Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

The last 4 years

By Tina Cruris

Oh boy do I have some cobwebs in places that I had forgotten about; and boy, do you have your mind in the gutter today. I was obviously talking about my roll top writing desk, which is actually just a desk with a jelly roll sitting on it. Who actually writes - pen and paper writing - these days? I usually just dick hate into my phone and hope that the spellchecker picks up any grandma errors. 

There was a jelly roll here a moment ago

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Dear Tina - How do you pronounce .GIF?

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I recently got into an argument at school about how to pronounce the word GIF. I have always said GIF with a hard G and a buddy claims that it's GIF with a soft G. Please tell me I am right so that I can rub it in his face. I know you are a girl but I know that you can give advice on any topic and I trust you to come through with the facts for me.

P.S. you are super hot looking. Sometimes in bed at night, I read your posts and I touch myself. I tried friending you on facebook but I think there is something wrong because I never get an answer.

Thanks (for everything), Jimmy Johnson

Dear Tina - How can I dump Starbucks?

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am a huge coffee fan but I am sick of paying Starbucks prices. Even though I like their products, I think they are overpriced. What are my options for getting barista quality coffee for less than the price of my daily brew. I don't mind making my own, but I am not impressed by name brand 'instant' coffee. Please help me feed my caffeine craving without emptying my bank account.

Thanks, Carrie Boo

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Dear Tina - What does 'Slap the Penguin' mean?

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I have recently discovered your website and have spent quite a bit of time reading it. I particularly like reading Brad's posts. He is so funny... is he single?

Anyway, the reason I emailed your awesome advice column is to find out exactly what 'Slap the Penguin' means. I have Googled it and looked on Wikipedia, but I have not yet found the answer. My friends have their own theories, most of them are sort of rude so I need to prove them wrong and I figured you would probably know the answer.

Thanks, Miss Inquisitive.

Dear Tina - My guy loves Arnie more than me

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I think my husband likes Arnold Schwarzenegger more than he likes me. Any time an Arnie movie comes on TV he insists on watching it and yells out catchphrases at the TV, even if they are not in the movie. 

The most annoying one is 'Geht tu dah choppuhr' which he does in a very guttural bad German accent. And then whenever we get a commercial break, he gets up to grab a beer or use the restroom and he says 'Ah'll be baaaack'. 

I don't think it would be so bad if he could do a decent Arnie impression and just do it once to get it out of his system, but it's all the way through the movie. Some days we don't even have to be watching a movie, he just blurts it out. It's like Arnie Tourettes or something.

Please help me before I terminate our marriage,

Mrs. Not an Arnie fan.

Dear Tina - I yodel when I climax

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, there is no other way of putting this, but when I reach climax I begin to yodel and continue to do so until fully satisfied.  This has not really been a big issue until recently when my 6 year old daughter overheard me and came into the bedroom to find out what I was singing about.

My husband of 8 years has learned to live with it, even though he says it's cute. It was also a reason why I was so 'popular' during my college years. Now, however, it is an embarrassment because I didn't realize how loud the yodeling actually was.

I have tried to bite down on a pillow and my husband has tried covering my mouth but the sound still gets out. I don't want to have to curb my sex life so what do you suggest I can do to enjoy sex without disturbing my children or causing embarrassment.

Sincerely,  Auntie Climax

Dear Tina - Addicted to Candy Crush

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, there is no other way to say it. I think I am addicted to Candy Crush. I hear the words 'Sweet', 'Divine' and 'Sugar Crush' in my sleep, and when I am not playing it, I am thinking about playing it. I always have to get one last game in before I leave for work, and because of it I am arriving late. 

I find myself unable to concentrate until lunch when I skip eating to play Candy Crush on my phone. Then, when I get home, the first thing I do before taking my shoes off is switch on my laptop to play.

I have been blowing off my friends and family to play Candy Crush and I am starting to hate the person I have become. I have gone as far as creating a second facebook account so I can play while my lives are regenerating on the first account.

My credit card bill arrived 3 days ago and I am scared to open it because I have been buying lives and boosters. I am worried that I have spent way to much money on this game.

Please, please help me,

Candy Crusher

Gift Ideas for Mother's Day

by +Tina Cruris

As an advice guru, people are always asking me what they should get their mother for mother's day, and I tell them, "I don't know". Every mother is different. This week I have had about a dozen emails from people wanting me to do the hard work for them. If you are really that sadly lacking in imagination then get her some flowers, that will always be a hit, but you are more likely to know what your mom's interests are better than I would.

"Flowers...How Ordinawy"

Dear Tina - Addicted to Oral Sex

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I have been married to my man for 6 years and we have a wonderful relationship. We met in college and dated on and off for 3 years and then finally tied the knot. We have always had a 'healthy' sexual relationship but I have found myself wanting to give him oral sex more and more. I just love putting him in my mouth and giving him pleasure. I look for any and every opportunity to give him some oral action, sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. Recently he has been unwilling to put out and I am getting frustrated that he does not want my attention.

Yesterday, in work, I got so worked up thinking about oral that I sucked off a coworker on our lunch break. I don't like the guy sexually but the circumstance arose and I couldn't resist.

Please help me, Tina. Where do I go from here?

Brenda (BJ) Jackson

Dear Tina - Online Dating

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am a 17 year old boy, living in Ohio, and I have just started an online relationship with a 16 year old girl from Pennsylvania called Sarah. We have been chatting for a few months now and she says she wants to meet with me to take our relationship to the next level. This sounds like a very exciting prospect to me, but I have a number of issues which I need to overcome before I can accomplish this. Would you please give me some advice and maybe some guidance since I have no-one else to ask about this kind of situation.

Dear Tina welcomes your questions

It is good to be back after our little break. Nothing like 3 months off to recharge the batteries. For those of you who don't yet know me;
Hi, my name is Tina and amongst other things, I am an expert advice giver. If you need proof then click here to see the STP advice archive. I am not just one of those 'relationship advisers' even though the bulk of questions which come my way are of a sexual/relationship nature.

Dear Tina - I caught him in my underwear

Dear Tina, I have been in a relationship with my man for nearly 3 years. We live together and enjoy a healthy and frequent sex life. The other day, he had a day off and I had to return home from work to pick up my cell phone charger and I caught him parading around our bedroom in my lacy underwear.

I thought that if this ever happened to me, I would be totally disgusted, but I found it to be quite a turn on. He was totally embarrassed at first but once he realised how hot it made me, he quickly settled down. We had some of the hottest sex ever that day, and now he wants to wear them all the time.

Tina, please help, what should I do?

Girlfriend of Pantyman.

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.

Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Tina Cruris - Advice Queen

For those of you who used to read us when we were 'My Twist News', you may remember that I did a semi regular post as a 'Dear Abby' type advice giver. Dear Tina was a little different since it was not limited to relationship advice. Click here to see what kind of stuff I would get asked and how I responded.

Dear Tina - Sexy halloween costumes for the larger lady

Dear Tina, I am a larger lady and I get so jealous of those younger, thinner girls slutting it up in their miniscule halloween outfits and getting all the attention at the parties.

Do you have any costume suggestions for a fuller figured female to get some attention without looking like a hippo that was squeezed into a leatherette corset?

Please help, BBW.