Sunday, April 26, 2015

Do vampires really sparkle in sunlight?

By +Alexa Rankin

There have been some recent modifications to vampire lore thanks to the popularity of the Twilight books and movies, and TV shows like The Vampire Diaries. You may even say that they have been revamped (I'm not even remotely sorry for that one). The one modern misconception is that vampires are not only able to move around during the daytime, but they sparkle when sunlight hits their body.

Edward Cullen - Brooding with angst and sparkle
Edward Cullen - Brooding with angst and sparkle
Vampires are the ultimate undead creature, masters of the night, who prey on milky skinned virgins with a heaving bosom and a penchant for leaving their chamber windows agape. Or at least that's how they used to be when Hammer Films were interpreting the rules for Christopher Lee's Dracula. Christopher Lee is considered to be the ultimate vampire, having played the famous Count a record 10 times. Although the Twilight generation might know Sir Christopher better as Count Dooku rather than Count Dracula.

Count von Count counts the counts
Count von Count counts Christopher's Counts
Darwin's theory of evolution suggests that creatures adapt to their surroundings to better increase their chance of survival, and maybe that is what vampires have done over the generations. In order to remain vital in the realm of entertainment, the vampire has needed to change with the times. Vampires who can only come out at night  limit the possibilities of storylines and make for awkward filming with expensive filters.

For this reason the modern vampire rule makers have taken some liberties with the daylight disability. Some bloodsuckers use a charmed ring to protect them from the sun while others liberally apply Factor 5000 to get around UV-itis, but back to the original question; Do vampires really sparkle in sunlight? Here is a pictorial summary of our experiment featuring the aforementioned Count Dooku and his Star Wars buddy, Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin.

Do vampires sparkle in sunlight?

Step 1:
Step 1: Find a vampire
Find a vampire

Step 2:
Step 2: Force him into sunlight
Force him into sunlight

Step 3:
Step 3: Observe the sparkles
Observe the sparkles

Step 4:
Step 4: Sweep up the ashes
Sweep up the ashes
I would say that this conclusively proves once and for all that while prolonged sunlight exposure for vampires is fatal, they do sparkle; in the same way that a witch would sparkle while burning at a stake. Mmmm, sun baked vampire flambé, pass the garlic.

Please share your opinions about vampires and sunlight. Could vampires evolve to tolerate a diurnal existence? Would a Jewish vampire be immune to crosses? Who is your favorite vampire, and do they sparkle?

No comments :

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog