Tuesday, January 7, 2014

The Polar VortExpress

by +Alexa Rankin

Most of North East America is currently experiencing an extreme cold snap and the blame falls firmly on the shoulders of Tom Hanks. 

The Polar Express
Thanks Hanks!
Tom Hanks and the 15 or so characters he played in the Polar Express movie drove the train up to the North Pole to meet Santa and then returned all the children to their homes on Christmas Eve. According to a local TV meteorologist, Chris Holcomb, the Polar Express on its return journey pierced the perimeter of the Arctic Circle creating a fissure in the polar climate bubble. This fissure went unchecked and developed into a leak and then a full blown sub-zero exodus of ultra cold weather.

"The extreme cold charged south across the North American continent plunging most of Canada and the Eastern half of the United States into a scene from 'The Day After Tomorrow' causing climatic pain and distress to hundreds of thousands of people," Holcomb told us.

More than half of the STP team live in Minnesota which suffered a 20 year low with temperatures getting down to minus 24 degrees with wind chills approaching minus 50 degrees; cold enough to freeze your face off after just 5 minutes of exposure. Our own Brad Naylor said, "All these people complaining about 25 degree temps can suck my frozen balls. We go days on end without getting above zero and months at a time below freezing. Suck it up, you wouldn't last 5 minutes in a Minnesota winter."

Tell us your Polar VortExpress stories in the comments section below.

1 comment :

Anonymous said...

The Day After Tomorrow is a good example to illustrate this Polar Vortex. I should be burning books to fight off the freeze.

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