Top 10 rides at Universal Islands of Adventure

By Ian C

Hello Penguin Slappers, this is a slight deviation from our usual satirical storyline, delving into the depths of serious reporting. The following post reveals my top 10 favorite rides at Universal Islands of Adventure theme park in Orlando, Florida.

 © Universal Islands of Adventure

Tina Turner named as favorite in Dead Pool

By Ian C

Hi everyone, it's been a while, but I had to respond to a comment made on an old post from 2015 regarding the sad deaths of Ben E. King and B.B. King. The anonymous commenter directly blamed us for the subsequent deaths of Prince and, I assume, Queen Elizabeth II. They then followed up by suggesting we had a Dead Pool and that people should bet on Tina Turner.

Tina Turner, still alive at time of writing

SLAPDATE: As of 4/19/23, Tina Turner is not dead, and if she does die between now and some time in the future, then it's not our fault.

SLAPDATE 2: Today is May 25th 2023 and we are sorry to say that Tina Turner has died. Since this post was written 44 days prior her death, we can not be held responsible for anything except maybe a touch of bad taste, but we are known for that anyway. RIP Tina.

We are still alive this Christmas

Hi, hello and howdy to our loyal band of penguin slappers, and any accidental visitors too.

Why yes, it has been a while since we posted anything and yes we are all still alive. I know some of you were probably getting concerned (please don't comment to the contrary, just leave this little fantasy alive) that you hadn't seen or heard or smelled anything from us, but honestly it got too tough to handle all this excitement, and have families and jobs and pets and all the other day to day stuff we have to do first.

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl