Monday, November 17, 2014

Woman electrocuted by yoga pants

By +Tina Cruris

We all know that exercise is good for you, but this was not the case for 28 year old Maria Schenken who was almost killed last weekend by her workout buddy, Annalise Christenson (36), at their local gym.

Maria and Annalise working out while remaining grounded
Maria and Annalise are still best friends
Annalise and Maria were working out together as they have done for the last few months when Maria received an electric shock which sent her heart into ventricular fibrillation. She had been working out on the elliptical machine and was taking a break, watching Annalise run on the treadmill. Annalise had been running for a good 20 minutes and had worked up quite a sweat and asked Maria to hand her a towel. As their hands came closer, a bright spark passed between them as the electricity ran through Maria's body and into the steel railing on which she was leaning.

Initially it was believed that the treadmill had malfunctioned, shorted out somewhere and delivered the dangerous burst of electricity, but after closer investigation it was discovered that the shock was not the result of a mechanical fault.

It turns out that Annalise's exertions on the treadmill had been building enormous amounts of static electricity from the material as her thighs rubbed together in her Lululemon yoga pants, turning her into a giant Van der Graaf generator. The treadmill belt delivered the positive charge into her body until Annalise had become a 100,000 volt static shock waiting to happen. When Annalise reached for the towel their sweaty conductive hands made brief contact, the electricity saw it's chance to escape to earth across Maria's chest and through her other arm into the metal rail, briefly stopping her heart on the way.
Annalise became a giant Van der Graaf Generator
The machine, not the prog. rock band
Yoga pant retail giant Lululemon were quick to comment on the unfortunate incident saying that, "Our yoga pants are designed exclusively for yoga and Lululemon cannot be held responsible for people getting injured while wearing them in non-yoga activities. Also, our yoga pants are made with the lean, athletic body in mind. If your thighs are so chubby that they rub together when you walk or run, you should not be wearing anything from our clothing line, instead you should buy some spandex leggings at Walmart. That's the reason why our yoga pants were see through. You fat bitches were trying to cram too much flabby ass into them. Are you still recording this? Sorry, I got a little carried away. Please don't print that last bit after the Walmart thing."
    Gratuitous Yoga Pants Photo circa 1908
    Yoga Pants are not a new invention
    We are contractually obliged by our sponsors to insert images of women sporting yoga pants whenever they are mentioned in a post. This serves as nothing but cheap titillation for the majority and as click bait on image based search engines. It serves no purpose with respect to the story and she does have a sweet looking backside. I bet yoga pants make my ass look that good too...!!!

    Oh, by the way, Maria made a full recovery thanks to a quick thinking gym instructor with first aid training.

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