google.com, pub-9840409407193699, DIRECT, f08c47fec0942fa0 Slap The Penguin: 07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Blog uses raunchy pics to increase readership

A new blog is published every 11 seconds, so how do you make sure yours is going to get noticed? You could spend money on ad placements or Alexa SEO (search engine optimization). Or you could use sex...
...raunchy, but tasteful...
"...raunchy, but tasteful..."

DJ Lance to leave Gabba Gabba Land

Lance Robertson, the orange jumpsuit wearing DJ on Yo Gabba Gabba is hanging up his furry day-glo bearskin and taking a well earned break from children's TV.
Kidrobot DJ Lance Rock 2010 Dunny Yo Gabba Gabba SDCC
DJ Lance Toy: Perfect for Christmas

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Man versus whale situation escalates

Man has been at 'conflict status amber' with the whales since the July 21st attack in South Africa when a W-122 stealth whale, codename Moby, took out a yacht. Fortunately no-one was injured in the strike, but it set the tempo for one of natures strangest standoff's.
A two fingered whale salute
A whale taunts a human onlooker

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Snooki outraged by typo in contract

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi is red with anger (or is it excessive spray tan? no it's anger) because of a typographical error in the newest draft of her contract with MTV for the new season of Jersey Shore. We were actually suprised to learn that she could read.
Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi
Thanks to SNL for the pic

Smirnoff and Jack Daniels join forces

In the oversubscribed world of hard liquor every major brand is looking for that new flavor or niche product to grab a larger piece of the thinly sliced pie, and two of the biggest names in the spirits world are joining forces to launch a new product.

Jackoff - It's Good
A Jackoff will be available in bars soon

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Barbie to get a Twilight Makeover

International toy giant Mattel Inc. have pencilled in a Halloween 2010 release for the latest incarnation of their popular plastic plaything, Bloodsucking Barbie.
'Twilight' Barbie and Ken

Monday, July 26, 2010

Comic-Con is over for another year

120,000 parental basements have been deserted for the last four days while the nerds of the world have been dressed as Star Wars characters and Comic Book heroes (and villains) at the San Diego Conference Center for the annual Geek-Week Comic-Con.
Geek Yourself

Sunday, July 25, 2010

PayPal Donation Scam

Savvy bloggers are employing a new scam to separate people from their cash. The appearance of 'Donation' buttons has been noticed on more and more blogs, including this one.
MMMMMMmoney
The root of all evil?

Saturday, July 24, 2010

North Korea Threaten Nuclear Retaliation

North Korea is jealous of the US and South Korea being friends and playing wargames together off the South Korean coast, and has threatened a nuclear intervention at the combat practice. The hot air eminates from Pyongyang, a city still recoiling from its country's ass-whooping in the soccer world cup.
Goal Scoring at the North Korean Soccer Camp
Soccer camp in North Korea

Marathon Match was a Plot To Draw Viewers

We all know that men's tennis is about as mindnumbingly dull as watching paint dry, but when a single game last 11 hours and takes 2 days to play, it's like watching the paint dry and then slowly peel off the wall.
Almost a double fault
Almost a double fault!
Women's tennis is another matter. Athletic women in short skirts, bending over and grunting with every exertion, now that I could watch for 11 hours (unless any of the players had the last name Williams - TOO athletic for my heterosexual tastes).

Friday, July 23, 2010

OMG? more like WTF?

Does anyone remember the furore about Macaulay Culkin hanging out with Michael Jackson and the tabloid interest it sparked?  Well Macaulay denied that any inappropriate activities took place, and I am inclined to believe him. After all it is perfectly normal for black music stars to hang around with white, teenage kids. 
Usher Loves Photoshop
Usher loves the magic of Photoshop

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Buckyballs found in space

Astronomers with way to much time on their hands have found something very small, with a silly name and guess what... it's super far away, hanging out not around a swimming pool in Cabo San Lucas, but in the nebula around a white dwarf star.
How many of you remember these?
C60, an artists impression

Archaeologists find new structure at Stonehenge

A story from my homeland about Stonehenge, one of the seven wonders of England. Yes England has 7 wonders, the most recent being How did we get so far in the Soccer World Cup?

The archaeologists used radar to discover the new henge which was apparently a timber construction of similar proportions to it's stone counterpart, built around the same time as it's big brother. I expect that continued study of the area will uncover a third henge with a straw design and the skeletal remains of 3 pigs.

Easy Targets - Mel Gibson and BP

Welcome to the inaugural post of My Twist (now known as Slap the Penguin), my own personal viewpoint of the headlines, whether big or small - local/national/global if I have an opinion then BAM.

First off, MEL COLUMCILLE GERARD GIBSON, the famous American actor who masquerades as a racist, woman hating Australian. [That's right folks, he was born in the US.] I have lost track of all the protected classes he has alienated, and I certainly wouldn't want to be a one-legged Swedish sex-change lesbian coming out of a synagogue when Mel has been drinking.

His alleged comments (alleged now that the integrity of the tapes is now in doubt) regarding oral sex and dwelling destruction remind me of the classic tale of the 3 little pigs.

B.B. Wolf - Little pig, little pig, let me come in (your mouth).
L.P. #1 - You can't put nuts on my chinny chin chin.
B.B. Wolf - Then I'll huff and I'll puff and burn your house down.
L.P. #1 - Bring it on Wolfie, who are the tabloids going to believe? Oh, and I am recording this, which is why I am staying so calm and baiting you into your psycho outbursts of hatred.

* * * * * *

As for British Petroleum and their crude behaviour, what more needs to be said. The spill is now the world's largest ecological disaster churning an estimated 140 million gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. If only it was liquor, we could have Lindsay Lohan save the planet and work off her sentence with community service - cheers.
Only a week ago, the first cap was replaced with a second tighter fitting cap which was described as an 18 ft high, underwater Lego tower. I am definitely going to sleep better tonight knowing that BP has it's finest minds asking their children how to fix the leak.
"Here Dad look what I made to stop the oil."
"Thanks son, It looks just like a Lego tower. It's the best plan we have had since April 20th"


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