Sunday, September 30, 2012

8 Bit News - Kate Middleton Bottomless

Welcome to another 8 Bit News story, where we get to focus on the news behind the glossy images.

The Kate Middleton saga continues as more images of her sunbathing exploits have been published. This round of perverted pictures appear to show Kate bottomless while changing bikinis. (Previous story here)

Friday, September 28, 2012

Guest Post - Morgan David talks wine

Occasionally we like to share our stage with other writers who we feel have something interesting to say, and today I am thrilled to introduce a local wine expert, Morgan David, who is going to discuss all things wine.
Morgan David toasting with a glass of wine
Morgan David - self proclaimed wine expert

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

6 degrees of separation from bacon

Midwest pig farmers have just announced that due to this years drought, the number of pigs available for slaughter for food is down by almost 40%, and it would appear that this is a global trend. The pig shortage, which has been cleverly dubbed 'The Aporkalypse', has lead to the British press creating a 'Save our Bacon' campaign, while in the US casual dining breakfast establishments like Perkins and Denny's have been buying and freezing pigs in huge quantities since the news broke.

Pigs in the snow with a Denny's sign in the background
Freezing pigs at Denny's

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Unhealthy treatment of penguins

Last Saturday we received an email from somebody called Amanda Howe from the American Society of Bird Friends, claiming that our website has been "insighting [sic.] violence towards... flightless bird friends". 

A digitized image of an email
Email from Amanda Howe, spokesperson for ASBF

Monday, September 24, 2012

Science proves that red cars go faster

Why is it that the majority of sports cars are red? Science has now proven that red cars actually travel faster than any other color car.
Ferrari F12 Berlinetta
A red sports car - I think it's a Ferrari

Sunday, September 23, 2012

What got slapped 12 months ago - 9/25/11

It's been 3 months since we have done a re-slap post, thanks to the summer hiatus in 2011, but we are back on track. This is our opportunity to show casual or new readers what we were writing about this time last year. 

We offer two choices, 1) The guided tour, where you don't need to do anything except read - and 2) The self-guided journey, where we link you to the archive and let you run wild by yourself [link].

Friday, September 21, 2012

Top Halloween Costumes for 2012

2 years ago, Slap the Penguin was first in line with the hot Halloween fashion [proof] and we are going to repeat that feat by announcing this years hottest costume. The 2012 top Halloween costume is all about style, Gangnam style.
Psy showing off his gangnam style
Gangnam Halloween Style

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Beyond Gangnam Style

Gangnam Style by PSY has become a global viral hit thanks to YouTube and 221 million curious viewers, who have elevated the South Korean 'celebrity' to universal mega-stardom, and special guest slots on important cultural television shows like Today, SNL and Ellen.
PSY on American TV
PSY on Ellen, SNL and The Today Show

Monday, September 17, 2012

Steve Jobs 1 year after his death

This post was originally planned for October 5th 2012, but we didn't want it to get lost in a mass of Steve Jobs tributes, so we are preempting the rush and publishing it 18 days early.

Steve Jobs was a visionary. He co-founded Apple in 1976 and is credited with single-handedly revolutionizing technology as we know it. Blah, blah, blah! We all know the Apple story, and if you don't then go g**gle it.

The modern Apple story is one of proprietary designs, fanboys and aggressively defending it's 4.7 million trademarks from other tech companies like Samsung (who ironically make the screens and most of the chips found in many i-devices). This mindset was created by Jobs and continues through the Apple corporation even after his untimely death one year ago.

an ipod shaped gravestone for Steve Jobs

8 Bit News - Kate Middleton Topples

8 Bit News Logo
Welcome back to the world of 8 Bit News, the feature which allows us to focus on the story without being distracted by glossy imagery.

