Tim Tebow to join The Vikings?

by +Tina Cruris

Second string New York Jets quarterback, Tim Tebow, is now an EX-second string New York Jets quarterback. He was released yesterday by the Jets on the grounds that he wasn't really any good. When Minnesota Vikings coach, Leslie Frazier heard the news, he immediately contacted Tebow's people and offered him a position with his organization.

The Vikings and Tim Tebow?

Random Penguin Fact #7

Random Penguin Fact

New Release 4/30/13 - LL Cool J

by +Brad Naylor

This week our favorite new release is LL Cool J - Authentic and is available on April 30th.

Deported for being too sexy

by +Alexa Rankin

For as long as humans have been around, people have been deported from their homeland, and for many reasons, mostly revolving around being unspeakably naughty or having outspoken political views, but Omar Borkan Al Gala was deported from his home country of Saudi Arabia for simply being too sexy.

Saudi Arabia (not actual size)

World Penguin Day

by +Ian C

Today is World Penguin Day. From our perspective that is quite important news.

It's World Penguin Day

Bubes Says - Watahhh

Hey, how you doin'? Remember me, Michael 'Bubes' Bublé? Of course you do. I have been so busy with the release of my new CD that I barely had time to visit with my friends at Slap the Penguin. We got chatting and started reminiscing about my crazy past and the time when I was asked to be Bruce Lee's stunt double in 'Enter the Dragon'.

Michael Bublé as Bruce Lee's stunt double

Dear Tina - Addicted to Oral Sex

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I have been married to my man for 6 years and we have a wonderful relationship. We met in college and dated on and off for 3 years and then finally tied the knot. We have always had a 'healthy' sexual relationship but I have found myself wanting to give him oral sex more and more. I just love putting him in my mouth and giving him pleasure. I look for any and every opportunity to give him some oral action, sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. Recently he has been unwilling to put out and I am getting frustrated that he does not want my attention.

Yesterday, in work, I got so worked up thinking about oral that I sucked off a coworker on our lunch break. I don't like the guy sexually but the circumstance arose and I couldn't resist.

Please help me, Tina. Where do I go from here?

Brenda (BJ) Jackson

Random Penguin Fact #6

Random Penguin Fact

Royal baby name leaked

By +Tina Cruris

There is masses of speculation over the name of the soon to be born child of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Those crazy Brits will bet on anything and the leading bookmaker in the UK, William Hill, has the following table of odds on it's website ready for the birth which is due in Mid July.

Royal Baby name odds courtesy of William Hill UK (click to zoom)

New Release 4/23/13 - Michael Bublé

by +Brad Naylor

This week's new release for the masses is Michael Bublé - To Be Loved and is available on April 23rd.

The Highs and the Lowes

by +Ian C

Some readers may know that today, 4/20 is Weed Day and people all over the planet were smoking a joint at 4:20 pm today. The term 420 (pronounced Four Twenty) has become synonymous with smoking cannabis, although the source of the term has been lost in a haze of blue smoke. Some people attribute it to a police code for Marijuana smoking in progress, but the most accepted version of the origin is that 4:20 was the time that a bunch of San Rafael High School kids met on a hill to smoke and get stoned in the 70's.

A Universal Joint

Social Media

by +Tina Cruris

Yeah this is just a blatant plug for our social media pages. You can like us on facebook, or you can follow our twats on twitter. We also share our stuff on Google+.

Tweet the Penguin

Meteorologists create a new season called Sprinter

by +Alexa Rankin

In light of recent weather events affecting much of the United States and other Northern hemisphere countries, leading meteorologists have got together and created a new season. Normally we would have transitioned from cold winter weather into a warmer spring season. However, in many states Spring has been somewhat stalled by a Winter which refuses to go away. 

Will winter ever end in 2013?

Stephen Hawking: "Leave the planet or perish"

by +Ian C

Professor Stephen Hawking, considered to be the smartest person of this generation, has issued a stern warning to mankind about it's future. "Leave the planet or perish!".

Professor Stephen Hawking warns mankind about it's future

Bubes Says - Oppa Gangnam Style

Hello again, it's me Michael 'Bubes' Bublé. It's been a while since I was here last but now I'm back. Remember I ♥ Bubes and Bubes versus TMIMITW, (The Most Interesting Man In The World) well that was me. As you know, I am not well known for my original work, since I usually do better offering interpretations of other peoples songs, and that is what these posts are all about...

