Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Tina Turner named as favorite in Dead Pool

By Ian C

Hi everyone, it's been a while, but I had to respond to a comment made on an old post from 2015 regarding the sad deaths of Ben E. King and B.B. King. The anonymous commenter directly blamed us for the subsequent deaths of Prince and, I assume, Queen Elizabeth II. They then followed up by suggesting we had a Dead Pool and that people should bet on Tina Turner.

Tina Turner
Tina Turner, still alive at time of writing

SLAPDATE: As of 4/19/23, Tina Turner is not dead, and if she does die between now and some time in the future, then it's not our fault.

SLAPDATE 2: Today is May 25th 2023 and we are sorry to say that Tina Turner has died. Since this post was written 44 days prior her death, we can not be held responsible for anything except maybe a touch of bad taste, but we are known for that anyway. RIP Tina.

I can hear some of you wondering if Tina Turner is going to be in the next Dead Pool movie with Hugh Jackman and that Reynolds guy, but a Dead Pool is actually when a group of people all bet that their nominated person will die before everybody else's person, and whoever's person dies first wins all the money in the pool.

Slap the Penguin absolutely denies all knowledge of such a Dead Pool and also denies sending out hot tips via our posts as to who to bet on for such sick and heinous entertainment. Nowhere did we suggest on our pages that Prince or The Queen would die, even though we all gotta go sometime. Besides, The Queen would be a crap bet since she died years after our original post.

On the topic of picking people to die, I did accidentally kill the manager of the Scottish national football team, Jock Stein in my hometown of Cardiff while watching his team play Wales back in 1985. It was a tight game and Wales were leading 1-0. Scotland were close to tying the game while Jock became more animated in the dugout and I flippantly said, "If the Scots tie it up then Jock is going to have a heart attack". Then 60 seconds later the Scottish players tied the game and Jock died of a heart attack. TRUE STORY. In my defense, I was too young to know about dead pools since the movie wasn't released until 1988, (The Dead Pool - Clint Eastwood not Ryan Reynolds) otherwise it would have been one hell of a bet.

Anyway, to prove that it is all coincidence I am publishing this Tina Turner post because there is no way in the world that she will die within the next 7 days and I do not have death powers. Anyway, Alexa wrote the King Killer post, I just edited and published it.

Share your opinions in the comments, who do you think will be the next celebrity to shuffle off this mortal coil? 


Anonymous said...

You asshole. You killed Tina Turner. OK so it took a month but you killed her. Who are you going to kill next? Michael Caine? Mohammed Ali?

Ian C said...

Dude, seriously, it's not our fault. And besides, Muhammed Ali (check your spelling) died in 2016 (check your facts) so I guess I'll take 100 bucks on Michael Caine going next.

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