Merry Christmas 2012

We at Slap the Penguin would like to wish all our readers a Merry Christmas. Not 'Happy Holidays' or 'Season's Greetings'. We are not afraid to use the C-word. Christmas is the holiday that we celebrate and we are going to damn well enjoy it. Feel free to enjoy your own personal choice of religious festival.

Merry Christmas

Who will play '50 shades' Christian Grey?

Some enormously disappointing news for Chasing Tantrum fans this week, as he has excluded himself from the ever increasing list of hunks thought to be playing the role of Christian Grey in the movie adaptation of E.L. James' steamy novel, 50 Shades of Grey.

Which actor will have a non-stop S&M sexfest?

Royal baby on the horizon

Latest reports indicate that 'We are pregnant'. We being William and Kate, and I would bet that it is more Kate than it is William, although he may have had a small part in the conception. Conception, which according to an announcement from 'The Palace', happened approximately 12 weeks ago, and according to our calculations puts it right in the exact area of time that Kate was flashing her goodies to the paparazzi.

William and Kate plus 1. Or is it +2?

Taylor Swift is a slut

Seriously, how many 'men' is that chick going to date? I admit that "slut" may be a slightly strong term to use since we don't know how many of them she actually slept with, but the headline got your attention. The 22 year old country music star has now been seen out with Harry Styles from Brit boy-band One Direction, just hours after dumping her previous beau, Conor Kennedy.

Taylor is planning her January boyfriend already

Lindsay Lohan - What Now?

Lindsay Lohan is a favorite of the Slap the Penguin crew, thanks to her constant disregard not just for the law, but for reality. It seems that we can't go an entire month without hearing about LiLo getting into some kind of trouble. So why has she been a conspicuous absentee on STP?

Lindsay Lohan as Liz Taylor

What got slapped 12 months ago - December 2011

For regular fans of this segment, you may notice a small change in the format. For first time visitors you will probably be blissfully unaware of how things used to work. TTLY has changed to a monthly format, so instead of posting a review of the previous year every week, I will be sifting through an entire month of posts and highlighting the top stories from that period, which will be published on the first Sunday of each month, which just happens to be today. Sit down, strap yourself in and lets take a trip back to December 2011.

December Caption Contest

I know what you are going to say. "What happened to the November caption contest...?" The November caption contest never happened thanks to a collection of interesting reasons, which I am not going to get into. Suffice it to say, we had an extra month to decide who won the October Contest and a $5 Amazon.com e-card.

In order to be in with a chance of winning the last prize of 2012, you need to have a valid email address (to send you the prize) and be able to supply a funny caption for the image below. We now offer 2 ways to play.

ENTER TO WIN, email your caption to caption@slapthepenguin.com and we will add it to the comments on your behalf. Be sure to include a screen name so we can credit your entry. Sorry but only emailed entries are eligible for prizes. (We do not keep emails on file after the contest closes. Nor do we sell your details or spam you. Promise.)

ENTER FOR FUN, just add your caption to the comments section below.

Add your funny, $5 winning caption here

Parents name child 'Hashtag'

At 10 pm last Saturday, the world welcomed a new baby girl. There is nothing more precious or beautiful than creating a child. And then, just to spite the splendor of this miraculous moment, you go and give the poor girl possibly one of the worst names ever created.

#sillybabynames

400 posts and counting

This is post number 400. Yippee!

Literal interpretation - one dimension of what we do

Black Friday

Today, Thanksgiving Day, is fast becoming known as Grey Thursday, the precursor to Black Friday. Competing big box retailers are opening their stores earlier and earlier in order to woo customers to shop their store. A few years ago, 4 a.m. was an early start for all but the most eager Black Friday shoppers. 

Black Friday or Black Eye Day?

Happy Thanksgiving

I am honored to be writing this year's Thanksgiving post, or at least I thought I was until I reviewed the previous year's posts. It seems that Ian C doesn't take our beloved holiday as seriously as those who were actually born in this country.

Happy Thanksgiving? - A matter of perspective

U2's Bono has town named after him

Legendary rock star and lead singer of U2, Bono, is about to have a town named after him. Killiniskyduff in Ireland is barely 50 miles south of Dublin, where Bono was born a little over half a century ago and will be renamed Bonoville in a New Year's Day ceremony on January 1st 2013.

