Friday, November 5, 2010

Improvements to NASCAR for 2011

Everybody knows that NASCAR is about as exciting as watching 43 cars drive round in circles for 6 hours, waiting for some guy on a stepladder to wave a checkered flag to end the misery and declare a winner.
Attractive female wearing checkered lingerie
You try g**gling checkered flag ! !
Even the drivers can get bored and some have fallen asleep and forgotten to turn the wheel. And that is where the excitement is lacking, the turn. All you do is put your foot on the gas and turn the wheel to the left. Sometimes if a guy in front of you flips out for a moment you may need to hit the brake to avoid his spinning wreck, but that generally happens less than twice every 500 miles. (1 race).

In an attempt to put more excitement into the sport NASCAR introduced us to their first female driver, Danica Patrick. A rather plain looking female driver who posed semi clothed in various men's magazines to further her career and gain the respect of her fellow drivers.

The two sides of Danica Patrick
Danica demonstrates the power of makeup and cleavage
For the 2011 season NASCAR has announced the following improvements to make their “sport” more exciting to mainstream viewers and not just residents of Hicksville.
  • Fewer laps – each race will be wrapped up in 3 laps.
  • More right turns – no more oval tracks. The courses will be more challenging.
  • No yellow flag – the drivers will take their chances with obstacles on the track.
  • Weapon enabled vehicles – bananas and colored shells can be thrown at other drivers.
  • More personable drivers – new drivers like Mario and Luigi, Yoshi and Toad will join the race.
This is how NASCAR should look

1 comment :

Formula 1 sponsor said...

Another idea would be to add axle enhancements like retractable razor weapons similar to Ben Hur's chariot. This would reduce the number of laps any one driver could complete.

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog