Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Herman Cain : An Exposé

A woman has come forward claiming that she was Herman Cain's mistress for 13 years. Surprisingly, Herman Cain has denied the accusation, just as he denied all of the sexual harassment accusations that rematerialised after he announced his Presidential campaign.

Herman Cain - America's next black President?
Herman Cain looking like Presidential material

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Another New Writer - Alexa Rankin

It looks like we got this one back to front, since our newest writer has already posted before she was even introduced to the public at large. Please join me in welcoming Alexa Rankin to Slap the Penguin.
Alexa Rankin, about to walk into a post
Alexa Rankin, about to walk into a post

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/28/10

We had a quiet week this time last year, so I was wondering if I should even bother with posting a reslap this week, then I saw that the new girl, Alexa Rankin got her first post up today and I decided it was my duty to deliver for our readers. The full archive can be viewed here.

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 11/26/11

Hi everyone, my name is Alexa Rankin and I was the winner of the Slap the Penguin guest post contest. Ian C invited me to join the team and my role for now is to write a weekly review of the news and the headlines that caught my eye during the previous 7 days.

New CD releases November 29th 2011

Due to a lack of credible music releases and a lack of imagination to string together an alternate list of 5 discs, I have resorted to reviewing the Amazon.com top 5 selling CDs of the year so far. And considering that the year is almost over then I can suggest with confidence that these will be the best selling CDs of the year period. You may notice that the list is dominated by women, and the top four are all 25 or younger.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Today  is the day when America prepares a strategy for Black Friday shopping. For those who are not familiar with Black Friday, it is the day after thanksgiving when all the big box superstores offer ridiculous loss leaders to woo consumers into their stores for a pre-christmas shopping frenzy.

Black Friday
Black Friday Mania

Monday, November 21, 2011

Occupy: From Wall Street to Walmart

The 99% are at it again, this time at one of the nation's largest retailers. Protesters have been camping out in the Walmart parking lot in Little Rock, Arkansas since this morning, protesting the disproportionate allocation of money across the United States.

An occupy crowd gathers at Walmart in Little Rock.
Occupy protesters at a Walmart in Little Rock, Arkansas

Sunday, November 20, 2011

i-voxt, the new i-phone voice texting app

There are over 1/2 million apps out there for the i-phone, so how does a single app stand out far enough from the crowd to be discussed by Slap the Penguin? Easy. Because the fact that it even exists is a sign that technology is making us lazy.
i-voxt, the new voice to text app for the i-phone
i-voxt, the new voice to text app

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/21/10

Another week starts and so here is my reslap of what we were doing 12 months ago. This is a great opportunity to remind yourself of what was happening in the world one year ago. You can also see how funny we used to be, compared to the drivel we publish now. Here is the link for the entire archive.

New CD releases November 22nd 2011

As thanksgiving draws closer and the snowy season kicks off, the realisation that Easter will soon be upon us (according to the seasonal displays in my local Target store), makes me want to sit back and relax, and listen to some great music. Unfortunately I have to review these new releases first.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Ashton and Demi split

After weeks of silence Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have announced that they are separating. Their wedding has lasted as long as 30 Kardashian/Humphries weddings, but they are finally calling it quits, or Kwits, according to Ashton's new social platform.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore to split after 6 years of marriage
You really went with the ripped photo cliché?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Mariah Yeater in paternity scandal

Recent evidence has surfaced almost totally clearing Bieber of being Mariah Yeater's 'baby daddy', but did you know that the identity of her father has been brought into question.

Yeater's mother recently suggested that she had a quick fling with a famous movie star and, as a result, she became pregnant and gave birth to Mariah.

Slap the Penguin can exclusively announce the identity of the celebrity embroiled in this latest scandal involving the Yeater family.

Mariah Yeater and E.T.
The similarity is uncanny, he must be the father

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

i is for apple

I am in favor of technology making life easier. I love my coffee maker which has a delay timer so that I can wake up to piping hot fresh coffee. I love my universal remote control which covers pretty much every aspect of my home entertainment. What I don't love is 3D! Movies, TV video games, it all just gives me a headache.
Slap the Penguin as it comes out of the screen at you
A 3D logo for a 2D website

Sunday, November 13, 2011

New CD releases November 15th 2011

Back to normal this week, after last week's Twilight special, brought on by a severe lack of suitable material to review. Again, we have a extremely eclectic mix of musical styles for you to enjoy, so get comfortable, put on your headphones and rock along with this week's New Releases. Click the pictures to go to Amazon.com to hear samples (in most cases)

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/14/10

Here I am with another "1 year later" post. If you click HERE you can see the entire archive from this time last year.

Brad was on the cutting edge of technology with a tale about Captcha, the wiggly word security system and how the computers are getting their revenge on humanity. Meanwhile, Ian was reporting on the hot political topics involving Sarah Palin's potential Presidential campaign and her resemblance to Tina Fey.