Ireland looks like a koala bear

Guest Post - Beaujolais Nouveau

Here is another guest post from the chardonnay stained keyboard of self proclaimed wine expert Morgan David.

Morgan David - Self proclaimed wine expert

Slap the Penguin Virtual Office

It's been kind of quiet here at Slap the Penguin, and the reason behind it is we are having our Virtual Office redecorated. Brad was pissed because we painted over all of his Wham! and The Human League posters. All the glass and chrome has been taken out and replaced with cleaner, greener furniture.

Welcome to the STP Virtual Office

What got slapped 12 months ago - 11/13/11

There are days when I really hate Minnesota. Yesterday it was 70 degrees with a little sun breaking through and I was making plans to write this reslap sitting outside, drinking piña coladas in the warm sun. Well now the time has come to write and it's 27 freaking degrees and raining with a slight mix of snow. I am still drinking piña coladas but I am in my comfy chair, snuggled in my blanky.

You guys know the drill by now, a reslap is a walk down memory lane. We look back at what we were writing TTLY (This Time Last Year). I give you a link to the archive, or give you the option to just keep reading.

Election 2012 - The Aftermath

The votes are in and counted (except for Florida, as usual) and President Barack Obama has been re-elected for another four years. So now we have to deal with the 'Why did Obama win?', 'Why did Romney lose?' discussions. To make it more palatable we are going to add our own election theories and solutions into the mix.

Who won what? Obama = Blue, Romney = Red

Election Day Special

Which way will it go today? Both the Obamocrats™ and Rompublicans™ are out voting and one side will leave the election disappointed.

There can be only one...

I voted, did you?

I voted today. I'm not telling you who I voted for because it's none of your business, just as I don't care who you voted for. That is between you and your beliefs, just so long as you voted for someone today.

I voted, did you?

What got slapped 12 months ago - 11/06/11

It looks like we had a quiet week last week. I thought at one point that I would be publishing back to back reslap posts until Ian and Alexa got in there earlier today. If you are wondering what a reslap is, it is a retrospective of what we were publishing 12 months ago. Also known as a TTLY (this time last year), we offer a guided tour of how this site was much better in 2011 than it is now. If you want to take things at your own pace then you can use the self-guided option otherwise just keep reading and everything will become clear.

Lucas sells Star Wars to Disney

The headline says it all, but here is a brief explanation as we see it. The latest reports suggest that George Lucas was fed up with tweaking and tinkering with his 6 Star Wars movies so he sold LucasFilm Ltd. to Disney Enterprises for the pitiful sum of $4.05 billion. That's billion with a 'b'.

DisLucasneyfilm Ltd?

What got slapped 12 months ago - 10/30/11

This week was a busy one for us last year. There was a lot happening with getting a new writer, and other exciting news which I will get to very shortly. If you can't wait then click here for the archive link, or just keep reading and eventually I will get around to re-slapping the news from 12 months ago.

Sit down, shut up and brace yourself for a roller coaster ride through recent history which will leave you breathless and wanting more.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2

In the world of Venn diagrams there is a circle of Slap the Penguin readers and there is a circle of people who will be going to see the new Twilight movie on the day of release (11/16/12), and to the best of my knowledge, these two circles do not intersect. In other words: A∩B=Ø (thanks Brad).

Mutually exclusive sets? I believe so

Justin Bieber endorses Barack Obama

Hot off the stage after Saturday's performance at the Minneapolis Target Center, we had a chance to share a brief chat with our good friend Justin Bieber. We talked about his career, his life and who he likes for President.

You can depend on my vote Mr Obama

US Mint release new Cuban 'state' quarter

The US Mint have announced that Cuba will be the newest release in the State Quarter program. Since 1999 the US Mint have periodically released these collectible coins into circulation at a rate of 5 states per year beginning with the first state, Delaware and finishing up in 2008 with Hawaii, the 50th state. The popularity and collectibility of these coins forced the mint to come up with some fresh ideas once the 50 states were exhausted.

The new Cuban 'State' quarter

What got slapped 12 months ago - 10/23/11

Wow, this is an easy one this week. There were only two posts this time last year so I am not even going to hit you up with the big introduction. Here is the archive link or you can just keep reading.

< This portion left intentionally blank >

Walmart plan drive-in theater store

Retail giant Walmart have unveiled plans for a pioneering mega-store/drive-in combo in a Twin Cities suburb. The store will open as a regular Walmart Supercenter during daylight hours and convert to a drive-in movie theater after dusk.

Walmart's pioneering dual purpose site begins construction soon

WTF? Honey Boo Boo

Some of you may already know who she is, but for the rest of you, here is a brief introduction to the phenomenon that is Honey Boo Boo.

I want to strangle her already

Partial Tan Bodybuilder or Photoshop Fail?

A bodybuilder partaking in the three-day Arnold Classic Europe bodybuilding event in Madrid, Spain forgot to spray tan his entire head while his body was a delicate shade of overdone hamburger. The difference in color between his head and his body made it look like a really bad Photoshop fail.

You missed a spot

The hottest Christmas toys for 2012

Somebody went and opened her mouth and mentioned last years hot Christmas toy list and has somehow found herself writing this years list. So sit back, relax and let us take the trouble out of finding what is hot and new in the world of Christmas toys.

What got slapped 12 months ago - 10/16/11

Oh my, must be Sunday again because I found an email in my inbox this morning, reminding me about the ReSlap post. Honestly, the life of a satirical news blogger is not as glamorous as you would first imagine. When you have to squeeze comedy writing it in between work and school, and you don't get paid (much) then you know it truly is a labor of love. Especially at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning after working late on a Saturday night. Anyway enough of my life, here is what we did this time last year. Either read on for my commentary or click the [archive link] and explore for yourself.

3rd Presidential debate follows Miss USA format

Two Presidential debates down and one to go. The format of the 3rd and tie breaking debate has been announced as a Miss First Lady USA debate, including the ever popular swimsuit section.

Miss First Lady USA - the 3rd 2012 Presidential debate

World of Warcraft Hacked - Thousands Killed

This week thousands of basement dwellers rediscovered what sunlight was after a hacker broke into an online gaming universe and killed a whole bunch of characters.

I am a level 85 night elf hunter and a level 100 virgin

8 Bit News - Another topless Princess

This is 8 Bit News, a view behind the glossy images which allows us to delve into the meat of the story without the distractions of fancy pictures and graphics.

Today's topic is a continuation of the topless princess scandals. Up to today, 'Princess' Kate has been the center of media attention with her sunbathing escapades [1][2], but now the focus is shifting to another princess who has been caught on camera flashing her goodies.

What got slapped 12 months ago - 10/09/11

Welcome to yet another history lesson, or as we call it a 'reslap', or as SEO experts call it 'cross-indexing'. It really doesn't matter what you call it, it is still a way to remind our readers, as well as ourselves what we were getting up to this time last year. Regular readers of this feature know that there are two options,  À la carte and Table d'hôte. For those who don't speak French or visit fancy restaurants then you can create your own meal or follow the menu (read on).

Mila Kunis - Sexiest Woman Alive

Finally... Rihanna has been stripped of the SWA title bestowed upon her by Esquire magazine in 2011, while they were trying to capture a new demographic (much as American Idol are doing with Nicki Minaj). The new SWA for 2012 is an all together better choice, Mila Kunis.

Mila Kunis crowned Esquire's best looking semi-nude chick

STP finds the i in team

OK, so we didn't find it, but we are sure going to share it.

There is an 'i' in team

Social Media plan for 2016 Presidential Election

The twitter-sphere was going crazy during the first Presidential debate of the 2012 election with users out-tweeting the entire 2008 campaign within the first 10 minutes of the live broadcast, and a total of 10.3 million tweets throughout the debate.

Who was the biggest twit on twitter?

What got slapped 12 months ago - 10/02/11

Here is another chance for you to catch up on what we were doing twelve months ago. As usual you can either explore for your self by clicking here, or you can keep reading and I will ease you through, step by step. Which ever way you choose, you had better brace yourself for a bumpy ride. If you are not alone, then warn those around you that you may be experiencing uncontrollable snickering.

Hitler Beer causes outrage

If you thought the Hitler clothing store in India was in bad taste, then you are going to flip out over this one. A brewery near Bend, Oregon has released a range of beers with a picture of Adolf Hitler on the label.

Hitler Beer from Mein Kampf Brewery, Oregon

October Caption Contest

October is here already, which means that September is over and I have to announce the winner of last month's caption contest (see below), and also present this month's image for captioning. Once again we will be awarding the winner a $5 amazon.com e-card (so long as you have a valid email address). So sit down, and get captioning.

Take a look at this image, and enhance it by thinking up a concise and witty statement which will be 'captioned' below it. 

Witty and concise statement goes here

Just Curious - October

October, the month of Halloween, is upon us and we want to know what you will be wearing for the big night. You will find the poll at the top of the sidebar to the right, unless you are a mobile user in which case you don't have the luxury of a sidebar.

Hours of effort...

8 Bit News - Kate Middleton Bottomless

Welcome to another 8 Bit News story, where we get to focus on the news behind the glossy images.

The Kate Middleton saga continues as more images of her sunbathing exploits have been published. This round of perverted pictures appear to show Kate bottomless while changing bikinis. (Previous story here)

Guest Post - Morgan David talks wine

Occasionally we like to share our stage with other writers who we feel have something interesting to say, and today I am thrilled to introduce a local wine expert, Morgan David, who is going to discuss all things wine.

Morgan David - self proclaimed wine expert

6 degrees of separation from bacon

Midwest pig farmers have just announced that due to this years drought, the number of pigs available for slaughter for food is down by almost 40%, and it would appear that this is a global trend. The pig shortage, which has been cleverly dubbed 'The Aporkalypse', has lead to the British press creating a 'Save our Bacon' campaign, while in the US casual dining breakfast establishments like Perkins and Denny's have been buying and freezing pigs in huge quantities since the news broke.

Freezing pigs at Denny's

Unhealthy treatment of penguins

Last Saturday we received an email from somebody called Amanda Howe from the American Society of Bird Friends, claiming that our website has been "insighting [sic.] violence towards... flightless bird friends". 

Email from Amanda Howe, spokesperson for ASBF

Science proves that red cars go faster

Why is it that the majority of sports cars are red? Science has now proven that red cars actually travel faster than any other color car.

A red sports car - I think it's a Ferrari

What got slapped 12 months ago - 9/25/11

It's been 3 months since we have done a re-slap post, thanks to the summer hiatus in 2011, but we are back on track. This is our opportunity to show casual or new readers what we were writing about this time last year. 

We offer two choices, 1) The guided tour, where you don't need to do anything except read - and 2) The self-guided journey, where we link you to the archive and let you run wild by yourself [link].

Top Halloween Costumes for 2012

2 years ago, Slap the Penguin was first in line with the hot Halloween fashion [proof] and we are going to repeat that feat by announcing this years hottest costume. The 2012 top Halloween costume is all about style, Gangnam style.

Gangnam Halloween Style

Beyond Gangnam Style

Gangnam Style by PSY has become a global viral hit thanks to YouTube and 221 million curious viewers, who have elevated the South Korean 'celebrity' to universal mega-stardom, and special guest slots on important cultural television shows like Today, SNL and Ellen.

PSY on Ellen, SNL and The Today Show

Steve Jobs 1 year after his death

This post was originally planned for October 5th 2012, but we didn't want it to get lost in a mass of Steve Jobs tributes, so we are preempting the rush and publishing it 18 days early.

Steve Jobs was a visionary. He co-founded Apple in 1976 and is credited with single-handedly revolutionizing technology as we know it. Blah, blah, blah! We all know the Apple story, and if you don't then go g**gle it.

The modern Apple story is one of proprietary designs, fanboys and aggressively defending it's 4.7 million trademarks from other tech companies like Samsung (who ironically make the screens and most of the chips found in many i-devices). This mindset was created by Jobs and continues through the Apple corporation even after his untimely death one year ago.

iStone