Welcome to the 4th Annual Slap the Penguin Awards. This is the reason why many of us have been quiet for the last 2 weeks. It takes time and energy to collect and count votes so our output was severely reduced. Yes we have done this 3 times before and you can see the previous Slappy™ Awards here: ONE TWO THREE
After their Golden Globes performance, we tried to get Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to host The Slappys™ but we couldn't agree on terms. They wanted $250k each and weren't remotely interested in the threesome that was offered, so we are doing it ourselves - again.
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| The third year with the same Slappy™ design |
Sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Please feel free to leave comments at the end, we love your feedback.
Our resident advice queen, Tina Cruris, is always on hand to share her wisdom on any subject. However, most of you write in with questions of a sexual nature (which is fine, but we are trying to raise the bar a little). It was a tough choice trying to decide which of the "Dear Tina" posts would win the Best Advice Award, but we finally narrowed it down to...
Dear Tina - Online Dating
Most Gratuitous Unrelated Image
Sometimes you have to publish an image that catches the readers eye, even if it has nothing to do with the story. We almost didn't include this award this year since we have fired the old image editor and generally don't post unwarranted breasts anymore. We did manage to scrape together a few entries, and the winner is...
Most under-appreciated post
Sometimes when you publish a post, you think it is the best work you have ever done. A world shaking piece of genius just waiting to bring joy to every mind on the planet, and then it just nosedives. It disappears without a trace and never resurfaces. The best example of such a post from 2013 is...
Most viewed post of 2013
Other times you just hit on a hot topic at just the right time and suddenly the social media network just grabs your post and runs with it. Those are the kinds of posts you can't plan for (otherwise we would be doing it all the time). The winner is...
Half Time Show
Every big award show needs some top end entertainment and we are very different. We don't have the funds for a high profile act like Bruno Mars, so we picked up a Bruno Mars impersonator on the cheap. |
| Brian Hershey only cost us $25 |
This is always one of our most anticipated awards. There are always many options for this award and sifting through all of them takes some time. We narrowed it down to just three and asked some of our trusted regular readers to share their opinions before ignoring them and deciding for ourselves who should win. The nominees are:-
- Pamela Anderson for running the New York marathon
- Miley Cyrus for more things than we can list here
- Kim Kardashian for whatever it is she does
The winner is...
Male Celebrity of 2013
In the interest of equality we have to include a male celebrity award. Selecting a top three in the male department was much easier for Tina and Alexa than picking out the top 3 women. Just like the previous award we flipped a coin to see who won. Here are the nominees:-
- Stephen Hawking for his contribution to interplanetary harmony
- George Clooney for possibly being gay
- Kanye West
The male celebrity of 2013 is...
2013 Slap the Penguin Lifetime Achievement Award
Every year we like to give an award to some old fart who hasn't really done much but may deserve some recognition because they haven't recieved any kind of award in a while. We call this the lifetime achievement award and this year we proudly present it to Wrestling Legend and Sex Tape Movie Star Hulk Hogan. [Hogan Week]
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| Hulk Hogan - 2013 STP Lifetime Achievement Award |
That's it. We are done with the awards. 'Well done' to our winners and 'better luck next time' to our losers. Thanks to you, the readers for making this all worthwhile. Thanks to the STP team for making it what it is.
Most of all thanks to all those people who give us inspiration, however small. You know who you are.
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