Thursday, June 13, 2013

Alien Penguins: The Real Story

People of Earth. While it is true that we have crossed galaxies to visit your planet to reverse global warming, the rest of our story was not entirely accurate. We were not planning on waking your race up after 1000 years of hibernation. The real reason for keeping you alive in stasis is to provide fresh food for those of us who volunteered to colonize your planet.
Alien Penguin Soldier
Alien Penguin with a death ray

Our plans are already in motion and you cannot stop us. We have already started modifying your weather patterns to produce longer winters and shorter summers. Within 10 years, your planet will experience year round winter and the stasis chambers will be ready for habitation. You will then proceed to the chambers peacefully or perish.

Our superior technology means that your weapons are useless against us, and we will use deadly force to counter any attempts to stop or defy us. Your planet will submit to our might and become ours. Buaa Ha Ha HAAAA!

This could have played out much more peacefully. We fully intended to put your race into stasis with you all thinking that we were friends from a neighboring planet, not a bunch of planet stealing bad guys. Professor Stephen Hawking is entirely to blame for putting a fear of aliens in your minds. He is still at large and we are offering exemption from stasis for anyone who delivers Hawking to us.

Professor Stephen Hawking Wanted Poster
We need to find this man
If you have information about the whereabouts of Stephen Hawking, let us know using the comments section below.

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