Bubes Says... "Oppa Gangnam Style"

Dear Tina - Online Dating

by +Tina Cruris

Dear Tina, I am a 17 year old boy, living in Ohio, and I have just started an online relationship with a 16 year old girl from Pennsylvania called Sarah. We have been chatting for a few months now and she says she wants to meet with me to take our relationship to the next level. This sounds like a very exciting prospect to me, but I have a number of issues which I need to overcome before I can accomplish this. Would you please give me some advice and maybe some guidance since I have no-one else to ask about this kind of situation.

Random Penguin Fact #5

Random Penguin Fact

New Release 4/16/13 - Fall Out Boy

by +Brad Naylor

This weeks new release pick is Fall Out Boy - Save Rock and Roll and is available on April 16th.

Fall Out Boy - Save Rock and Roll

Movie Review - G.I. Joe: Retaliation

by +Tina Cruris

I don't often get called in to do movie reviews, and certainly not reviews of movies which are so blatantly directed towards men. This movie was actually a good excuse for me to get a night out with a friend who refuses to go to the movies with me because he says I always want to watch 'chick flicks'.

Gun Control - Does it go far enough?

by  +Alexa Rankin

One of the hot topics currently is the eternal debate about gun control. There are very few discussions more polarizing than this one, and many people have an opinion. I come from Georgia where most people are against reforming gun control laws and stand by the second amendment with respect to the right to bear arms. The town of Nelson, 50 miles north of Atlanta, has taken the second amendment one step further by passing the 'Family Protection Ordinance' which requires the head of each household to own a gun and ammunition. 

The second amendment is often misunderstood

Margaret Thatcher RIP

Today, Margaret Thatcher, one of the greatest leaders of the modern age, died of a stroke at the age of 87. Whether you loved her or hated her, she was undeniably one of Britain's greatest Prime Ministers and one of the finest world leaders in living memory.

Margaret Thatcher, one of Britain's greatest leaders

Random Penguin Fact #4

Random Penguin Fact

Top 10 hottest animated women

It's been a while since anyone has done a Top 10 post here, so I figured I would make a list. They have always been popular and have promoted discussion in the comments section and I trust that this Top 10 list will do the same.

Since Casey Kasem is busy, and Ryan Seacrest has not returned my requests, I will be presenting the list myself, so...

Here is my list of the 10 most attractive animated women.

The 3rd Annual Slap The Penguin Awards

Welcome to the 3rd Annual Slap the Penguin Awards. I know awards season was a while ago, but we were busy doing other things and some of us at STP worked pretty hard on this, so even though it is a few months late we are still going ahead with it. (Roll opening titles)

Na Na is an undervalued lyric

For the past 50 years, every decade had a song which almost everybody could sing along to; an anthem for a generation, or just a tune to slur after too much alcohol. Most of these songs had 2 things in common, a catchy melody and some easy to learn lyrics.

Na Na Nana Nana Naa Naa

Are you ready for the next Apocalypse?

We lived through the Mayan Apocalypse, a few of Harold Camping's raptures and a couple of asteroid near misses so what has the universe got in store for us next?

Zombie Apocalypse, that's what.

Game of Thrones

The HBO series, Game of Thrones has suddenly become the latest worldwide sensation following on the heels of planking and Tebowing. The franchise has spawned a huge range of associated merchandise including beers from Ommegang Brewery, IKEA furniture and a guy called George R.R. Martin has even written a spin-off book series.

Ermahgerd! Germ Ah Threrns Burr

April Fool Apologies

On behalf of everybody at Slap the Penguin, we would like to apologize for the thoughtless and dangerous April Fools prank we played yesterday. We are all truly saddened by what happened and our thoughts go out to all the people involved in the incident. None of us actually thought that we, as a satirical news blog who constantly put comedy before everything else (including the truth), would be taken at our word, and that people out there would actually attempt what we fictionally reported on.

April Fools Aftermath

April Caption Contest

One of the problems with taking so much time off is leaving people hanging over the results of the December Caption Contest. We will announce the winner of that contest below, but first we launch the April Contest.

Due to the lack of interest in people actually winning the $5 prize, we will not be offering any incentive to play, except for the fun aspect. I can't believe people did not want to win a $5 amazon.com gift card for doing next to nothing.

All you have to do is leave your funny caption for the following image in the comments section below, and the funniest entry will be declared the winner. You have until midnight (STP time) on April 30th to register your entry.