Super Bowl LI kills The Celebrity Apprentice

By +Alexa Rankin

The New Celebrity Apprentice has already seen it's lowest viewing figures since records began 14 seasons ago, but tonight could mark an all time low in viewership numbers thanks to Super Bowl LI. With at least 100 million people tuning in to see Tom Brady's Patriots lose to playing America's favorite Atlanta Falcons it is possible that Arnie's Apprentice could actually have less than 1 million viewers tonight.

You're Terminated/Get to da Chopper/I'll be back, you wont/Consider this a divorce
Pick your cliché

Captain America - World's Lamest Superhero

By +Brad Naylor

I felt it necessary to follow up on a comment from one of our readers on my Top 10 Superheroes post. A person calling himself Steve Rogers said "What about Captain America. He is an awesome superhero. He would kick anyone's ass." Well that's bullshit. Captain America is probably the worst superhero in the world. In my opinion he barely qualifies as a hero, without the 'super' prefix.

Steve Rogers raving about Captain America

Happy Cinco de Mayo

by +Brad Naylor

In Mexico, Cinco de Mayo is observed to commemorate the Mexican army's unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín.

In America, Cinco de Mayo is observed to commemorate the creation of Mexico's number one exported beer, Corona, which was invented on May 5th, 1925, under the leadership of Cervecería Modelo.

Corona and Cuervo. ¡Viva mi resaca

Fat Guy Charged Double for Airline Seat

An airline charged an overweight traveler double the usual fare to fly from St Louis, MO to Phoenix, AZ this past week.

An airplane, and a pointless caption
(of course it's an airplane)

Valentine's Day

Ok, I get it. I am the girl. Therefore I am the romantic. Hence I get to write the valentine's day story.



A print out and keep reminder

TSA – Todger Scrotum Ass (in that order)

Recent security measures introduced at our airports have caused widespread controversy and outrage, with some passengers claiming that they have been personally interfered with while undergoing routine pat down searches.

TSA gives lessons on how to maximise your cleavage

No Child Left Behind a.k.a. Lowering the Bar

Since January 8th, 2002 there has been a law in place known as the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 which in essence is a commitment that all schoolchildren will attain the level of education required at certain milestones.

John Herneschenk: Valedictorian and Chief Ditch Technician

Steven Slater - Smug Little Shit

Steven Slater on a good day

You may have heard about the Jet Blue flight attendant who grabbed a beer, pulled the emergency handle and slid down the slide because he couldn't handle his job.

Well I know that you trolley dollys have to deal with annoying and pompous customers on a daily basis, but that is part of your job description. I really don't care if your gay lover broke up with you to be with a Columbian cartel leader, or if your mother's ingrowing toenail is turning septic. Your job is to smile and walk the length of the plane offering 'tea or coffee?'.

I am sorry you were having a bad day, but to inconvenience the entire airport and put paying passenger's lives in danger to pull a half-witted stunt like that then you deserve to be arrested and charged.

Why the popular media is canonizing you and turning you into a modern day folk hero, I don't know. What would have happened if you did this at 20,000 ft?

Steven Slater, enjoy your 15 minutes of fame. When it is over, you will be relegated to obscurity until the next time Jet Blue is in the news.

I found this 'Steven Slater' with a google image search

Easy Targets - Mel Gibson and BP

Welcome to the inaugural post of My Twist (now known as Slap the Penguin), my own personal viewpoint of the headlines, whether big or small - local/national/global if I have an opinion then BAM.

First off, MEL COLUMCILLE GERARD GIBSON, the famous American actor who masquerades as a racist, woman hating Australian. [That's right folks, he was born in the US.] I have lost track of all the protected classes he has alienated, and I certainly wouldn't want to be a one-legged Swedish sex-change lesbian coming out of a synagogue when Mel has been drinking.

His alleged comments (alleged now that the integrity of the tapes is now in doubt) regarding oral sex and dwelling destruction remind me of the classic tale of the 3 little pigs.

B.B. Wolf - Little pig, little pig, let me come in (your mouth).

L.P. #1 - You can't put nuts on my chinny chin chin.

B.B. Wolf - Then I'll huff and I'll puff and burn your house down.

L.P. #1 - Bring it on Wolfie, who are the tabloids going to believe? Oh, and I am recording this, which is why I am staying so calm and baiting you into your psycho outbursts of hatred.

* * * * * *

As for British Petroleum and their crude behaviour, what more needs to be said. The spill is now the world's largest ecological disaster churning an estimated 140 million gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. If only it was liquor, we could have Lindsay Lohan save the planet and work off her sentence with community service - cheers.

Only a week ago, the first cap was replaced with a second tighter fitting cap which was described as an 18 ft high, underwater Lego tower. I am definitely going to sleep better tonight knowing that BP has it's finest minds asking their children how to fix the leak.

"Here Dad look what I made to stop the oil."

"Thanks son, It looks just like a Lego tower. It's the best plan we have had since April 20th"