Thursday, February 2, 2017

Dear Tina - Groundhog Day

By +Tina Cruris
Dear Tina, I am confused about the whole groundhog day thing. What does his shadow have to do with the weather? Can those guys in hats really speak groundhogese? Is Phil really 126 years old? It seems to me that those old farts in the hats are just trying to perpetuate a stupid tourist tradition so that they only have to work for 1 week per year.
Sincerely, Anti-Groundhog Girl

Thanks for your e-mail, AGG. I have actually been to Gobbler's Knob and I was amazed by how many people they can pack into that tiny town. It was so busy, I couldn't see a damn thing, so I left feeling disheartened and cheated.

Reading your note, it sounds like you have been reading the official Punxsatawney Phil website which is littered with factoids about Phil's 100% accuracy and how he is given a sip of a magical life extending elixir in order to keep him alive for another year. Well I am calling Bullshit! (or should it be Hogshit!) on the whole damn site.

Your observation regarding a tourist tradition is totally accurate. They are trying to turn Punxsy into another Santa/Easter Bunny and I am not buying it. Maybe if he could get it right more than 39% of the time he would be more believable as a rodential prognosticator.

I was double checking some of my facts on the interwebs and found myself on a site which has pictures of celebs without their make up and there was a picture of Phil on the morning after Groundhog Day.
"Will you knock it off with Sonny and Cher. I hate that fu©king song"
He looks almost as crabby as he did last year.

If you need advice on absolutely anything then email me -Tina.cruris(at)

No comments :

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog