Thursday, February 16, 2017

Real News about Fake Brews at Walmart

By +Brad Naylor

This is going to look like we are Walmart bashing, but this news story is trending, and the headline jumped into my head so I figured I would exploit my position as a reporter and share it with you guys. Super giant retailer of everything (including Ivanka Trumps clothing) has been caught supposedly selling it's mass produced, mass market beer as a craft brew.

Trouble in Walmart
Trouble in Walmart = Walmart in Trouble
The brand known as Trouble which is marketed as a craft beer is actually a mass produced line from Rochester's Genesee Brewing and does not even begin to fulfill the criteria of a craft beer. Oh, and the beer is actually brewed in Costa Rica. The only thing crafty about this beer is the way Walmart have marketed it.

According to The Brewers Association a Craft Beer is defined by the following traits:
  • Small - Annual production of 6 million barrels of beer or less (approximately 3 percent of U.S. annual sales). Beer production is attributed to the rules of alternating proprietorships.
  • Independent - Less than 25 percent of the craft brewery is owned or controlled (or equivalent economic interest) by an alcohol industry member that is not itself a craft brewer.
  • Traditional - A brewer that has a majority of its total beverage alcohol volume in beers whose flavor derives from traditional or innovative brewing ingredients and their fermentation. Flavored malt beverages (Mike's Hard/Smirnoff Ice) are not considered beers.
A number of class action lawsuits have sprung up across the 45 States in which Walmart peddle this Panamanian* pisswater, accusing them of merchandising these items next to legitimate craft beers and not next to other mainstream swill. They also bumped the price up to infer a more craft oriented offering rather than charging Keystone Light prices.
(*Costa Rican Pisswater did not have the same alliterative ring to it)

Fart Now Loading
"Fart Now Loading" ALT+F4
If you have ever bought one of these beers, you could cash in from the lawsuit and buy a 6 pack of real craft beer, to drink in the parking lot while wearing your 'Fart Loading' shirt.

Have you ever had a Trouble Beer? Has a beer ever got you in Trouble? Share the dirt in the comments section below

No comments :

Most viewed pages (last 30 days)

Slap the Penguin, more than just a satirical news blog