Sunday, April 7, 2013

The 3rd Annual Slap The Penguin Awards

Welcome to the 3rd Annual Slap the Penguin Awards. I know awards season was a while ago, but we were busy doing other things and some of us at STP worked pretty hard on this, so even though it is a few months late we are still going ahead with it. (Roll opening titles)

The STP awards logo

Before we start handing out SLAPPYS™, here are the links to the original STP Awards and the 2nd STP Awards. In an interesting twist, Ricky Gervais emailed me back in January looking for an award show to host. Given his 2001 snub and the inordinate payment he requested, we declined, so as usual we are doing this in-house.
The now famous Slappy™ award
The now famous Slappy™ award
If this is your first visit to the Slappy™ Awards, or you are entirely new to STP then let me give you a brief introduction. We are a showcase for some of comedy's brightest and funniest minds. Through the gift of laughter we aim to brighten the day of anybody who visits our site. We also consider this to be a living resume, visible to those who hold the purses for the high paying comedy writing gigs.

Best advice
Tina, our resident advice queen, receives dozens of requests for advice every year. She filters through the masses of emails and replies to just a chosen few. Now we have to filter through those chosen few and pick the most worthy post for this award. The winner is...

Most gratuitous unrelated image
This award is given to the image which barely fits the context of the story and is quite obviously used to attract attention. More often than not, the GUI is of a sexual nature, although sexuality is not a prerequisite to be nominated for this award (yeah right!). The winner is...

Trinity Mounds (last image)- Mitt Romney's 3rd nipple

Most under-appreciated post
Sometimes when you write a post it naturally becomes the funniest, cleverest post of the year, destined to be one of the greatest moments in the history of comedy. However, somewhere down the line, it's destiny becomes disconnected and the post is mostly overlooked and unappreciated. The winner in this category is...

Most viewed story of 2012
On the flip-side, you knock together a story in 30 minutes taking cheap shots at a celebrity and then with help from social media you have a minor viral hit on your hands. The winner here is...

Half-time show
Unlike the Superbowl, we couldn't afford Beyonce, so we hired a male Beyonce impersonator, Heyonce.

Heyonce, the male Beyonce impersonator
Heyonce, the male Beyonce impersonator

Female Celebrity of 2012
This is always a hotly contested category in celebration of those women who consistently create headlines. Previous winners in this category are Taylor Swift and Stephanie 'Progressive Flo' Courtney. The nominees for FC12 are:-
  • For a lot of media exposure, Kate Middleton
  • For being an unwitting object of ridicule, Honey Boo Boo
  • For being married to the Presisdent, Michelle Obama
  • For Twilight and directorial love affairs, Kristen Stewart
  • For being Esquire's SWA 2012, Mila Kunis
The winner is...

Kate Middleton - [topples][bottomless][pregnant]

Male Celebrity of 2012
This is exactly the same as the female celeb category but for men instead. The previous winners were Russell Brand and Elvis Presley. This year the nominees are:-
  • For a small part in a sex tape, Hulk Hogan
  • For having a 3rd nipple and running for election, Mitt Romney
  • For being Tim Tebow, Tim Tebow
  • For taking YouTube and the universe by storm, Psy
  • For making Magic Mike, Channing Tatum
The winner is...

Channing Tatum - [Magic Mike][50 shades]

2012 Slap the Penguin Lifetime Achievement Award
This is the last award, the we give to someone who has dedicated their life to making headlines and giving us material with which to make people laugh. His contributions to the world of music are extensive and well documented, as are his philanthropic efforts.

He has rubbed shoulders with world leaders as well as the poor and hungry of the planet. His ceaseless humanitarian efforts have taken him around the globe multiple times,and he is on beatification fast track list, ensuring that his Saint status should happen within 10 years of his passing, although he has petitioned the church for permission to use the prefix 'The Saintly' until he is officially named a Saint.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the 2012 STP Lifetime achievement award winner, The Saintly Bono. [finds what he is looking for][town named after him]

Bono STP lifetime achievement award winner 2012
Bono STP lifetime achievement award winner 2012
That's it. No more awards. Thanks for joining us for the 2012 Slappys™. Congratulations to our winners, and "Oh, well" to our losers. Thanks to the rest of the STP team for contributing ideas and voting.

Most importantly, thanks to you, the reader, for not complaining about us being 2 months late with this post and missing the momentum of the awards show season.

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