Friday, April 12, 2013

Movie Review - G.I. Joe: Retaliation

by +Tina Cruris

Movie Review - G.I. Joe: Retaliation
I don't often get called in to do movie reviews, and certainly not reviews of movies which are so blatantly directed towards men. This movie was actually a good excuse for me to get a night out with a friend who refuses to go to the movies with me because he says I always want to watch 'chick flicks'.

On the surface, this movie looks like it could offer some interest to those red blooded women, considering the amount of man candy in the cast list; D.J Cotrona, Dwayne Johnson, Channing Tatum (STP Man of the Year) and for older women, Bruce Willis.

The obvious appeal to men is the fact that it's G.I. Joe, and it's going to be full of macho bullshit, explosions and action. A few one-liners were thrown in because every movie needs a script, even if it doesn't have a plot. Actually, that's not fair, there is a plot. It is thin and simple and totally justifies the use of explosions and martial arts for 90% of this testosterfest.

This scene was deleted from the movie for making male viewers uncomfortable.
The ladies loved it though.
Ultimately, G.I. Joe: Retaliation is a waste of 90 minutes whether you are male or female. It left both us feeling somewhat unsatisfied. The action was both unrealistic and totally overdone, leaving the entire movie completely unbalanced by a severe lack of acting, story and shirtless males. On the bright side, those 90 minutes passed fairly quickly since the movie trotted along at a fair pace, not stopping for unnecessary things like plot points or character development.

Costume design was up to standard and the whole visual design was well done. The effects were well integrated and for the most part seamless, but the 3D was totally wasted on this movie. Save a few bucks and watch the 2D version, since it is more in-tune with the acting.

If you have nothing better to do this weekend then head down to your local movie theater and pig out on some popcorn with G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

I felt sorry for the movie so I gave it 1/5 for story. Even though the movie promised man candy, I had to give it 0/5. Nothing for the men either. Action was the movie's only redeeming feature and it romped home with 5/5, giving an overall Penguin Rating of 2/5.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation - 2/5
G.I. Joe: Retaliation - 2/5

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