Saturday, June 29, 2013

Yoga Pants - Man's Greatest Invention

by +Brad Naylor

If you are like me, you can't have failed to notice the new female fashion trend flowing onto the streets. The phenomenon known as Yoga Pants has exploded out of the gyms and yoga studios and into the supermarkets, coffee shops and basically everywhere.

Wearing yoga pants to do yoga
This is what yoga pants were designed for
Yoga pants are so called because they are form fitting and flexible and were originally designed for comfort and support while doing yoga. You don't want to be doing downward dog while your pants are doing a downward slide. For some reason yoga pants have now become casual day attire for many women, even those who have not even seen the inside of a gym since high school.

Fashion oriented yoga pants for the high street have been given a subtle style makeover to make them slightly less exercise oriented. The picture below shows that the upper portion of the pant remains somewhat unchanged with a figure hugging feel. It is not until you get to the knee that you notice a slight flare develop and a full length fit is preferred to that of a capri style.

Fashion Yoga Pants
How many guys noticed she isn't wearing shoes?
Yoga Pants were in the mainstream news recently as athletic wear company Lululemon recalled a whole bunch of them. The stretch material they used, known as Luon, became sheer under moderate stretching, revealing whatever was being worn underneath (if anything). If this was a deliberate advertising campaign then it was genius as sales rose by 25% and stock value increased by 50% after the recall.

Sheer Yoga Pants by Lululemon
I wonder how long it took for someone to tell her
I am somewhat confused by the popularity of yoga pants considering the fact that they can be extremely figure hugging and, in some cases, leave very little to the imagination regarding labial topography (see Camelodigitus). Since I share a virtual office with two fashion conscious women I asked them their opinion of the 'Yoga Pant'.
Brad Naylor: Do you wear yoga pants?Tina Cruris: Yes
Alexa Rankin: Yes, all the time
BN: Why do you wear them?TC: They are really comfy and so convenient
AR: Cos they make my ass look good, and they are so comfortable
BN: Have you ever done any yoga?
TC: I went with a friend one time, but nothing since
AR: Of course not. I don't have time for yoga
BN: Do you know how sexy yoga pants are?TC: They are not sexy, just like sweats are not sexy
AR: Yes, I do know, and I am wearing them now *WINK*. I just want to add that I never wear the super tight ones that show off the clam, that's just slutty. You need to buy me dinner and a couple of drinks before you get that far.

Thanks to Tina and Alexa for their input.
Just like leggings in the 90's anybody can wear yoga pants, and just like leggings in the 90's not everybody should. 
Yoga pants are not for everyone
That's quite a span for the spandex
Sorry guys, but yoga pants are exclusively for women and Richard Simmons, but I have come up with an idea for a range of pants which are just for men. Unlike the yoga pants, they are not ultra tight and will not show off any unsightly bulges. These pants are hard wearing, can be worn for more than a week between washes and have multiple pockets for keys, wallet, cellphone and small change. The waist band is snug yet allows the wearer to get in there and have a good scratch when no-one is looking.

Gentlemen, I present;
Yoda pants, not yoga pants
"Comfortable they are"
OK your turn. What are your thoughts about yoga pants? 


Helena Fortissima said...

Indeed, they are not for everyone; in fact, no one with a BMI over 24 kg/m2 should consider wearing yoga pants.

Brad Naylor - Slap the Penguin said...

BMI = Butt Mass Index?

randykw said...

Now you know why I am in the back of my Yoga class.

Big D said...

First time I ever saw them , I just thought she'd forgotten to put her skirt on over her tights.

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog