Tuesday, December 14, 2010

New CD releases for December 21st

It seems that good music has started it's Christmas vacation already, leaving a big gaping hole for the remainder of the music industry to scramble for the vacant top spot. To use a Christmas analogy, there ain't nothin' left on this turkey but dark meat, gristle and bones.
Yeah, I said Christmas. Not Festive Season, not Holidays... CHRISTMAS.
We make an effort to accommodate your beliefs and religions, so you can sure as hell stop trying to make Christmas more politically correct.

No Boys AllowedKeri Hilson – No Boys Allowed
She has an army of names behind her for this CD including Kanye West, Chris Brown, Timbaland, Ne-Yo...Blah Blah Blah so it's bound to get more exposure than it deserves.
Keri was recently named the new face of Avon's Imari beauty scent and she slaps them in the face by smoking a lipstick on the cover of this CD. Just the kind of publicity a mainstream cosmetics company needs.

Best Night of My LifeJamie Foxx – Best Night of My Life
WTF are you doing Jamie Foxx? You are so much better than this. Switch off the autotune and sing it properly. Seriously dude, you need to stop being a dick. You can sing, you can act (although you need to plan some of your roles better! Stealth...really?) and you are funny. Don't waste your talent, Jamie.

Calling All HeartsKeyshia Cole – Calling All Hearts
R&B by the numbers featuring the usual suspects, Nicki Minaj, Tank, Timbaland etcetera.
It's like one big mutual appreciation society started by Kanye West and Chris Brown when the mainstream media turned against them.

The LetterAvant – The Letter
Mid tempo R&B trash. Look out for track #5 'Body Police', a hilarious innuendo laden role play based on an 'I'm a cop and I'm gonna frisk you, sexually' adventure. Also look for the hidden track after 38 minutes of silence at the end of the disc called “Waiting for my balls to drop”.
The whole CD sounds like someone pleading to get laid.

Apollo KidsGhostface Killah – Apollo Kids
This is Dennis Coles from the Wu-Tang Clan still doing the same stuff that he did 15 years ago, but with fewer kung fu references and better beats. He has recruited a couple of guest voices including Busta Rhymes and Black Thought.
GK wins the award for the best cover artwork of the week. 

True GritCarter Burwell – True Grit Soundtrack
Carter Burwell is one of those names that only people who know soundtracks know. His resume includes Doc Hollywood, The Jackal (1997), No Country for Old Men, Twilight and The Blind Side. I trust this soundtrack will be better than the original True Grit soundtrack from 1969. Some guy called Elmer Bernstein did that one.

Death Of A Pop StarDavid Banner & 9th Wonder – Death Of A Pop Star
Boy was I fooled by this one. Surely any adult seeing the name David Banner would instantly think of The Hulk TV series from the late 70's. WRONG ! !
9th Wonder...? What ever happened to 8th Wonder...? Singer, Patsy Kensit quit the band to have 4 failed marriages with famous musicians. Dan Donovan, Jim Kerr, Liam Gallagher and Jeremy Healy.

Level 3:16Level 3:16 – Level 3:16
Talk about exploiting a niche. This is the finest example of Christian Rap I have ever come across since MC JC and the Tremendous 12. (Remember their hit 'G O double D' ?).
It is also refreshing to hear hip-hop without having to listen to people singing about 'doing those Mutha Funkin bitches doggy style'.
Somewhere on this disc they actually rhyme Booyah with Hallelujah

Des Knaben WunderhornThomas Hampson and Wiener Virtuosen – Des Knaben Wunderhorn
My Austrian is a little lacking, but I think that the FBI need to investigate this guy. I'm pretty sure that 'Des Knaben Wunderhorn' translates to 'The boy's magic horn' and a Wiener Virtuosen (wiener virtuoso) is someone who is proficient in playing the wiener, a 7th grade word for penis.

* * * PREDATOR ALERT * * *

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