Thursday, December 22, 2022

We are still alive this Christmas

Hi, hello and howdy to our loyal band of penguin slappers, and any accidental visitors too.

Why yes, it has been a while since we posted anything and yes we are all still alive. I know some of you were probably getting concerned (please don't comment to the contrary, just leave this little fantasy alive) that you hadn't seen or heard or smelled anything from us, but honestly it got too tough to handle all this excitement, and have families and jobs and pets and all the other day to day stuff we have to do first.

For some people (like us) it's easy being funny, but converting funny into text and pictures for a satirical blog post can be tedious and time consuming. Telling a joke or making a quip or whispering snarky comments about someone elses fashion choices is not particularly tough, the real work is actually making that into a viable blog post for millions of people to read. 1.35 million visits at the time of writing to be specific.

The real reason I am writing this is to make sure that there is at least one post recorded for the year 2022 on the archive list so that it doesn't look like we took and entire year off, like we did in 2019 thanks to Mr. Trump calling out fake news and making genuine satirical news sites appear shady rather than a great way to unwind after a hard day at the office. Now everything on social media is fact checked and vetted and we had to make our disclaimers more prominent.

Brad, Tina and Alexa are all well and are equally unhappy about potentially returning to write this drivel, so don't expect any positive inspiration from them. I can't believe it's been nearly 23 months since our last real post and that was just another "Ooops, sorry we were absent" excuse.

Who knows, maybe we will get some financial backing for our work here and be able to quit our reality to become fulltime comedy (and social commentary) writers. Maybe we are too old and out of date to realize that you need to be an influencer in this day and age. Have a brand and sell it. Find a niche and work it. Get followers and exploit them. Type in bursts and then punctuate it. Write like you speak, but with less ummms.

Well, I am tired now and I should probably publish this and head off to bed.

What do you mean you didn't laugh? Just because this is a humorous website, it doesn't mean we have to be funny all the time. Didn't you read anything up to this point? This post was supposed to be a dual purpose "we are not dead/cathartic prose" but if you want a laugh then here is a joke.

A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and said, "Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
"No" said the rabbit.
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

Hopefully that will keep you occupied until our triumphant return in 2023, and if it doesn't just flick through the archives and try to spot when during the last 12 years of STP we got fed up and started churning out garbage instead of quality comedy material.

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris
Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.
Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Monday, January 25, 2021

The last 4 years

By Tina Cruris

Oh boy do I have some cobwebs in places that I had forgotten about; and boy, do you have your mind in the gutter today. I was obviously talking about my roll top writing desk, which is actually just a desk with a jelly roll sitting on it. Who actually writes - pen and paper writing - these days? I usually just dick hate into my phone and hope that the spellchecker picks up any grandma errors. 

Jelly Roll Crumbs
There was a jelly roll here a moment ago

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Mandalorian writers add time travel twist

By Brad Naylor

There are many reddits full of fan theories regarding Disney's latest SWU hit, The Mandalorian. One of the latest and least believable is that 'Baby Yoda' is actually baby Yoda. Confused? Keep reading and I will really mess with your mind...

mind your mess with your will I
mind your mess with will I really

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