Stephen Hawking: Intergalactic Terrorist

Greetings 3rd planet dwellers, my name is ελκυστική κυρία πιγκουίνος which translates to Elkystikí̱ Kyría Pinkouínos in Earth speak. First I would like to correct your greatest astronomical thinkers and confirm that Pluto is in fact a planet.

It's easy to differentiate between our sexes

Secondly, I want to warn you about the paranoiacal ramblings of so called super brain Professor Stephen Hawking. Yes he has unlocked some of the universe's greatest secrets, and that is one of the reasons why we have chosen to visit your planet. However, he seems transfixed on the fact that all extra terrestrial life is evil and wants only to take over the planet and eat the inhabitants.

This kind of scaremongering is unacceptable and we respectfully request the instant and explosive destruction of Professor Hawking and everyone who buys into his absurd alien theories. You can run roll, Hawking, but you cannot hide. Anyone found harboring this intergalactic fugitive will be dealt with severely.

A simulation of the public execution of Professor Hawking

We are an otherwise peaceful race and want nothing but the best for your planet. We have spent a long time travelling here to save you from yourselves. Please help us to help you. For further information regarding our visit to your planet click HERE.

Tweet