Ashton Kutcher launches his own version of Twitter

In a press conference today, celebrity idiot and wife stealer, Ashton Kutcher announced the launch of his own variation of the popular social media platform, Twitter. The imaginatively named 'Kwitter' is a combination of the words Kutcher and Twitter.

Kutcher at the launch of Kwitter

Kutcher's handlers would not let him deviate from the prepared speech or answer any questions from the assembled members of the media in light of the controversy sparked by his recent uneducated unresearched tweets about Penn. State coach, Joe Paterno.

As a result of Ashton's 140 character rants, his manager and agent have taken away his Twitter privileges until he can demonstrate the level of maturity for someone of his age and social standing.

Kwitter, according to Kutcher, has been in the planning stages for a number of months and is not a knee jerk reaction to having his Twitter account taken away. "I have put a great deal of thought into this project," says Ashton, "every aspect, from the name through to the logo, has been carefully planned out, including the release date. The timing is entirely coincidental to me relinquishing my Twitter account"

The totally original Kwitter logo

We challenged Ashton regarding the name Kwitter. He claims that many months of planning went into Kwitter, however he still came up with a name that we think sounds almost exactly like quitter. In response, Ashton told us that maybe he should have done a little more research into the name, but he is a spontaneous kind of guy and when he sees an opportunity her goes for it.

Whether or not you believe Kutcher's claims about Kwitter being a long standing project, the truth is that the 8 million people who will miss his tweets now have a chance to catch his kweets.

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