7 Deadly Clickbait Tricks That Are Ruining Your Brain

You clicked.

Of course you did.

The internet has trained you like Pavlov’s dog, except instead of a bell it’s “You Won’t Believe…” and instead of food you get 47 ads and a list that ends with “just kidding, subscribe.”

Congratulations. You are the problem.

But don’t worry — this is the one clickbait article that will finally cure you of clicking on clickbait.

Don’t click the bait - oops too late

Here are the 7 Stupid Things You Keep Doing That Make Clickbait Win. Stop all of them immediately or you’ll stay trapped forever.

#1 – You read headlines that end in “…” or “You Won’t Believe…”
Congratulations, you have the attention span of a goldfish on Red Bull.

#2 – You tell yourself “I’m just curious” while your thumb hovers like it’s defusing a bomb.
Curiosity didn’t kill the cat. Clickbait did. The cat just had better impulse control.

#3 – You get angry at the article… then share it so your friends can also get angry.
You are the unpaid intern in the clickbait content farm.

#4 – You scroll past actual news to find the next “This One Weird Trick” that doctors/lawyers/experts “don’t want you to know.”
Spoiler: They don’t want you to know because it’s bullshit.

#5 – You fall for the “perfect X doesn’t exi-” bait and then feel personally attacked when the article is mid.
The perfect article doesn’t exist. Especially this one.

#6 – You read numbered lists all the way to the end even when you knew by #2 it was garbage.
Hi. Welcome to #7.

#7 – You are still reading this right now.

Stop.

Close the tab. Go touch grass. Read a book. Talk to a human. Do literally anything except reward the machine that turns your dopamine into ad revenue.
There. You’re cured.

You’re welcome.

Now never click on anything like this ever again.
(Unless it’s from Slap the Penguin. Then it’s satire and therefore fine.)