Dear Tina - Golf

Dear Tina,

I am a typical man who is unable to discuss things of a personal nature without using euphemisms and since I am a keen golfer I will be using golf as a way of shielding my embarrassment.

My wife and I like to play a round quite regularly, she has always been keen to polish my club and enjoys it when I sink a 6 incher in the hole. Also, before we were married she even alluded to inviting another lady golfer to make up a threesome.

I like to think of myself as a considerate golfer, respecting the course and never playing areas that are temporarily closed for monthly repairs. I am also very appreciative of the work that is done keeping the greens well maintained and trimmed.

So... how do I get her to let me play the back nine? I just want to try it and see what taking a shot out of the bunker would be like. I am a fully paid up member of this private course so I should be allowed to play any and all of the holes. Should I possibly consider playing another course that has an open back 9?

Yours inquisitively, golfnut.

Dear golfnut, thank you so much for taking the time to email me with your issues.

To begin I would like to address my primary concern about your situation. Grow up. It's a penis not a putter. No wonder your wife won't let you sodomize her. She probably doesn't have the first clue about what you want, having to constantly translate your schoolboy suggestions.

Golfnut's fantasy woman

Secondly, just because you play golf, it does not mean you can go 'Tiger' and start fooling around with other women. Stick with your wife through thick and thin or you may find her swinging a golf club at your balls and 'handicapping' you.

Sincerely, Tina

Send your Dear Tina questions to me at tina.cruris(at)slapthepenguin.com