Thursday, May 9, 2013

Top 5 badly chosen business names

by +Ian C

One of the first rules when starting a business is to have a catchy name. A name that will stick in people's minds as a means of free advertising. A name which will pass by word of mouth so that everyone will know who you are and what you do.

The following businesses followed the first rule, but failed to keep reading to rule 2 which states "Don't give your business a name which causes people to laugh out loud and share it on satirical news blogs as a backup post for having nothing better to write about."

#1 Johnson Controls - Johnson Controls is a global diversified technology and industrial leader serving customers in more than 150 countries. They do not make remote control penises, sorry ladies.
Johnson Controls

#2 The Beaver Companies - Since 1976, The Beaver Companies have been taking care of your asphalt needs. That is if you need your asphalt. Why would anybody need their Beaver Sealing anyway?

Beaver Sealing

#3 Analtech - Since 1961 Analtech has been manufacturing quality thin layer chromatography plates, providing friendly and expert technical assistance and helping customers solve real problems with real solutions. I still have no idea about what they do, and what it has to do with their name. 

#4 S.T.D. Contractors - These guys are simply builders. They do sheds, home improvement projects, wood and masonry work. In essence, these guys are the ultimate handymen, however I am guessing that brothers Simon, Tom and David are since regretting the order in which they were born.

STD Contractors

#5 Big Dick's Halfway Inn - These people knew what they were doing. There is no way this business name happened by accident. 
"Hey Dick, how is the diet? By the way, have you thought of a name for that inn you built which is halfway through the Ozarks?"
"Yeah, how does 'Richard's Diner' sound?"

Big Dick's Halfway Inn

Let these business be a lesson to you. The next time you start a business, when you think of a name, sleep on it and then ask friends you can trust and then sleep on it again. I wonder what Bill Gates was thinking about when he named his business? 'Micro' and 'Soft' are both highly ranked on the Do Not Use list of business buzzwords.


Anonymous said...

Haha! reminds me of this UK company - The Balls Group, with their Balls Grinding company .... And yes, it is real :

Janene said...

These are awesome. Analtech...BAH!

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