Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Judgement Day Postponed

It seems that the Day of Reckoning, originally slated for May 21st has been postponed due to unforeseen circumstances.

Armageddon or Christmas Shopping?
"Dammit, where did I park the car?"

The legal department working on behalf of Lord God Almighty were overwhelmed by the sheer number of cases needing to be heard on Judgement Day and were unprepared for the volume of work involved.

Al Feromeggar, a spokesman for the prosecution told us, "Hundreds of new cases are landing on our desks hourly which requires us to continually check records and verify facts so that the naughty people are not allowed to slip through the cracks and enter heaven."

It is estimated that it could take another 5 months to sift through the backlog of coveting the neighbor's ass, stealing and bearing false witness (lying), and then The Lord can begin preliminary hearings in preparation for final judgement which has been given a tentative date of October 21st 2011.
Moses addresses the gangs of New York
Can you count, suckers?
Further delays are expected as the clergy movement submit their petition to protect themselves from prosecution under the Sunday Workers Act, claiming that their holy calling was entrapment. The Decalogue or Ten Commandments clearly states that working Sundays is forbidden and those who do will burn in the fiery pit of hell.

Are you ready to be judged? Do you have your attorney retained? Who will represent the lawyers when the big day comes?


JaneneMurphy said...

Sounds like we could be here awhile. Better start saving for my kids' college again. ;)

nothingprofound said...

Damn bureaucracy-postponed again! I think we should put the Rapture in the hands of private industry. They know how to get things done.

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