Ashton Kutcher launches his own version of Twitter

In a press conference today, celebrity idiot and wife stealer, Ashton Kutcher announced the launch of his own variation of the popular social media platform, Twitter. The imaginatively named 'Kwitter' is a combination of the words Kutcher and Twitter.

Ashton Kutcher after announcing the launch of Kwitter, his own version of Twitter
Kutcher at the launch of Kwitter

Friday, November 11, 2011

What does 11-11-11 mean to you?

Here is a unique post for a unique date. All four of us are contributing to bring you our personal perspective on today's once in a lifetime date, 11th November 2011 or 11/11/11.

Right here, Slapping the Penguin

Thursday, November 10, 2011

WTF? - Herman Cain

This is my first poke at a WTF? post so let me know how I do.
You may have heard that Herman Cain has been implicated in a number of sexual harassment cases, from his time at the NRA (National Restaurant Association) which may have put a huge dent in his plans to run for President in 2012.
Can I put some meat between those buns?
Herman McCain at the McDonalds Convention

Obama announces Christmas Tree tax

President Obama recently announced a 15 cent tax on the purchase of live Christmas trees in order to raise funds for something or other. A move which has 'needled' people all over the United States for a variety of reasons.

Michelle and Barack Obama infront of their pre-tax tree
"I'm glad we bought this tree before the tax kicked in"

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Twilight Zone - Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart is possibly the most experienced actress out of the 3 lead characters in the Twilight Saga, with more then 20 movies already under her belt. This is no mean feat considering she is only 21 years old.
Kristen Stewart
KStew, KiKi, Kris, That Twilight Chick

Monday, November 7, 2011

What got slapped 12 months ago 11/07/10

This time last there were a couple of very important stories that we uncovered. You can check out the archive here. The news that cigarette packs were to start carrying graphic images and stern warnings about the dangers and consequences of smoking, which U.S. District Judge Richard Leon has just ruled to be unconstitutional, since the FDA's insistence that all packs carry them violates the first amendment rights of the tobacco companies.

The Twilight Zone - Taylor Lautner

If someone asked me 5 years ago what I knew about twilight, I would likely have said, "It's that time when it's no longer day and not yet night." If you asked me now, I would say exactly the same thing. Even though 3 out of the 4 women in my house are crazy about the books and movies, I have great difficulty getting excited about a soppy, angst-ridden, forbidden supernatural love series.

The real twilight
Twilight - No longer day, and not yet night
Using my 'knowledge by osmosis', I have to dissect and reassemble Taylor Lautner and his role in the Twilight movie(s).

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Bieber denies 'Baby Daddy' claim

Justin Bieber vehemently denies that he is the father of Mariah Yeater's baby and is taking a paternity test to prove it. Then when it comes back negative he is suing the ass off her for defamation of character.
Mariah Yeater sporting the 'Just got some in the bathroom' look
Mariah Yeater - Before she loses everything

New CD releases November 8th 2011

Welcome back to another rundown of what is hot and not in the world of new releases. Actually there is only one new release on this weeks list. There was so much crap being released this week that I decided not to bother commenting on it. "If you can't say something nice..."
So instead, since we seem to be having an impromptu Twilight week, here is a rundown of the top 4 Twilight soundtrack CDs.

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Twilight Zone - Robert Pattinson

With the new Twilight movie coming on November 18th, Slap the Penguin is giving you a couple of free 'Twilight for Dummies' posts, just in case you have been living beneath a rock. Yesterday we introduced you to the Twilight Series and now we disect the actors starting with Robert Pattinson who plays the vampire, Edward.

Twilight for Dummies
This is NOT a real book,
it is a satirical representation

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Twilight for beginners (part one)

This month has one of the most important dates on the calendar for teen girls everywhere. (And for some of their moms too). On November 18th 2011, Twilight: Breaking Dawn (part 1) will be unleashed in an unsuspecting theater near you.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

What got slapped 12 months ago 10/31/10

Wow, this time last year was great for stories, and it was really tough to pick a favorite. For the full list click here. Or if you are too lazy then just keep reading for a brief recap or as we call it a reslap. Just like the daily soaps have their rehash of old scenes montage to save having to pay a script writer, we have our rehash the old stories to save us having to actually write something.
Begin dream sequence - DIDDLY DEE, DIDDLY DEE, DIDDLY DEE.

October Movie of the Month - X-Men: First Class

2011 PG-13 131 Minutes

NETFLIX SAYS - In this exciting prequel to the X-Men series, Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) -- the future Professor X and Magneto -- are best friends dedicated to harnessing their powers and promoting the education of fellow mutants during the turbulent 1960s. The duo works together to stop a powerful adversary that threatens mankind, but their ideological differences drive them apart and turn them into ferocious enemies.

Kardashian and Humphries in 10 1/2 weeks

Kris and Kim have bested Mickey and Kim by 1 week, although I highly doubt that their relationship was as tempestuous, or full of blindfolded fridge raiding and cross-dressing alleyway intercourse in the rain.
Kim vs Kim
1 week longer, and 7 ass sizes bigger

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