Hi, hello and howdy to our loyal band of penguin slappers, and any accidental visitors too.
Why yes, it has been a while since we posted anything and yes we are all still alive. I know some of you were probably getting concerned (please don't comment to the contrary, just leave this little fantasy alive) that you hadn't seen or heard or smelled anything from us, but honestly it got too tough to handle all this excitement, and have families and jobs and pets and all the other day to day stuff we have to do first.
For some people (like us) it's easy being funny, but converting funny into text and pictures for a satirical blog post can be tedious and time consuming. Telling a joke or making a quip or whispering snarky comments about someone elses fashion choices is not particularly tough, the real work is actually making that into a viable blog post for millions of people to read. 1.35 million visits at the time of writing to be specific.
The real reason I am writing this is to make sure that there is at least one post recorded for the year 2022 on the archive list so that it doesn't look like we took and entire year off, like we did in 2019 thanks to Mr. Trump calling out fake news and making genuine satirical news sites appear shady rather than a great way to unwind after a hard day at the office. Now everything on social media is fact checked and vetted and we had to make our disclaimers more prominent.
Brad, Tina and Alexa are all well and are equally unhappy about potentially returning to write this drivel, so don't expect any positive inspiration from them. I can't believe it's been nearly 23 months since our last real post and that was just another "Ooops, sorry we were absent" excuse.
Who knows, maybe we will get some financial backing for our work here and be able to quit our reality to become fulltime comedy (and social commentary) writers. Maybe we are too old and out of date to realize that you need to be an influencer in this day and age. Have a brand and sell it. Find a niche and work it. Get followers and exploit them. Type in bursts and then punctuate it. Write like you speak, but with less ummms.
Well, I am tired now and I should probably publish this and head off to bed.
What do you mean you didn't laugh? Just because this is a humorous website, it doesn't mean we have to be funny all the time. Didn't you read anything up to this point? This post was supposed to be a dual purpose "we are not dead/cathartic prose" but if you want a laugh then here is a joke.
A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and said, "Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
"No" said the rabbit.
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Hopefully that will keep you occupied until our triumphant return in 2023, and if it doesn't just flick through the archives and try to spot when during the last 12 years of STP we got fed up and started churning out garbage instead of quality comedy material.
