We have received a ridiculous number of emails from concerned readers regarding our lack of contribution to their daily life. Honestly we want to write satirical news stories to brighten your day and make you shake your head with disbelief until you remember that it is (mostly) all made up, but in the words of someone once, "Truth is stranger than fiction", or "You couldn't make that shit up", and there is no way we can write plausibly fake news stories to compete.
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| Fake news is indiscernible from real news |
While there is more to Slap The Penguin than just making up news stories to amuse and amaze our readers, and sometimes confuse and annoy stupid people who believe anything you tell them, we have chosen to continue our extended break for the continued duration of the internationally recognized worst presidency of anywhere, ever.
I am confident that we will be able to return to our roles of satirical news writers, hopefully sooner rather than later. We have all had some interesting thoughts for an exciting relaunch, with new ideas, as well as putting a fresh layer of polish on some old turds. Each of us have had some new experiences which we want to share with you once someone pays the electricity bill and we can open the STP office again.
For now, we are still able to pay our web hosting fees, so feel free to wander through our archives using the portal to the right. I know some of the images may be missing, some of the formatting may be funky, and the links may be redundant or out of date but nobody has been doing any housekeeping.
Please comment and share your thoughts or feelings, or you can send an email to contact@slapthepenguin.com to let us know that you still love us.
Thanks.
2 comments :
In all my days as the top most-respected news anchor/editor for the Atlantean Extinction Tribune (published by the merfolk of ATLANTICORP-- not to be confused with the Atlanticore of mythological fame, which is a cross between a lion and a giant Albacore Tuna) I never thought I'd see the day that someone could stop the "Slap the Penguine" presses.
This might have a lot to do with the fact that I literally just discovered you about 5 minutes ago, but even still: it deeply saddens and disheartens me to learn of your temporary demise.
I avidly await your return like the inevitable resurrection of Zombie Jesus every April 5th... or 20th... or... what the hell day is Easter? Nevermind! I'll wait with bated breath, nail-bat resting across my lap, ready to splatter the brains of whichever zombie Jesus impersonator rises from the grave next, so we're safe again until next Groundhog's day-- or whichever day can make an ancient Jew get up out of his grave to force chocolate bunnies to lay and hide their eggs.
Clayton AD - we are heartened by your comments and can share some average to good news that the penguin is still being slapped, or re-slapped on the the substack.com forum. Old posts are being revived twice weekly and new posts are happening every weekend with links from www.slapthepenguin.com if you need them.
I am pleased that you have found us and I trust you will continue to check in periodically for the latest fake news and original twists on real events happening in the world.
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