Sunday, January 29, 2012

The 2nd Annual Slap The Penguin Awards

Welcome to the second annual Slap The Penguin Awards. Who would have thought that we would make it to a 2nd award show? Click HERE to read about last year's SLAPPYS.
This year, we didn't bother trying to get a celebrity host after Ricky Gervais totally ignored us last year. So I will be doing the job again, with a little help from my STP co-workers.

The newly redesigned Slappy award
For those of you who are new to Slap the Penguin, we started as a satirical news blog called My Twist News, but have expanded beyond those confines. Slap the Penguin is a showcase for the humorous outpourings of 5 bright comedic talents, looking for a break into a mainstream, high paying comedy writing job.

Best New CD Release
Brad puts together a weekly list of the new CD releases and gives us his honest opinion about them. He covers all genres and styles with equal contempt, but sometimes something will skip through his defenses and he find something nice to say. The voting panel have taken into account his scathing opinion and tried to overlook it while picking a winner, which is...

New CD releases October 24th 2011

Best Advice
As many of our regular readers know, our very own Tina is somewhat of an expert at giving advice, and she demonstrates this with her Dear Tina posts. She has helped literally 10's of people with her insightful knowledge of just about everything. The award for best advice goes to...

Dear Tina - Sexy Halloween costumes for the larger lady

Most Gratuitous Unrelated Image
Ask anyone who knows about advertising what the most useful selling tool is, and they will probably say sex. Ask anyone at Slap the Penguin the same question and they will say, "I don't know. I just write. Ian does the pictures and editing."
For the most part we try to use relevant imagery, but sometimes am image just jumps out and screams "USE ME INSTEAD". This is what we call a GUI or Gratuitous Unrelated Image and is usually added to draw in unsuspecting googlers, searching for other things.
The GUI award goes to...

Kaley Cuoco - Give a penny, just don't give 2500

Half-Time Performance
Now it's time for a break from the awards. We have a real treat for music fans and a big coup for us. Slap the Penguin proudly present our very own Superbowl style half time show, starring the material girl herself, Madonna.

Most Viewed Story of 2011
In 2011, according to stats, the pages of Slap the Penguin were viewed 35,000 times. We appreciate all of our readers, some of whom land on our pages accidentally and disappear almost instantly. Others are repeat visitors who actually like our content and want to read more. 2011 saw many popular stories on our site, including Man sues and Regis Philbin Replacement, but the winner is... Product Review - Cedar Ridge 'Age Your Own Whiskey' Kit

Female Celebrity of 2011
This award acknowledges the women who make the headlines. Without them we would not have had scandal, intrigue, entertainment or enjoyment. The nominees for Female Celebrity are:
  • for being in the Twilight movies, Kristen Stewart
  • for invoking a high profile paternity scandal, Mariah Yeater
  • for putting up with Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore
  • for lots of reasons, Lindsay Lohan
  • for relationship issues and small breasts, Taylor Swift
The winner is... Taylor Swift [relationship issues] [small breasts]

Male Celebrity of 2011 Just like the female celebrity award, the male version is awarded to the man who has given the most to both readers and writers of Slap the Penguin. The nominees for Male Celebrity are:
  • for finally putting on a shirt, Taylor Lautner
  • for being a top search topic, Regis Philbin
  • for not being allowed into multiple countries, Russel Brand
  • for being consistently oblivious to reality, Ashton Kutcher
  • for failing to correctly predict the Rapture date TWICE, Harold Camping
The winner is... Russel Brand [Japan] [Canada]

2011 Slap the Penguin Lifetime Achievement Award
We are down to the last award (thanks to a limited budget) which we are going to present to the person who has made the biggest impact on, for and to our site during 2011. There are many names which you will read on our pages, but throughout 2011 one name stands head and shoulders above the others. (Even though he recently shaved his hair off and won't need Head and Shoulders for a while).
Ladies and gentlemen, the 2011 Slap the Penguin Lifetime Achievement Award goes to the boy who sparkles in the sunlight, Robert Pattinson. [Twilight] [More Twilight]
It looks like Robert is about to say something rude
Well, that's it for another year. Congratulations to the winners, awww to the losers. Thanks to the STP team for contributing ideas and voting on the winners. The Slappyswill return in about 12 months with more of the same, but I know you will be back to see us before then.

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