Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Michael Bay owes us another apology

World renowned explodophile movie director, Michael Bay has already publicly apologized for the mediocre quality of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, claiming that the 2007/08 Screenwriters Guild strike was to blame.

Transformers 2 - Don't waste your time
“Even without a nose, I know this movie stinks”

Michael Bay also went on record saying that Transformers 3 would be much better. No hurried scripts, no multiple sub-plots and no Megan Fox.

Mehan Fox got a little behind in this scene from Transformers 2
No Megan to distract us from the (lack of) script this time

This past weekend, I sat through the entire 3rd movie, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, 2 hours and 34 minutes, and I think that I deserve another apology from Michael Bay. This movie really wasn't any better than the previous offering.

The storyline started off as intriguing and dare I say clever, incorporating the 1969 moon landing. Armstrong and Aldrin were, in reality, investigating an alien landing on the moon and not just making giant leaps for mankind. Ironically these giant leaps were almost the undoing of mankind.

Anyway, long story short, Autobots fight Decepticons, humans get in the way, Shia LaBeouf bumbles his way through, aided by new girlfriend and Josh Duhamel. Stunts, betrayal, explosions, buildings collapse, cavalry arrives, big final showdown, good guys win, and finish with a comical epilogue.

Michael Bay demostrates how big a turd you can make, and then TRANSFORM it into cash
Michael is asked how big of a turd he can make for $500 million

The first movie, Transformers, was fairly good, but once you have seen 2 giant transforming robots fighting in slow motion while they destroy the cars and buildings around them then all variations on this theme are now a little redundant.

In an interview with some flashy movie magazine, Michael was asked about the future of the Transformers franchise and his possible involvement in future ventures, to which he replied something like, “The third movie ties up all the loose ends and has an air of finality to it. It could be possible to reboot the franchise with a fourth movie, but I am very happy with the three movies already under my belt. I will see pigs fly before I come back to do Transformers 4 or Transformers 5
Michael Bay, on the verge of apologising for Transformers 3, spots a flying pig
"Look, a flying pig"

* * * STOP PRESS * * *
It would appear that I am not the only one demanding satisfaction pertaining to the travesty known as Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Shia LaBeouf was recently beaten to a bloody pulp in Vancouver by an angry and shirtless Canadian man requesting financial compensation for what it cost to take his family to see the movie. During the assault a yellow Camaro did NOT come to Shia LaBeouf's aid.

No comments :

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog