Thursday, April 24, 2014

Captain America - World's Lamest Superhero

By +Brad Naylor

I felt it necessary to follow up on a comment from one of our readers on my Top 10 Superheroes post. A person calling himself Steve Rogers said "What about Captain America. He is an awesome superhero. He would kick anyone's ass." Well that's bullshit. Captain America is probably the worst superhero in the world. In my opinion he barely qualifies as a hero, without the 'super' prefix.

Steve Rogers is blowing Captain America's horn
Steve Rogers raving about Captain America
I know many of you are going to disagree with me, especially since the Captain America movie is performing so well in theaters right now, but let's face it; Captain America is a pussy.

He has no superpowers, and very little in the way of hi-tech gadgetry except for the shield, made in the 1940's out of vibranium. CaptAm is human but has been steroidically enhanced to provide extra strength, extra muscle bulk and also an increase in height (???) from his wimpy former self, who was too puny to join the army during the second world war.

New Steve Rogers meets old Steve Rogers - An artist's impression
After and Before - Captain America
CaptAm was frozen in a big block of ice and thawed out 50 (or so) years later and is now somehow the team leader of The Avengers. I can't really see Hulk or Thor and definitely not Tony 'Ironman' Stark taking orders from steroid boy. I have it on good authority that Wolverine is now an Avenger, and he wouldn't even take orders from Jean-Luc Picard, so Steroid Steve Rogers has no chance.

Professor X shares a thought with Wolverine
"Maybe he should be called Professor XXX...?"
I will admit that Captain America has a fairly cool outfit and he certainly has stage presence, so in the public eye he makes a good hero and leader, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, he just ducks down behind his shield and lets the other Avengers do the work. Typical team leader.

Incidentally, in the overall list of superhero standings, CaptAm finished in 97th place out of 100. He beat Aquaman, BondageBoy and Super Snail, although it was pretty close at the bottom of the list.

Please share your thoughts. Is Captain America just a big puss? Is he really the best leader for the Avengers? Do you believe our superheroes should be chemically enhanced? Would you rank him higher than Aquaman? Use the comments section below.

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