Sunday, January 1, 2012

Week in Review with Alexa Rankin - 12/31/11

Hello again, it's me Alexa Rankin, with a collection of the headlines that caught my eye during the week. These may not be the top stories on MSNBC but they were eyecatching important enough to stop me from shopping online for five minutes, in order to read them. This will be the last Week in Review for 2011 so enjoy it. I will return in 2012 so check back soon.

Sears closing stores after limp Christmas
The holidays are over, and so are the crazy 24hr openings and ridiculous Target commercials. Although sales were up overall for this season compared to last year, it seems that nobody was shopping at Sears or Kmart this year.
Sears will close 100 Kmart and Sears stores after poor Christmas sales
It's not the same since Martha Stewart left

According to researchers, the bulk of the Christmas cash went to Target, Walmart and this year, with as many as 16.7% of us shopping exclusively online. Quite honestly, I have only been to a Kmart store twice and both times I was disappointed enough to walk out without buying anything. It's so bad, I wouldn't even shoplift from Kmart.

Sears Roebuck, if you are reading this, close the Kmarts and leave your other stores open.

Snakes on a plane
Well almost, if it wasn't for an alert x-ray tech at the security check at Buenos Aires International airport. A Czech national, Karel Abelovsky, was stopped with a suitcase full of reptiles and molluscs bound for Madrid. A total of 247 rare and exotic animals, including a boa constrictor and a pit viper, were found in plastic bags and boxes and amongst his socks.

This could almost be Samuel L. Jackson in Airplane
Airplane? Surely, you can't be serious
A spokesman for the Argentinian airline JetAzul told us, "We couldn't possibly allow him to board the airplane without first purchasing an extra 247 tickets, in accordance with our no stowaway policy."

It goes to show that you need to check the Czech baggage before they check it.
Checked Baggage
Checked Baggage
On the flipside of Airline security, this week TSA officials at McCarren International Airport in Las Vegas confiscated a red velvet cupcake from a school teacher because the frosting was sufficiently gel-like to be considered a security threat. The only threat was to the size of her ass as she munched on the naughty little confection.

Toys R Us refuse to recall "crazy bitch" doll
Hundreds of parents watched with joy as their little girl unwrapped a "You & Me interactive triplets" set of dolls sold exclusively by Toys R Us. Then that joy turn to shock and/or horror as triplet number three calls out, "Let's Play Crazy Bitch".

Trash talking triplets
Toys R Us are looking to expand our children's vocabulary
The dolls are currently still on sale at Toys R Us stores nationwide if you want to check it out for yourself. They are on the right hand side, just past the 'F-you Pooh' above the 'Suck Me Elmo'

It's been 7 hours and 16 days...
...since you said "I do" to me. Or that's how Nothing Compares 2 U should be sung now. Although originally a Prince song, Sinéad O'Connor recorded a great version of it and kind of made it her own. Anyway, fast forward 21 years and we find that Skinhead O'Connor is now ending her 4th marriage only 16 days after she and Barry Herridge tied the knot in a Las Vegas wedding chapel.
Sinead O'Connor gets married in Vegas
Now we are lawfully joined, let's go get a joint
In a statement on her website, Sinéad announces that family differences which materialized within 3 hours of the wedding put a strain on the union, and the fact that they spent most of the wedding night cruising Vegas trying to buy some weed, since she doesn't drink.

In 2000, Sinéad announced in a magazine that she was a lesbian, and then in 2005 partially renounced that, saying that she was only a quarter gay. No wonder she doesn't stay married very long.

Can U-turn me now?
Cell phone giant, Verizon have done a Netflix and changed their mind about a new $2 surcharge for paying your phone bill by credit card. They announced the U-turn just mere days after alerting customers of the forthcoming charge.
Verizon U-turn
Verizon do a Netflix and bow to customer pressure

1000's of Verizon customers complained about the money grabbing move and threatened to cancel their contracts and move to a competitor causing Verizon chiefs to rethink their half-assed plan. How about a plan to charge cell phone users for texting while driving or doing other obnoxious things with a cell phone, like leaving your ringer on at the movie theater or holding up the line by talking on your bluetooth earpiece while trying to order a grande macchiato.

Thanks for stopping by to catch my weekly review. I would love to read your comments below, so let me know what you think. I am Alexa Rankin and this is the Week in Review.

No comments :

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog