Thursday, January 13, 2011

Another Swift romance

It seems that once again love spits in the face of teen country sensation, Taylor Swift, as she very publicly splits with another beau. Slap the Penguin digs around to find out why the teen heart throb cannot hold onto a man for more than 3 months?
I wish I knew how to quit you
"I wish I knew how to quit you"
Since she broke into the music business 5 years ago with the single “Tim McGraw” she has dated numerous boys including the Jonas Brothers, Taylor 'Sharkboy' Lautner, Kanye West and most recently, Jake Gyllenhaal. Each relationship ended in a much publicized manner including via TXT MSG, over the phone, live on stage at an award show and at a birthday party.

The first question should not be 'Why can she not keep a man?', it should be 'How can she get a man in the first place when she looks like Kira from The Dark Crystal?'

Taylor Swift or Kira?
Taylor or Kira?
The answer – Elven magic and glitter. Whenever you see TS performing it is with her trademark sparkly guitar and wearing a shiny dress so that all you see is the long blonde Afghan Hound hair. 

Taylor Swift Sparkles
Oooh... Sparkly!
Back to the original question, 'Why can she not keep a man?' Because she chooses not to. She takes from him what she needs and discards him. Once she has enough 'spurned lover/ugly duckling' material for her next autobiographical album she will dump him, like a vampire who feeds on emotions and casts aside the empty cadaver once it has been sucked dry.

Don't feel sorry for the poor little girl, who was “in the bleachers” while the cheerleaders got the guys. She thrives on your pity. The emotion vampire got a whole year from the Kanye incident at the 2009 VMA's.

Kanye and Taylor
Kanye's advice, "Stay away from the light, don't go into the light"
Kanye was just doing his 'Blade' thing, trying to save mankind from evil. Why else would he wear his Ray-Ban's indoors?

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