Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Dozens of sinkholes appear across the US

By +Ian C

America has woken up to a spate of sinkholes opening up and swallowing cars this morning. So far 24 incidents of cars disappearing into holes have been reported today, on what is quickly being called Sinkhole de Mayo.

The Earth is swallowing cars
Another car falls victim of a sinkhole
Scientists at Florida's National Sinkhole Research Laboratory suggest that there is no way to predict where a sinkhole may appear, and that the concentration of events today is probably coincidental, although the recent seismic activity may have sped up the process for some of these holes to form.

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists from Colorado's Rocky Mountain High society (not a John Denver fan club) claim that the Earth is getting revenge on America's gas guzzling mentality and is eating the cars in protest. They warn us that this is just the beginning, and soon natural disasters will be hitting 'Big Finance'.

In an effort to back up their theory, the Boulder stoners have manipulated some statistics into a graph to demonstrate their point, highlighting the fact that the majority of cars affected were red (a color synonymous with sporty cars), and that no 'green' cars have been targeted.

Don't get me started on statistics
Just remember, graphs can't lie
Pictures of these sinkholes are starting to roll into the STP Virtual Office and our graphics expert is quickly making a montage for this post, which should be ready in approximately... NOW.

A great sinkhole montage
An awesome sinkhole montage
We have also received some images which at first glance appear to be sinkhole activity, but upon closer inspection are just examples of bad parking.

Charlotte Windsor parks in the new water feature
Nobody told Charlotte Windsor about the new water feature at work
Have you been out to check on your car yet? Who is right, the scientists or the hippies? Share your valuable opinion in the comments section below.


PBScott said...

Hippies are pretty much always correct about everything. I'll go with the hippies.

Ian C - Slap the Penguin said...

I am siding with the hippies on this one also. The statistics are just too compelling.

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog