Tuesday, September 10, 2013

One Direction are the new Spice Girls

by +Ian C

Some years ago, the music industry and maybe even the world was astounded by 5 young British girls (ok 4 girls and 1 woman who lied about her age). Those fab five females were the Spice Girls and they were hell bent on delivering Girl Power to the masses. Now nearly 20 years later, we have the next generation of Spice Girls, except they are boys. They are One Direction.

The Spice Boys
The Spice Boys
There are numerous similarities to be drawn between the two groups:
Both bands were manufactured by a music mogul named Simon. The Spice Girls were created by Simon Fuller and One Direction were crafted by Simon Cowell.
Both bands had great success in the British music charts. The Spice Girls had 8 British #1 singles from 10 releases. 1D have had 3 #1's out of 9 attempts, but to be fair, the Spice Girls had nicer tits.
Both bands released a movie at the peak of their career. The Spice Girls released Spiceworld in 1997, just before their popularity plummeted. One Direction released This is Us last month and hopefully they will suffer the same fate.
I am sure there are more similarities, but I really don't want to spend any more time on this story than I absolutely have to.

Previously on Slap the Penguin, [Spice Girls] [One Direction]

Before you Directioners (that's what One Direction fans call themselves) email me or leave a comment telling me that a) Louis doesn't have red hair and b) Liam isn't Sporty, that's Louis....

...this is my preemptive response, a) I know it's not red, it's photoshopped to fit the story. And b) Tell that to Aston Villa's Gabriel Agbonlahor, who tackled Louis in a charity soccer game last Sunday. The rather soft tackle left Louis rolling on the floor like a big girl, then when he finally got back up, he started vomiting. 

Louis Tomlinson of One Direction, tackled by Aston Villa's Gabriel Agbonlahor
Louis Tomlinson discovers that food doesn't just go in One Direction
Gabby Abby (that was his nickname in my 2012 Fantasy Soccer team and I hope this story makes it stick) has received death threats via twitter from thousands of teen girls, angry at him for damaging their beloved Louis. Gabriel has since sent an apology to Louis and his adoring fans.

Just out of interest, who is your favorite Spice Girl and why? [Comment]


Anonymous said...

i hate this article louis is the best person ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is the worst article ever 1d is amazing

Anonymous said...

If you think 1D is amazing, you should try 36D...

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