Thursday, December 17, 2015

900 posts with no end in sight

By +Ian C

Every 100 posts, we pat ourselves on the back and share some of our best recieved stories since the last milestone. This is the 900th post since we started waaaaay back in the 1800's with the birth of the internet which was created as a joint effort between AOL, Western Union and Harriet Beecher Stowe. Sadly, just before her death in 1896 Stowe sold her 33.3% stake in the internet to Richard T. Google.

Tony Hawk is like Shaun White on Wheels
Thanks Tony

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Do they know it's Christmas?

By +Sue Casa

At Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid. Unless it's 1984 and you are about to be assaulted by one of the worst records of all time. Even co-writer and former Boomtown Rat, Bob Geldof admitted that the song was awful, and didn't matter. It was the concept behind the song that was important, and the concept was to raise 70,000 GBP and raise awareness for the plight of areas of Ethiopia where "millions" were dying because of one of the worst famines of all time.

Do They Know It's Christmas?
Well do they? The song never answered the question

Monday, December 14, 2015

Lloyd Bridges picked the wrong week to quit...

By +Brad Naylor

We all know that Lloyd Bridges picked the wrong week to quit a whole bunch of things in the 1980 movie, 'Airplane', but Abrahams, Zucker, and Zucker may have got their inspiration for the character of Steven McCroskey from one of Bridges' earlier roles, that of Deputy Marshal Harvey Pell.

Gary Cooper in High Noon
Gary Cooper was also in this movie

Friday, December 11, 2015

Half a million pageviews for Slap the Penguin

By +Ian C

Thanks to each and every one of you who has visited our pages since July 2010. If only we charged a dollar for each visit, we would have enough money to hire a proper graphic designer who could get the images on our posts correct.

Half a minion? Should be half a million
Where can we get a good graphic designer that we can afford?

Sunday, December 6, 2015

What got slapped 12 months ago - December 2014

By +Tina Cruris

Wow, it's December already and I have to write the last monthly reslap of the year. For those of you who are new to STP, this post is a chance for us all to see what we were writing about this time last year. Read on as I reveal the top 5 posts from 12 months ago.

The  idea is simple, just scroll past the great montage image and read the teasers. When you find a story that interests you, click the headline and you will be automagically whisked back in time to that post. Alternately, you can take the unguided tour through the archive by clicking HERE.

December 2014 Reslap Montage
We were so much funnier 12 months ago

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Hard Root Beer offers limited Star Wars packages

By +Tina Cruris

With the release of the latest Star Wars movie just around the corner, many businesses are looking for that lucrative tie in to boost sales during the holiday season, and maybe even make their annual sales figures. One of those companies is Small Town Brewery, makers of the popular Not Your Father's Root Beer.

I am your father root beer
I'm Your Father Root Beer - available now

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Happy Thanksgiving - 2015

By +Ian C

It has become a tradition for us to make a list of the things that we at Slap The Penguin are thankful for. I have been living in America for a little over a decade and as an outsider I have seen some changes in the sentiment behind Thanksgiving. The emphasis on gratitude and family is slowly being stripped away by the commercial side of America.

Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving

Monday, November 16, 2015

Where are they now? Home Alone

By +Brad Naylor

Can you remember what was showing in movie theatres 25 years ago? I already gave you a blockbuster clue up there ^^^ in the title. Yes it's a quarter century since 8 year old Kevin McCallister was accidentally (?) left Home Alone and forced to protect his parents house from two bumbling burglars during Christmas. Yes I said Christmas, not 'The Holidays', not 'The Festive Season', 25 years ago we were allowed to call it Christmas and nobody got offended.

Home Alone - 25th Anniversary
The kid everybody wanted to slap is back

Friday, November 13, 2015

Friday 13th Part VIII

By +Tina Cruris

Oh God, is it my turn again, already. For those of you who are familiar with STP, you will know that we do a F13 post every time a Friday 13th rolls around. For those of you who actually read our posts then you will know that we haven't made an original F13 post since F13.2, we simply take the same plot, give it a little polish, and repost it, hoping that nobody will notice the resemblance to it's predecessors. 

Friday 13th part VIII - The New Twist
A new twist on an old idea, perhaps?

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Jem and the Holograms movie pulled after 2 weeks

By +Alexa Rankin

Anybody who has visited the movie theater in the last week may have noticed (but probably didn't notice) that the 80's reboot, Jem and the Holograms was no loner playing, after Universal and Blumhouse Productions decided to pull the plug. It would have happened sooner if the theater were not contractually obliged to present the movie for a minimum of 2 weeks.

Renamed Jem and the Hollowgrams
A clip from the Jem and the Holograms movie

Monday, November 9, 2015

Coca-Cola announce new Coke Platinum

By +Ian C

For many years people have used the popular soft drink, Coca-Cola, to mix with their alcoholic beverages. The phrase 'and coke' has punctuated many drink selections such as Jack, Captain, Bacardi, Kahlua and even Jagermeister, but many liquor snobs purists have said, "My whisky/rum/vodka is too good to mix with coke". Well Coca-Cola have listened and have come up with new Coke Platinum.

Coke Platinum Dark and Light
Coke Platinum is available in Light and Dark

Monday, November 2, 2015

Where did the Harry Potter concept originate?

By +Brad Naylor

JK Rowling published the first Harry Potter book way back in 1997 but where did the inspiration for her characters and book titles come from? One possible theory comes from the fact that a former boyfriend was a computer programmer who worked for Hewlett Packard.

HP could stand for Harry Potter or Hewlett Packard
HP could stand for Harry Potter or Hewlett Packard

Sunday, November 1, 2015

What got slapped 12 months ago - November 2014

By +Tina Cruris

Another month passes and another reslap gets written. The idea behind a reslap is to remind our seasoned readers of how funny we used to be, and to give fresh faced fans an insight into how funny we used to be, by highlighting our top stories from 12 months ago.

When I get to write these posts next year i can pretty much take September and October off since we barely reported on anything for the last 2 months. However, in the meantime just scroll down the page and if a story catches your eye, simply click the headline and you will be whisked back in time to yesteryear to read the entire article. Or you can just click HERE to get the entire November 2014 archive.

November 2014 Reslap Montage
November 2014, back when we were funny

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Scientists reveal naturally colored snow

By +Ian C

A team of international scientists based in Helsinki, Finland, have announced that they have created different colored snow, and not by adding food coloring. According to their press release, their method is entirely natural and does not involve dyes or colors.

A filter was applied to this to give the appearance of colored snow
The magic of photo editing shows what colored snow won't look like

Sunday, October 4, 2015

What got slapped 12 months ago - October 2014

By +Tina Cruris

Wow, October came round quickly, especially since we hardly posted anything in September. Once again we will be reviewing or reslapping previous posts from yesteryear. Read on to discover our top stories from this time last year.

Some of you are seasoned reslappers, but for those of you who are new simply scroll down beyond the montage image and read the teasers. Click on the headline of anything that interests you. Or alternately you can click HERE to get a complete list of posts from October 2014 and pick your own top 5.

Top stories from October 2014
Top stories from October 2014 montage

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Health concerns over Fireball Whisky

By +Brad Naylor

One of the most popular alcoholic drinks of the last few years, Fireball, has come under scrutiny after claims that it contains chemicals which are harmful to people. Some Scandinavian countries have already banned sales of the Cinnamon Whisky because of it's high levels of propylene glycol, a humectant used in the food and tobacco industry, and a close relative of ethylene glycol, antifreeze.

Fireball - makes you vomit fire
Fireball - makes you vomit fire

Sunday, September 13, 2015

OED vs Urban Dictionary

By +Sue Casa

Every year the Oxford English Dictionary inducts new words into it's pages so that it can remain relevant and up to date with societal changes. However, this year the OED's online dictionary has gone way too far with it's new additions, lowering itself to the level of the other popular online word repository, urbandictionary.com.

Oxford Dictionary vs Urban Dictionary
Oxford vs Urban - not just a battle of shoes

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Uber driver runs over passenger

By +Ian C

A German born Uber driver took his job literally when he ran ├╝ber a passenger in the Gold Coast area of Queensland, Australia last Friday. Fortunately, the victim's name is Sascha and not Alice, otherwise our headline writer would have had a field day.

Uber means OVER in German
Good job her name was Sascha and not Alice

Sunday, September 6, 2015

What got slapped 60 months ago - September 2010

By +Tina Cruris

Oh boy, another month where we were doing nothing 12 months ago, so I will do what I did in August and reslap what we published 5 years ago, while we were young and funny and cared about what we did on here.

Anyway, happy September to all of you. Brace yourself for a fit of giggles and maybe a little panty wetting because back in 2010 we were really funny. The stories may not have been as well written, and the design was a little spartan, but the material was solid. Read through the teasers from yesteryear, and click on the headline of anything that interests you to be taken to the full story. For those who want the self guided tour of September 2010, click HERE.

Top Stories of September 2010 Montage
Top Stories of September 2010 Montage

Friday, September 4, 2015

Slap the Penguin welcomes Windows 10 users

By +Brad Naylor

Do you have Windows 10 yet? It seems that although Microsoft are claiming that Windows 10 has been installed on almost 100 million devices, only a small percentage of those devices have visited slapthepenguin.com. According to our analytics, during the month of August less than 1.5% of visits to our pages came from a device running Windows 10.

Windows Startup Screen
Upgrading to Windows 10 can be a pane

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Celebrity Panhandling - Flava Flav

By +Ian C

Flava Flav was born William Jonathan Drayton Jr. in March 1959 and grew up to be a musician, rapper, actor, television personality, and comedian. He is best known for his role as the Hype Man in the popular Long Island dance beat combo, Public Enemy. He has been described as the ultimate Hype Man with his shouts of "Yeah Boy!" and "Flava Flav!" during performances. Some would say that these were his most memorable contributions to Public Enemy while others would say they were his only contributions to Public Enemy.

Public Enemy
Flavor Flav, Chuck D and the other 3

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Priest speaks out against pubic shaving

By +Alexa Rankin

Father Wade Mackenzie of St. Martin's Catholic church in Pittsburgh, has stunned his congregation, and is gathering a strong viral following after his comments on personal grooming during last Sunday's service. While preaching about the sins of the flesh he surprisingly shared his interpretation of what God thought about trimming and shaving the pubic region.

Father Mackenzie and his spiritual triangle
Father Mackenzie and his spiritual triangle

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Vietnamese Brothers demonstrate levitation sacks

By +Tina Cruris

30 years ago, a certain movie promised us hover boards by the year 2015. So far the technology has not materialised in a workable format, but they could be about to change thanks to Hoi Dong and Quan Tri Noi, two brothers from Vietnam who have recently demonstrated their levitation sacks, which appear to defy gravity without the need for any kind of magnetic track.

Hoi and Quan show off their sacks
Hoi and Quan show off their sacks

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Doobie, or not doobie? That is the question

By +Alexa Rankin

A joint investigation between South Africa’s University of the Witwatersrand and the Stratford-upon-Avon town council have announced that 4 pipes found in the garden of the world famous writer, William Shakespeare, have tested positive for cannabis.

William Shakespeare, without pipe

Monday, August 10, 2015

Where are they now? Flatliners

By +Brad Naylor

Think back 25 years (if you can), what was showing in movie theaters? A group of med students tinkering with the afterlife, betting their lives on who can be dead the longest before being resuscitated by their peers. That's right, it was Flatliners, the movie which is the oft used hub of 'six degrees of Kevin Bacon'

Damn right some lines shouldn't be crossed

Monday, August 3, 2015

New Species African Golden Wolf discovered

By +Ian C

So often we are hearing about tragedies in the animal kingdom, such as extinctions, so when a new species is discovered we get rather excited about it. This is absolutely the case with the African Golden Wolf, which was recently discovered in Africa.

The African Golden Wolf
The African Golden Wolf looks more like a fox

Sunday, August 2, 2015

What got slapped 60 months ago - August 2010

By +Tina Cruris

Normally I would wish all of you a Happy August and then add some small talk to fill this introductory paragraph and then proceed to review and recap the stories of yesteryear, the highlights from 12 months ago. Well this month, our reslap is going to be a little different.

12 months ago, we were on a break (again) and almost nothing was published for the entire month of August 2014, so you have a choice, you can either skip our reslap for this month and find something more exciting to do, or you can stick with me while I regurgitate the highlights from August 2010, while STP was in it's infancy and was masquerading under it's original title, My Twist News. This is a great opportunity to compare what we are doing today with our writing style of 5 years ago.

August 2010 Montage

Monday, July 27, 2015

Bobbi Kristina Brown finally allowed to die

By +Tina Cruris

6 months after being found brain dead unconscious in a bathtub, Bobbi Kristina Brown has been finally allowed to rest after her body decided to follow suit. Bobbi is the daughter of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, who died in a bathtub in 2012. A celebrity outpouring of messages for the family have been unanimous in the sentiment, "About damn time".

Whitney and Bobbi
Like mother, like daughter

Sunday, July 26, 2015

What would Hitler's social media look like?

By +Brad Naylor

I know facebook is only 11 years old, and Adolf Hitler died 70 years ago, but can you imagine what his social media accounts would look like if the internet was around during World War II?

Hitler's facebook page
Hitler's facebook page

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

5 years and still slapping

By +Ian C

What were you doing on July 22nd 2010? I know what I was doing. I was starting one of the most popular penguin related satirical news sites on the entire interwebs, and now 5 years later I am still doing it because I haven't made enough money to retire yet.

Slap the Penguin 5th anniversary button
Cut out and keep celebratory button, just for you

Sunday, July 19, 2015

The Fitbit fad.

By +Alexa Rankin

For many people, fitness is about walking, running, cycling or swimming to stay in shape and maintain good health, but now there there is a new breed of fitness enthusiasts who measure their success by the number of steps recorded on their Fitbit.

The crazy craze of Fitbit
Danae demonstrates how to put on a Fitbit device

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Man charged for charging his iPhone

By +Sue Casa

A London man was arrested last week on suspicion of 'abstracting electricity' as he charged his iPhone while traveling on public transport. Robin Lee, an artist, plugged his iPhone into an electrical outlet on the overground train while travelling from Hackney to Camden last Friday.

Almost Charged
Arrested and 98% charged...

Monday, July 13, 2015

Where are they now? Ghost

By +Brad Naylor

25 years ago, the world was moved to tears by the story of Sam and Molly and their love. A love which crossed the boundaries of life and death. Even after a quarter century, Ghost is still one of those feel good romantic movies with a 87% success rate of getting to second base with your viewing partner.

Ghost
Ghost - Winner of 2 Academy Awards

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Benedict Cumberbatch can't say 'penguin'

By +Alexa Rankin

In 2009, the sexy voiced Benedict Cumberbatch narrated a BBC documentary called Wild Pacific, which in typical BBC documentary fashion contained some beautiful images and some amazing nature and wildlife footage. The one thing that spoiled it was Benedict's inability to correctly pronounce the word 'penguin'. For many, this may not be a big issue, but for someone who is intrinsically linked with the monochromed flightless bird it's a deal breaker.

