TSA – Todger Scrotum Ass (in that order)

Recent security measures introduced at our airports have caused widespread controversy and outrage, with some passengers claiming that they have been personally interfered with while undergoing routine pat down searches.

TSA gives lessons on how to maximise your cleavage

The pat downs are a result of people refusing to undergo full body scans either through fear of radiation or the shame of someone seeing the outline of their bodies with a hi-tech x-ray machine.

"Hey check out the jelly rolls on this walrus"

These pat downs are personally intrusive and would constitute sexual molestation outside of an airport security zone. A number of incidents have made national news including the “Don't Touch My Junk” guy and the woman who stripped down to her vacation bikini to avoid a pat down.

Wear a bikini and pass through the express lane

TSA official Denny Feltham told us, “National security is our highest priority and passengers must understand that they are paying a small price for the knowledge that their flight is safe from terrorism. We are highly trained and perform the pat downs with minimal personal interference and any contact of an extremely personal nature is entirely accidental.”

Cough - an artist's impression

The American Medical Association are suggesting a joint venture with the TSA to encourage flyers to get their annual physical done at the same time as their screening. According to Dr Phil Yurjonson, “Many of the procedures we see performed by the TSA are similar to how we, as medical practitioners, evaluate patients at a physical examination.”

"This is for National Security, Sir"

Whether we like it or not, the radiation/molestation choice will be around for a while with the third option being don't fly.

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