Wednesday, January 20, 2021

You're fired!.... and we're back

By Ian C

Today is January 20th 2021 and I know that our headline is not unique, clever or even barely amusing, but it feels good to write it anyway. Who would have thought that what started off as a joke would end so miserably for so many people. At this moment I should point out that as a serious news reporting service we have no political affiliation, we merely report the news as it unfolds with an unbiased eye and a neutral and independent mind.

Marty Feldman Eyes
Has anyone given Marty Feldman Steve Buscemi eyes yet?

Approximately 4 years ago, this group of writers collectively known as Slap the Penguin decided to take a break from publishing this satirical news blog during the Presidency of a certain Donald Trump, citing a variety of reasons mostly revolving around the concept of fake news and the harm it can do. Sadly our concerns turned out to be somewhat prophetic as numerous channels of fake news and sources of misinformation have guided a great number of people to believe one of the biggest lies of modern times.

At the time of writing, it is expected that Trump's presidency is over today and the due to be sworn in President Elect Joe Biden will take the reigns of the country during an inauguration event even less spectacular than the poorly attended party of 4 years ago. I am sure in his own mind, Trump will view this as further evidence that he was swindled out of a second term. "If Biden won then how come he has so few people coming out to support him at his inauguration? My crowd in 2017 was much biglier than this one."

Biden is about to face the tough task of undoing many of the things that Trump did during his 4 years in the oval office, just as Trump spent his entire first Presidency trying to undo things that Obama did before him.

It wasn't all bad though. Trump had successes which he will be remembered for. Trump has built over 15 miles of 'wall' along the US/Mexico border. He claims the number is higher, but much of what has actually been built is replacement for the lesser quality existing barrier

Trumps Border Wall Fence construction so far (Source: BBC)

I have researched at least 3 online dictionaries for an accurate definition of the word wall and in all 3 a wall is described as being a long vertical structure made of concrete, brick, or stone constructed with the intent to divide or surround something. So what Trump has succeeded in doing is spending (conservatively) $3 billion on replacing some old fence with some taller shinier fence and adding an extra 15 miles of tall shiny fence where there wasn't fence before.

This is one time that he should have outsourced to China. Those guys know how to build a walls, they build great walls; the biggliest walls.

I am deliberately avoiding calling out Trump for his crimes and misdemeanors during his time in power. It is not my place to point fingers for what he is alleged to have done or not done. There are proceedings in place for taking care of that and we will comment accordingly if it will get us a cheap laugh and a couple of easy ad clicks. This post is primarily to announce our long awaited return to the peak of satirical news writing and let our rabid fans know that we are back. 

But don't get your hopes up, we are not going to be able to post with the voracious rabidity and rapidity of previous incarnations. We are all 4 years older and our lives have moved along with the calendar. But that's a future post. 


Anonymous said...

Welcome Back! Oh prophets of fake news. Thanks for being honest and not trying to disguise; but purposefully proposing pondering instead of pandering propaganda.

Ian C said...

Thanks Anonymous for puckering and positioning your person at our posterior

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