terminate our marriage,

Mrs. Not an Arnie fan.

Bubes Says - I am Thor, from holding this thilly hammer

Hey ladies, I'm back with another fantastic insight about my amazing life. Yes, I am a singer and ex-international playboy, but there are so many more dimensions to me. Just like a piece of paper has 2 sides, I am more than meets the eye. Here is a picture from one of my recent exploits with my good friend Chris Hemsworth on the set of Thor 2.

You don't understand how heavy Mjölnir is after the 3rd take

Reslap - Flo in Playboy - 3 Years On

by +Ian C

3 years ago today our very own +Brad Naylor revealed that adult magazine Playboy would be featuring Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials on their December 2010 cover. He posted the story on November 12th 2010 and since that day it has been our most viewed post of all time, averaging almost 500 visits per month.

A screen capture of the original post

Random Penguin Fact #35

Random Penguin Fact

A 2,000 pound satellite will crash to Earth today

by +Alexa Rankin

Don't look up today, a twist of irony means that a 2,000 pound satellite may land on your head. It's true that nature does have a sense of humor and someone somewhere will get a first hand demonstration sometime today. I am sorry I can't be more specific but the exact time and impact area have not yet been calculated.

An artists impression of a 2000 lb chunk of space debris

Where are they now? Child's Play

by +Brad Naylor

It was November 1988 and horror movie fans were about to be exposed to one of the most creepy bad guys in the genre's history, a life size best friend called Chucky. Just what we needed after a bunch of lame horror sequels which dominated 25 years ago. The only other horror movie from 1988 I can think of that is worth mentioning is Hellraiser II: Hellbound.

The movie is better than the DVD cover

Blue Language on the set of Smurfs 3

by +Tina Cruris

Even though there is not a smurf called Cursey Smurf, it doesn't stop those tiny adorable blue creatures from using blue language. During down time on the set of Smurfs 3 the air is filled with obscenities which would make Kathy Griffin blush.

I wonder why they call him Grouchy Smurf...

The new craze of headstone advertising

by +Ian C

For those who have recently suffered a loss, you know the expense of burying a loved one, especially considering the cost of real estate these days. Why do you think so many people opt for cremation? A recent survey found that the actual cost (excluding the bar tab at the wake) to bury someone is close to $10,000.

That's what it's gonna take to get a headstone like this

Bubes Says - Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror

Hi Bubes fans, I am back again to share my latest tale of fun. You may have read about my good friend Pamela Anderson recently completing the New York Marathon (if you haven't then click HERE). You may not know this but I used to be a stand in for both Pam and David Hasselhoff while they were filming Baywatch.

An actual Pamela Anderson quote

Pamela Anderson finishes the NY marathon

by +Alexa Rankin

When Pamela Anderson announced that she would be running in the 2013 New York marathon, many people laughed it off as a publicity stunt or a silly joke, but last Sunday she proved everybody wrong by not just running in the marathon, but actually finishing.

Pamela Anderson finishing the NY marathon

Random Penguin Fact #34

Random Penguin Fact

What got slapped 12 months ago - November 2012

Happy November everyone. A new month means a new reslap (like a recap but for penguin fans) of what we were doing in November 2012. The Presidential election was big news this time last year so you can expect a smattering of politics on your journey through our archives. Don't panic though, we did more than just politics, and besides we offer unbiased and balanced political commentary.

Those of you who have been here before probably know how to use the sidebar archive, but for the new or lazy visitors, read on. We do all the hard work for you.

CoitUS challenged over name and new logo

by +Brad Naylor

They used to be called Coit Cleaning Services until an expansion project made them an international company. The success of the 'Man in the shiny black van' meant that they could afford to expand to Canada and Thailand and clean carpets and drapes in other countries. In order to identify the original domestic portion of the company they added the letters US after their name.

Call CoitUS for a full service

November Caption Contest

First of all, I want to thank everybody who entered the October caption contest. We had some astoundingly funny captions and the winner will be announced below after the introduction to the November Caption Contest.

By now, you must know what to do. Look at the picture and imagineer a caption which makes the image funnier. You can use the COMMENTS SECTION below (preferred), or leave your entry on our FACEBOOK PAGE (like us while you are there) or enter by EMAIL.

Now take a look at this and let your creativity flow...

Bruce Springsteen - Not Born in the USA shocker

by +Alexa Rankin

Since 1984 American people have been singing along with Bruce Springsteen's anthemic single 'Born in the USA' to profess their love of their country, but in a recent interview The Boss revealed that he was actually not born on United States soil.

30 years of lies

Bubes Says... Where's my Lamborghini

Hi it's me Guy Fieri and today we will be making Beef Borghini, Pork Borghini and Chicken Borghini. I was going to make Lamb Borghini but someone stole it in 2011.

HA fooled you, it's not Guy Fieri, it's me, Bubes wearing a Guy Fieri Halloween costume.

That Lamborghini is money

Bubes Says - Pick your favorite Headswap

Hi everyone, it's me again, Michael Bublé. There is nothjing happening for me this week so I get the chance to do an extra post for you all. I am curious which out of all of the 'Bubes Says...' headswaps is your favorite? Take a look back through all of them and vote below for the one you like best.

I like this one

Random Penguin Fact #33

Random Penguin Fact

600 posts and climbing

Now that Back to the Future week is over we can return to some form of normality. That normality would be self congratulatory nonsense as we have just passed another milestone. Yesterday we published post number 600 and we still have a lot more to come with no immediate signs of improvement.

600 posts and still going