Today we are looking at how (princess) Kate Middleton is taking one for the team in an attempt to deflect the media glare from her brother in law, Harry.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

American Idol - Minaj a Trois

Finally the producers of American Idol, have announced the third and final new judge for the upcoming season 12. A huge talent void was left after the untimely departure of J-Lo and Stephen Tyler after just 2 seasons at the judge's table (this is not the first time talent void has been used in the same paragraph as American Idol).
Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey and Keith Urban - American Idol Judges
AI are covering all their musical bases including country, R&B and freak

Wife challenges husband in local election

The city council election in Maywood, California just took a surprising turn when Linda Diek added her name to the race. It's not unusual for a married middle class woman to want to do her part and fight for a place on the city council. What makes this unusual is that she is in direct competition with her husband, Larry Diek, who has served as a council member for the last 12 years.

A house displaying yard signs for both Dieks
Conflicting yard signs in Maywood, Ca.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Dear Tina - I caught him in my underwear

Dear Tina, I have been in a relationship with my man for nearly 3 years. We live together and enjoy a healthy and frequent sex life. The other day, he had a day off and I had to return home from work to pick up my cell phone charger and I caught him parading around our bedroom in my lacy underwear.

I thought that if this ever happened to me, I would be totally disgusted, but I found it to be quite a turn on. He was totally embarrassed at first but once he realised how hot it made me, he quickly settled down. We had some of the hottest sex ever that day, and now he wants to wear them all the time.

Tina, please help, what should I do?

Girlfriend of Pantyman.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Conflict over sports venue escalates

Normally disc golfers and skeet shooters can co-exist on this planet without any issues, but for two weeks during the year, in River Falls, Wisconsin, the two sports collide at Rock Springs Park. The 7 days on either side of the equinox, when summer ends and fall begins, means that the disc golfers and skeet shooters have to share the park since the sport seasons overlap.
composite image of a skeet shooter and disc golfer using the same area for their sport
Skeet Shooting and Disc Golf not co-existing harmoniously

Friday, September 7, 2012

Dwarf planet Pluto redesignated again

The once proud planet, Pluto, suffered humiliation when it's planet status was revoked in August 2006 and replaced with the somewhat lesser 'Dwarf' planet designation. Now Pluto is suffering another identity crisis, this time at the hands of political correctness.
An image of Pluto, the once proud planet
Pluto, the ex-planet and now ex-dwarf planet

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Regis replacement causes ructions

It has been 18 months since Regis Philbin deserted Kelly Ripa on the Live! show, opening speculation as to who would be his replacement. Back in January 2011 we announced exclusively that Tracy "Ice-T" Marrow would fill Regis's shoes [story] .
An old graphic from Live with Regis and Kelly with Ice-T superimposed
This is how it was going to be

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Where's Waldo?

We had such a great response to our Pseudo-ku puzzle that we devised another challenge for our more intellectual readers. Those of you who have already figured out the type of puzzle from the title are the ones who are most likely to solve this one in record time.
Tiger Woods fluffing a golf shot with am image of Wally superimposed
Where's Waldo/Wally? (US/UK)

Monday, September 3, 2012

MTV to cancel Jersey Shore

With the 6th season of Jersey Shore about to hit our screens on October 4th, MTV (which now stands for Moronic TeleVision) have announced that this season will be the last. Personally, I am surprised that it made it this far, however, my job involves me thinking for a living. After this picture of Snooki, Pauly D and the crew, we will examine the circumstances that led to MTV making this earth shattering decision.
The cast of Jersey Shore at a seafood bar
The cast of Jersey Shore with a combimed IQ of 78

Saturday, September 1, 2012

September Caption Contest

Wake me up when September ends, so I can announce the winner of this caption contest. The August winner and $5 prize recipient is announced below. The seasoned veterans of the STP caption contest know how it works, for everyone else we have a brief introduction to captioning.

Look at the image below and think up a comical caption which makes the otherwise boring image amusing. As an extra incentive to play, if you come up with the funniest caption then so long as you have a valid email address then you can win a $5 e-gift card.
The Slap the Penguin caption contest for September
Your winning caption could be here...

Just Curious - September

Take a look at this month's poll. (Web version only- sorry mobile users) We are curious about your opinion when it comes to the best satirical news blog. This is a head to head face off between Slap the Penguin and The Onion, in which you can vote for your favorite. (There is a third, other, option if you have a better suggestion).
The Onion logo next to the Slap the Penguin logo
The Onion vs. The Penguin - vote for your favorite

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