Benedict Cumberbatch dressed like a penguin
Benedict Cumberbatch dressed like a pengwing pengling penguin

Thursday, July 9, 2015

The return of the OxterBug

By +Tina Cruris

It would seem that I am becoming the resident entomologist at STP, with my post about avoiding mosquito bites last month and now this story about the resurgence of an insect thought to be eradicated. The Axilla Beetle also known as the OxterBug is a parasitic insect related to the head louse, which makes it's home in the human armpit, feeding on the blood of the host and laying it's eggs in the humid human equivalent of the Amazon rainforest.

An oxterbug going to town on an armpit
Not to scale - an oxterbug munching a celebrity armpit

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

2015 Women's Soccer World Cup goes unnoticed

By +Ian C

Saturday June 6th saw the beginning of the Women's Soccer World Cup in Canada. The month long event culminated with Sunday's final but went by pretty much unnoticed across most of the globe and especially here in the US, where it is not even a tertiary level sport.

2015 Women's World Cup Logo
2015 Women's World Cup Logo

Sunday, July 5, 2015

What got slapped 12 months ago - July 2014

By +Tina Cruris

Happy July everyone. Time for our monthly reslap of all things penguiny. What is the descriptive word for penguin-like anyway? Bears have ursine, dogs are canine, cats are feline. Even buffalo and centipedes have an animal adjective, (Bubaline and Scolopendrine). The internet, in all it's wisdom, does not have an answer so I have decided that henceforth, things related to penguins will be known as penguine.

Oops, Looks like I got slightly sidetracked there. This is a chance for you to see what we were getting up to last year, with our review (or reslap as we call it) of the top 5 posts from 12 months ago. Join us on a journey to yesteryear by reading these tempting tasters and clicking thee headline of anything that you want to read more about. Or for the self guided tour click here for the entire July 2014 archive.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Look first, leap second

By +Brad Naylor

You may remember June 30th, 2012 when the scientific universe decreed that an extra second needed to be added to the year to account for the slowing of the earth's rotation around the sun. This Leap Second allowed the hyper accurate atomic clocks which run on International Atomic Time (TAI) to resync with Universal Time (UT1) which is defined by the rotation of the Earth. Well this year, on Tuesday June 30th we are getting another one.

Universal Time is slowing down
Universal Time - A visual representation

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Top Ten ways to avoid mosquito bites

By +Tina Cruris

Summer is here and so is the Minnesota state bird. For anybody who lives near still water during a humid and hot summer, you will understand how much of a pain the average everyday mosquito can be. I have researched tirelessly to find the top 10 ways to avoid becoming a tasty mosquito treat this summer.

Top 10 anti mosquito tricks
Top 10 anti mosquito tricks

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Celebrate LGBT Pride Month with a sandwich

By +Alexa Rankin

For many members of the population, June is LGBT Pride Month, and is celebrated to honor the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. A series of spontaneous riots broke out in Manhattan, New York in response to a police raid on the Stonewall Inn on June 28th 1969. One local business is celebrating in their own way by making a special LGBT Sandwich available for this weekend only. 

LGBT Sandwich from the Original Sandwich Shoppe
LGBT Sandwich from the Original Sandwich Shoppe

Monday, June 22, 2015

Grey is unleashed on the general public

By +Brad Naylor

June 18th saw the release of the fourth book in E.L. James' 50 Shades of Grey series, 'Grey'. Rather than taxing her mind and challenging her writing 'talent', Ms. James opted to retell the first story through the eyes of billionaire bondagemeister, and hero of the first three books, Christian Grey.

Grey - Christian's perspective of the first book
Grey - Christian's perspective of the first book

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Oprah to feature on redesigned $10 bill?

By +Tina Cruris

The Treasury Department have announced that a newly redesigned $10 bill will be launched in 2020 and for the first time in history a US banknote will feature the image of a woman. The question on everybody's lips is "Which Woman?"

The Oprah $10 bill
The Oprah $10 bill

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